Im not sure I can go on like this

[babepig]

Married 8y, 2DC ages 2 and 6 (2yo suspect neurodivergent, 6yo just very needy)

I work 4 days a week (self employed) I do 8/10 school runs, all the nursery runs, all the driving, all the cleaning in the house, all the diary management for everyone, all the appointments etc, 90% of the cooking, 50% of the dog walking, 50% of the food shop.

My DH works 4 days a week (has DC2 on Thursdays) but leaves the house at 7.15 and gets back at 5.30 so misses getting the kids ready in the morning and the school run. He cooks usually 1 night a week at a push 2. He does the recycling, he does half the dog walks.

I feel completely burnt out. I do love him but in all honesty I'm thinking about leaving him because I don't see how else I am going to get him to take more responsibility. We have tried dividing up the jobs, chore lists, apps etc. We are in a bad place with lots of resentment in the relationship and about to start couples counselling but honestly is there any point?

I do love him but I am dead on my feet. I sleep badly and have put on weight and I just feel so low and tired all the time.

Practical things you can do straight away.

Get a cleaner
Get a dog walker
Get gousto/Cook ready meals etc to take the pressure off shopping for dinners/thinking about what to have for dinner and to make cooking easier as everything is pre measured etc.

Do these ASAP to take some of that pressure off. If he protests or resists just say no sorry its either this or we break up at this point. Then arrange marriage counselling if you want to salvage the relationship.

Also address the bad sleep and your wellbeing. Get to the GP and get a full MOT done.

Also stop doing his stuff - no appointments and diary management for him, he can sort that himself or miss out.

Agree, get paid help wherever possible and do exercise

He is very unlikely to take more responsibility if you leave him.

It's possible but unlikely.

Sorry.

Buy in what help you can, drop as much as you can get away with.

Sit down with him and write down what you do now, then what you'd have to do if you split from him and have the kids 50/50.

Due to the unfair current division of labour, the split is looking soooooooo attractive right now, there's only upsides for you and downsides for him (aside from possibly the financials, I'm not sure which of you is the higher earner).

Tell him he needs to make it worth you staying in the relationship, because him doing 100% of his own housework, own laundry and looking after the kids 50% of the time, all whilst paying all the accommodation costs and bills by himself is going to take considerably more effort from him than what he's putting in now.

Surely the simplest thing for him to do is pitch into the relationship and parenting and housework more now, so he doesn't have to do it all by himself later?