To bring kids on weekend away? Wwyd

[Corporatequeen]

Me and DH are pretty much on the brink of divorcing. We have no support with the kids which is fine I get that’s life and our siblings need help with childcare more than we do.

Our life is consumed by work kids school and then the weekend comes by and it’s football/swimming/gymnastics for the kids.

I was going to surprise him with a night away Saturday but we have no one to have the kids. Do I bring them in tow? Or schedule for a few weeks or a month away when we can get help.

Were both exhausted and rowing daily it’s such a sad situation and I want to fix it.

I’d reschedule, it sounds like you need some alone time.

How old are the kids? Do they not have any friends that they could sleep over with?

More stressful being away with kids , surely?

Take the kids as a family getaway.

May i ask do you want a divorce?

Sounds like you’re spending money in the wrong place. Dinner out together once a month or every 2 months, even if you have to pay for babysitting, would be cheaper and more effective.

You need to re-arrange weekends so you both get some time off from parenting as well as family time.

What will change in a months time ? that you can get childcare

Why would a night away solve your marriage
and why waste your money by taking your children with you

I dont think id be taking him on a surprise night out if i was facing a divorce.
And arguing every day.
I be putting that money aside for my kids and me.

Get a nice takeaway, put kids to bed, break out a bottle of wine and relax. Repeat a couple of times for the cost of the weekend break.

I wouldn’t take the kids, definitely more stressful and more arguments. We don’t have any support, so a few times a year we book a dog off in the week and got for a walk and a nice brunch or lunch. Means we can actually talk.
massively recommend walking and talking as well, things just seem to become clearer

I don’t want to divorce I want to fix the issues. But the majority of the issues stem from not spending enough time together and exhaustion building up. We’re both tired and fed up just plodding along each week. I go to bed with out him every night. The relationship is non existent at the moment.

The problem with weekends away in this scenario is there’s so much pressure and expectation on you to reconnect and fix everything, that they leave you feeling empty and let down. Ask me how I know. 🙄 And that’s without the kids complicating everything. I’d cancel the weekend, pay a babysitter and go somewhere you can have an honest, cards-on-table conversation.

One night away won’t solve anything , it’s papering over cracks , you need to have a good talk at home about your problems and the way forward.

Could you cut back on some of your DC’s activities so you have more family time and maybe less exhaustion from running around?

Or plan a nice meal for when the DC are in bed or if they are older tell them to play on their rooms?

How about you tell your DH you need a nap on one of the weekend days and then you’ll stay up later.

What do you row about?

I’m very familiar with the scenario you describe. In our case we basically ignored it, distance and resentment increased over the years, and he had an affair looking for connection. Which I eventually discovered and that demolished everything. So now we’re trying to salvage something from this much worse situation - but on the plus side there’s nothing left to lose so everything is out there, all cards on table, no holds barred. We’ll see.

But for you - communication, communication, communication. About how you both feel and what you want. That little kids time with no help is hard, it’s easy to lose yourselves, but you can make it easier for each other by both feeling seen and understood.

A. Weekend away isn't going to fix your marriage. A discussion about sustainable changes going forward might.

Hire a babysitter and have some much-needed time together. Why waste hundreds of pounds on one night when it won't solve the issue and could instead be used for several nights out where the children are being looked after by a babysitter.

Do you enjoy time away as a family? If you think it might do you good to go away all together then do it. However also try to arrange a time to go without kids if possible. If child free time is difficult can you maybe both book a day off while the kids are at school?

You have my sympathy. Our marriage is the same. We have very little childcare and 2 kids who are massively hardwork with competing needs. We’re surviving.

Don't spend time going away. If you can't find time together at home then putting travelling etc into the mix isn't going to help. If you both want to fix this you need to find a way to spend time together within your normal routine, not twice a year on holiday. Why not spend the money on couples therapy. Much harder work, but much more likely to help.

We have a fixed movie night (I mean on tele because we don’t have childcare). We share a bottle of wine and watch a movie because we are too tired to do anything else but it does help. We usually talk in bed as well before sleeping. It’s not easy but having snippets of the day when it’s just you two helps keep the connection going. Tbh counselling to help sort out your communication would probably be the best thing.