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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be a bit annoyed at my mum...

36 replies

Youcannotbeserious · 25/03/2008 22:23

... Was talking to my mum and getting the usual quick fire barrage of questions and she said to me 'And how's my little man?'

I immediately assumed she was talking about the dog (who she constantly tries to talk me into giving to her and my father) so I said, 'oh he's fine, he's asleep here at my feet'

And, she said 'No, I mean the baby'....

I know I'm probably being really over senstive and hormonal and irrational etc., but I DO NOT want my mum calling my son 'her little man'........

I've already let her do it with the dog (She often refers to the dog's home as her house, even though she lives over 300 miles away) and I'm absolutely adamant it's not going to happen with my son too..

AIBU or not?

And if I'm not, what's a good way to put her straight without offending her?

OP posts:

Kewcumber · 26/03/2008 14:03

I'm sure it's really hard to confront paretns. Years of playing a particular role with them is no doubt hard to break. But the message you are giving your DH is that colluding with their control is more important to you than his (adult male) view.

Nothing for it but to take a deep breath and put your foot down, if necessary let your DH take a bit of the flack - say he is insisting that they return the money and will consult a lawyer if they don't.

If they really fall out over it then they are a sad excuse for parents

Iklboo · 26/03/2008 14:13

Ask for your money back. It's yours. If she gets arsey, get a solicitor. You're an adult and she needs to treat you like one.
Make it perfectly clear they have NO rights to a share of any property you buy

Original poster

Youcannotbeserious · 26/03/2008 14:33

The really sad thing is, they had to write a letter stating that the money they gave me was a gift and didn't need to be returned...

but it never got forgotten...

What really gets me is that she can talk for HOURS until I mention a subject she doesn't want to talk about and then the phone goes down....

OP posts:

TwoFirTreesToday · 27/03/2008 14:58

Your husband sounds like he is running out of patience with them, I think I would too! You said that they kept it because you didnt have an account, can you set one up especially and try that approach. Might work? Might be a last shot before a solicior and all hell breaking loose! I feel for you tho, sounds really awful.

I would feel the same as you about the 'my little man'. I suspect she really means 'my' little man, and I would stamp on it. Bit then I have control issues too!

Flubdub · 27/03/2008 15:10

Do you have another family member on your side(ie sister, aunt) that would go with you to your parent s and talk to them with you?
It would be a neutral help. I think if you tried to reason with them with your husband there, as he is so mad, maybe it would make things worse.
You must remember, the money is yours . Not theirs!
You have every right to have it back, even if you ARE going to spend it on drink and drugs!

lollipopmother · 27/03/2008 15:14

Jesus the money situation is ridiculous, you MUST get it back. Are you sure they haven't spent it? And if they haven't, the reason they don't want to give it to you is because it's making them a nice bit of interest, I'm hoping to God you didn't hand over the WHOLE SUM that you received for the sale of your house??

LadyJH · 27/03/2008 15:26

Tell her you won't be answering the phone anymore until she pays back all of your money. Two can play at blackmail!

Original poster

Youcannotbeserious · 27/03/2008 17:45

TFFT - That's the issue - DH does have an account and wants all our money in the one account... DH is rapidly losing patience...

And, yes, I'm afraid I tend to agree with you that the comment 'my' little man - it's smacks of my mum, I'm afraid....

She really likes to be in control and be central to everything - She's not really happy unless everything is revolving around her - it's the same with the dog, the baby and the money... It's the same issue really....

OP posts:

TwoFirTreesToday · 29/03/2008 08:25

do you have a high interest account? Maybe if its in just your name and set up especially for the money? Is the account in your DH's name alone? Maybe they have trust issues with him?

Original poster

Youcannotbeserious · 29/03/2008 11:31

they have trust issues with everyone

The account is in joint names now we are married... and honestly, I am no Amy Winehouse, DH is no Pete Docherty etc.,

Anyway, she's coming down next week so I am going to talk to her........ I think face to face will be much easier than over the phone (and anyway, she'll be FAR too worried over my bump!! )

OP posts:

windygalestoday · 29/03/2008 11:45

im not being presumptious but i wonder if their controlling behaviour is because of your past experiences (i dont mean that nastily)maybe they think you have 'lost out' before and by guarding YOUR money they re protecting you ? if that money was from b4 u were married maybe they think its 'yours'....my childrens godmother comes from quite a weatlthy family she is well educated and v lovely but absolutely useless with money she gets taken for a ride with lots of money in most relationships- although she is currently married to vv wealthy man .....maybe you need to put it into an account in your name only to appease them?

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