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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Partner very low at the moment

3 replies

Sandy85 · 06/03/2024 21:56

Hi, my partner of ten years is a clever guy. He’s mid career and was in a fairly successful business earning in excess of £150k. He was a leader and well respected. He decided to quit as he became disillusioned. Fine. I earn less than him but I felt I could cover us for a few months or a year while he decided what to do. I think he was overly optimistic. His job search is going badly. He’s down. Tonight he drank a lot. He’s being useless to me and our two young children (forgetful, unhelpful, impatient with the kids). I’m working 5 days a week and doing all the chores. Plus two kids. Simple things like kids swimming kit gets left to me while he does very little all day. He’s now becoming pathetic about everything and putting himself down. Calling himself a loser. Unresponsive.
I know I’m being impatient but I feel infuriated. I want to scream. He’s obviously suffering but he’s not helping himself.
I have tried to help his job search, suggest he talks to someone, suggest he does different sports, goes for a run. He’s so flat it’s miserable. He keeps saying he hates himself and in between my frustration my heart is breaking for him and I’m getting worried.

OP posts:
Zone2NorthLondon · 06/03/2024 22:06

Advise he go to GP for mental health review and may need medication
make a referral to talk therapy
Introduce exercise and good diet
IMO,He need to sort the mood before getting a job, as he’ll need to be motivated,alert, able to tolerate stimuli of a new job, able to regulate mood

Sandy85 · 06/03/2024 22:09

Thank you I think that’s good advice. He keeps getting rejected and it’s concerning me because he’s a really good candidate. I think he’s coming over badly @Zone2NorthLondon

OP posts:
Zone2NorthLondon · 06/03/2024 22:17

His mood sounds low,and a loss of role =a reactive low mood
He has lost his role, professional and personal identity. The practicality of loss of income too. It’s a cumulative impact which will result in decreased self esteem, low mood, decreased volition. All markers for low mood
Sort the mood, get a GP appointment, make a self referral TalkTherapy

regard work. Consider employment support referral via GP many MH trust have an employment advisor. They can arrange supportive placements in workplace

wishing you both all the best

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