My parents think I am crazy who is being unreadable.

[Iknowiknow21]

so I know I will be probably jumped on and this is extremely outing so I changed names.

we recently lost my DP, and life has been one huge rollercoaster. I have 3 DC in the house ( 1 with health issues, 1 with sen )
I had already decided to relocate from London to Scotland ( where family is )
and it all went fairly smoothly in terms of selling and buying.
the house I purchased was significantly cheaper, than our previous house mainly down to location. We also received a life insurance policy and I had some money in savings.
I am on maternity leave at the moment but not planning on returning and will take an extra year off work.
we have struggled to find schools and so both are currently home schooled.
so I say one night looking at holidays, working out how much money I could afford and if travelling mainly around the uk with a few abroad trips thrown in would be possible for the entire year.
youngest is too young to understand and the other 2 are happy with the plan to travel for a year / take a year out of life.
my parents think it’s ridiculous, and it’s just me having a life crisis.
if you could, would you do it ?

YANBU - but. If you do this how do your finances look after? Will it be a year of fun followed by 10 years of scrimping?

Sorry for your loss.

frankly losing a parent and moving is a lot for young kids. I would focus on giving them stability, settling in a new home, making friends etc and do some
trips here and there.

for me, grieving and travelling with 3 kids foe a year (including two with health needs and a very small infant) sounds like a nightmare and I understand why your parents are concerned. I also find it a huge financial risk, money is available now but in 2 years you need a job and reliable childcare (which is expensive) plus potentially holiday care and after school care.

No I wouldn't because I think it would be a waste of money. Taking 2 years out of the workplace and not returning to your job could make your finances vulnerable. Unless you are in an industry where jobs are readily available I would want a nest egg as a cushion incase the job search takes longer than expected. If you own outright (no mortgage) then you'll have less costs but could put money towards the children's futures and I think that would be a better use. I also think that after such a devastating loss I would rather get the kids in some sort of routine but that's just me and I thrive on order and routine.

Ultimately it's up to you to decide what is best for your family and you know them best. So sorry for your loss op and good luck in whatever you choose to do.

@Pickled21 regardless if I travel I will not be going back straight away and will still be taking the additional year- that’s about one thing in certain about.
probably the only thing

Are you not worried it would get too much? Alone with 3 kids, travelling? And lonely too….

I honestly wouldn’t be game. I’d just feel too alone and being far away from people you know you can’t ask for help/get a break.

But if it’s what you and your older kids need then go for it! I have no experience with such a huge loss. Sending lots of positive vibes your way x

No , actually I wouldn't
If children have just lost their parent ,their home and school and friends and are in a completely new area ,with no school or friends,personally I'd be getting them settled and happy ,and saving any trips for the summer holidays .
But that's just me ,you must do what you think is right

It is really hard when you've had someone beside you to start making big, undiscussed decisions but trust yourself. Most people (maybe not a few good friends) will have their own agenda.

I sincerely wish you the very best, whatever you decide to do. It will be OK.

Same here. My aunt was also widowed young and in the first year was planning all sorts of crazy things which would have disrupted the children’s lives massively (selling house, moving, selling family business etc) thankfully she didn’t do it.

As you're already homeschooling I wouldn't do a big 'this is for a year' thing.

I'd just book the first trip and go. And then I'd see if it was better to hang around for a bit, or to move on, or to go home. And I'd keep doing that, depending on how it was working for us all.

This would be my approach as well. But there isn't one right way to live life.

I’m a bit confused sorry. Would you be using your home as a base or would you be travelling around the whole time and not coming home?

I would get homesick pretty quickly but if you have perviously travelled like this and enjoyed it then you should do it.

I think the abroad trips would interest me more.

Whatever you decide, don’t use all your money. Allocate a part of it only as you’ll want the rest at a later date.

And don’t rush into any decisions. You’ve had massive upheaval so don’t make life any harder on yourself.

What would your children’s father say? That would have a big influence on my decision. My gut says go for it. The worst that can happen is that you have to give up and go home at some point earlier than you planned.

I would do it, it's the sort of thing I used to think about, although that time has passed for me now as my children are too old so I'd have to go by myself!
However, I'd only do it if the children were truly up for it and excited about it. It's probably the best time to do it, considering your eldest is 10 already. Much older than that and there is a chance they will not want to, also if you get them into Year 7 somewhere it's better for them to be settled through secondary imo.

.

There is a thought that following a loss you shouldn't make any big changes for 6 months however it seems you are thinking it through.

I guess if it doesn't work out you'll just head home so not irreversible.

Sorry but why can’t they get school places?

Just hoping she doesn’t stretch herself too much financially.

I would travel, but not fixate on the time frame. Go for 2 weeks, see how it goes. Then plan a longer trip. Home school the kids. Spend a few weeks at your new home area exploring. Get them used to the new reality without the pressure of schools/friends.

Not anything like the same but my dad was illiterate. His health was poor so for about 18months when I was 9 he drove a flat bed truck all over the South of England and Wales. I went to navigate and deal with the paper work. I learnt a lot, not only how to read any map! But how to deal with adults, as an equal. How to negotiate from a weak position(we often had to wait to unload and larger vehicles got priority)

you kids have lost everything but you. Give them your time, build their confidence and trust in you.

I personally wouldn't as children need stability

I would not plan all twelve months. Start with maybe two or three months and see how well it’s working. If it isn’t, then change tack. If it is, then great.

Also, when your partner dies, leaving you with three young children, you are allowed to have a life crisis!

I really admire you and think it’d be an amazing experience. Ignore others, do what you feel is right.

I agree with this.
I think you all need to be settling into your new house / home , making new friends.
There is a lot to get used to, especially after such a devastating loss.
Kids need stability and routine.
And family support.
You're all had a lot of changes in such a short time.

Ok, having lost my dad suddenly at a similar age to your eldest, and my mum did something similar moving us to the other end of the country, here’s my 2p worth.

i lost my dad. Then I lost my house, my school, my hobbies, my neighbours, my friends. That was a shit ton of loss in a very short time span. Everything I’d ever known and my security.

so just bear that in mind when you make your decisions.

if you travel, do it now before they settle. It may not be a bad idea as a new school, house etc will all feel very alien to them, it might be good to get some distance between their dad’s death and their new lives. So it doesn’t feel like a complete before and after. They need some transition time.

I never express myself well and I never seem to be able to get across the enormity of my loss as a 10 year old. There was such an attitude of kids adapt, they’ll be fine. While I felt like I’d had my life taken and plonked into someone else’s life. I never did adapt.

lastly- you are their world now and it’s a big deal. Be careful they don’t try and make themselves responsible for your happiness. I suppressed all my own needs and wants to keep my mum happy. If she even suggested that doing x would be better than y, i’d do X, no matter how desperately I wanted to do y. Listen to them.

sorry for your loss. It’s shit.