Childcare is so expensive!

[Immy1]

I have 2 DS, both in school. I’ve had to turn down a higher paying and more hours job because I just can’t afford the wrap around childcare and I’m super annoyed with it!

Im a single mum, and have been for a year now, I’m very happy with life as it is. I just want to start to build a career now my youngest is in school.

DS dad won’t help towards paying the childcare, tbh I knew he would say no but I assumed at the time I wasn’t loosing anything by asking.
but of course his narcissism kicked in and he’s now refusing to pick up from school on his designated 1 day a week, so I’ve had to drop hours in my current job as I can’t afford the extra days childcare.
(I have no family or friends in the area available to help)

AIBU to want dad to help towards childcare costs? Is he not legally responsible for it as much as I am?

you would have thought by now that CMS would take childcare costs into account when doing their calculations.

Go on entitled to. You can see if you are eligible for universal credit. If you aren’t you should be earning enough to pay childcare.

don’t let him ruin your career, you need to find a way to work round this.

why have you reduced your hours? If he has hem 1 school evening per week he has to do pick up. Don’t facilitate him making you reduce hours. No school pick up = no evening with the kids. Play hardball and claim more Maintenece from him. If it is his night he does pick up or pay
s childcare

YANBU DD costs £1680 a month at the moment. It’s obscene

Im so shocked it’s not factors into CMS! Surely fixed costs such as those can be easily factored in if the system wanted it to!

Or just let him know it’s his night and his responsibility and leave it with him (do h to at
in writing) on his pick up on his day let school ring him telling him he’s forgotten his kids. Get that recorded too

You’re not unreasonable to want him to contribute to childcare costs, but sadly the way the system is set up means actually you’re the only one responsible with it if it is during “your” time with your child, which for your average mum is probably 6/7 days a week and for your average dad might be 1/2 days a week!

Totally agree it’s shocking, I don’t understand why it’s not considered in CMS amounts.

I am claiming UC, to be honest it was me that messed it up, as the school kept forgetting to give me the invoices for the after school club. And I was always in a rush and didn’t pester them over it. So UC stopped the childcare claim and now I feel awkward reclaiming for it.

I’ll have another chat with the school and see if I can figure it out. It’s still £30 a day for both boys though, not to mention the additional costs during school holidays at £55 a day each 😭

dad has them every other weekend as well, him picking them up from school was just him ‘doing me a favour’ 🙄

but he’s just got a new girlfriend and has already mentioned certain weekends he’s away so can’t have the boys. So I’m thinking everything’s going to change again soon.

Question...
With childcare being so expensive these days and more and more people working part-time, flexible hours, compressed hours, WFH etc.

Would you willingly trade a days childcare with another parent/ friend to help with childcare costs so you could do another day working?

For example if you both had a different day off in the week would you be happy to help look after your friends children for a day in return for your children from your friend?

You could even just be present in each other's homes for a day you WFH (obviously the other would have to not be working).

Just wondering if people would do this and is it just a hard/ awkward thing to ask?

SH xx

I did similar and now am nearly 50 went back f/t when kids were at high school. Personally it was worth it for me. I had years of fun enjoying the kids. My career is pretty good. I earn an above average wage in jobs I enjoy.
I could probably be higher up the ladder but Tbh that isn't as important to me as enjoying my children when they were young.
I tried f/t and it was shit. Holidays were an endless juggle of clubs and help from friends. I saw my friends be battered by exhaustion and their kids tired, always in childcare.
For some of my friends working more was absolutely the right thing for them (the ones who career and/money is really important) or didn't really enjoy little kids (which I get!) but I loved p/t working. Life is very short and they grow into huge giants who hide in their rooms before you know it 😁

I've done it BUT it has to be the right person and right kids. We tried after school swaps between 3 families but one of the kids was really hard work (later diagnosed ND) and though lovely whenever did what was asked of him so when caring for 6 kids was a nightmare.
I had friends who successfully did it though with easier kids