I don’t want to move near to PIL, and away from my family

[2pups1girl]

My other half has the opportunity of a new job 2/3 hours away from we are currently living. Which is a promotion and would mean more money.

This would be very close to his family but would mean moving away from my family and all of our friends.

He could still take the job as it would only involve being away 2 nights a week but he wants us all to move away.

Our DD is 8 years old, has cousins locally and is very settled at school.

I am much closer to my family than he is to his, he can sometimes go weeks without speaking to his Mum and they have a very different lifestyle to us, with a very different budget.

I am really unsure about moving and think it will only make an already tense relationship I have with his parents worse. But he hates the idea of being away from the family home on a weekly basis

Am I being unreasonable to expect him to be ok working away?

Take the in-laws out of the equation, because it's got nothing to do with it.

Would you move if he had got a job elsewhere?

he needs to turn the job down

it's not sustainable to "work away"

and your family is settled where you are

He wants you to move with him and you don’t want to. Both of those are reasonable and the answer is that he turns down the job offer.

Are you happy to move? Regardless of where? It's fine to say no. Would you be ok with him working away?

Can you move half way?, would that enable you to still be near your family and allow your DH to commute?

Can you just say no?

No I think the only reason he looked there was because of being his old hometown, neither of us would really want to move elsewhere

I agree with this.
The PIL are a red herring.
The question is - would you move at all for a larger wage? How much larger might be the issue.

Do you need the money?

I wouldn’t want to be away from the family home 2 nights a week either… How much does the extra money mean to your family (and how much of the extra would be eaten up by him needing accommodation for those 2 nights, assuming he wouldn’t stay with his family as you say they’re not close…)

@2pups1girl What are his reasons for not wanting to work away for 2 days?

Ask him if he’d rather work away for 2 days or turn down the job because you’re not up for moving.

Also, what was the conversation between you when he applied?

If he doesn't talk to his mum for weeks on end as it currently is, that's not likely to change because you've moved closer to her. Just because you're physically closer, doesn't mean you have to spend time with her.

But you will lose time with your family.

The main thing is moving schools. The money has to be significantly better to warrant the upheaval of moving, starting a new school, building a new community. And extra 20 grand gross, won't mean much more money in your pocket each week net.

It’s with his current company so it was more that he was invited to apply and he wasn’t aware that it would be office based as regularly. He is excited about the opportunity but no we don’t need the money.

thank for the responses, think I just needed an outlet

Why doesn’t he speak to his company, put in a flexible working request and ask to be office based only 2 days per week?

He could travel up in the morning, work, stay the night, work the next day and return home the following evening.

2/3 hours really isn’t unmanageable. Some people commute that daily!

I don’t think I’d uproot my family in the circumstances you describe.