For saying I can't come due to money

[Outofideas79]

I'm suppose to be going to my sisters for a night out. I've just had a letter to say my rent is going up over 20% as of next month. This combined with council tax rise alone will mean a big increase in my monthly outgoings. I'm a single Mum and I have a shared ownership house so pay a mortgage as well. I've said that I need to tighten my belt a bit and shouldn't come.

A few months ago she had her own financial worries, pulled out of a few things or came along but wasn't able to pay because of this. Now she seems pissed off at me for pulling out.

I have a holiday booked over Easter with my daughter that I paid for last year, and I want to make sure I have enough spending money for us to go and have a reasonably good time. I'm worried about my finances as of next month as I think things will be properly tight. Am I being a d**k by pulling out?

No.

Does it have to be a big night out to see her? I’d explain and go over for a bottle of wine instead.

A "night out" could mean anything! For me my answer would depend on the cost involved. Whether this was planned for a reason or it was just an ordinary night out. I don't feel there's enough info to judge.

You are absolutely not being unreasonable AT ALL.

You need to prioritise yourself and your daughter.

It's not unreasonable to cancel if it's a big night out but if it were me and I didn't get to see my sister much which it sounds like it might be the case here I'd rather stay in and catch up than cancel entirely.

@Changingplace @EmpressSoleil it will be the fuel to get there. There are others going. There will be an assumption of a certain amount of expenditure.

Well if there are others going then she can still go, whether you're there or not. So yes, I think it's fine to say "sorry I can't afford it right now".

You don't mention whether this is some sort of occasion for your sister, like a birthday for example. If not then fine. If it is a special occasion I'd just offer to do something alone with her on another day. Like invite her over for a meal or something.

What sort of night out, just explain and see her at another time.

No and she should have offered to pay if you all paid for her last time. Did you tell her you paid for your holiday ages ago as she may think oh she can afford a holiday and bet she just wants you there. Explain to her how things are.