To think DH should say if he's going for a nap

[Namechanges85437854]

Who is being unreasonable here?

A couple of hours ago, one of the kids was being a little annoying (repeated minor misbehaving) and DH got up and left the room. At the time I assumed he was getting frustrated, and needed 5 minutes to calm down to avoid snapping at DC. An hour and a half later me and other DC went upstairs to get something and DH got annoyed at us for disturbing his lie down.

I'm annoyed at him for not saying he was going for a nap, as it would have been handy to know I was parenting solo for the evening and I'd being waiting for him to come down before starting tea.

He feels he should be able to sleep whenever he wants/needs, and it's controlling of me to expect to be told

Couple of relevant factors at avoid drip feeding.

• DC have additional needs and need more supervision then others, it is much easier to cook tea if another adult is with them, though not impossible otherwise.

• I worked a night shift last night, and have only slept for an hour since, so I'm possibly just tired and grumpy. But just because I'm grumpy doesn't mean I don't also have a point.

I am always sneaking off for a nap. If I said anything everyone would follow me

It would take a hell of a drop feed to make this acceptable! You worked a night shift last night and have only had an hours sleep!!!! What the fuck?!?!

DH started doing this when we retired, I swiftly pointed out that if i am aware that he has done a fade then if he is not back in two hours, he is either asleep or having medical episode.😁

I don’t mind him wandering off, but a timeline is handy.

Regardless of the situation, it’s totally unreasonable of him not to tell you he was going for a nap. In the actual circumstances it’s awful! Poor you left to deal with everything and he calls you controlling to boot? No wonder you’re upset. I don’t have any answers as to how you make him see sense, but you definitely aren’t unreasonable or being grumpy!

LOL to the controlling. What if you popped off for a nap too. It's the kids that are controlling.

Why have you only had an hours sleep after a night shift? Surely you are the one who deserves a nap!!

My dh does this and it drives me insane. Disappears off to have a nap or to the far reaches of the garden etc without a word and naturally never takes his phone anywhere. Particularly drives me nuts when I tell him lunch is at 1pm and I make something that needs to be served instantly and he’s nowhere to be found.

I usually only sleep a few hours on Wednesday anyway, then go to bed early because it's the day I switch round to being awake at day and sleeping at night. However this week the few hours got cut down to 1 due to sorting book day costumes and a phone call from school.

You’ve only slept for an hour, and he disappears for a nap claiming he should be able to sleep whenever he ‘needs’ without talking to you?
i would absolutely have him scheduled to cook dinner and disappear the fuck out of the house before dinner prep started. And not come back until after they’d eaten. ‘What are you on about dh? Stop having a go, I should be able to go for a walk whenever I need. Why would I have to talk to you??’

Ah, so you’re the default parent in his eyes then! Seriously, give him
a taste of his own medicine then have another conversation about treating your partner with respect.