I (F53) and DH (M65) have been together for over 25 years. We have two adult DCs and one young DD (F7). DH is now retired and I work, but we still have paid childcare after school; in school holidays we have childcare or I work half days and she watches TV the other half day. He never takes her out anywhere. He has mobility issues but won’t seek help – might need a knee replacement. My main problem is that DH gets angry very quickly over tiny things e.g. recently blew up because I didn’t understand what he meant when we were dismantling an item of furniture. Shouting ‘push the button’ several times then ‘just push the f button’. I walked away and said I wasn’t helping if he was going to shout and he shouted ‘f off then’. This was in front of my family and was humiliating for me.
I considered leaving him before DD was born. I'm now thinking about this again. He has good points – he’s intelligent, he does the cooking, and can be good company. But I can’t tolerate the rages over the tiniest thing and the lack of self-perception – he generally blames us for his temper, saying ‘if you/DD hadn’t done x/y/z then I wouldn’t have got angry’. Sometimes it’s a few days between blow-ups and sometimes several months, and he has shouted at our DD too. He refuses to seek counselling. AIBU to think of leaving him. I know he won’t leave the house though so don’t know how this would work.