Please help me

[Dontbesaft]

Unashamedly dramatic

It's my dads funeral tomorrow

career has given me years of public speaking.

Tomorrow I am delivering one of my dads eulogies

My brother is doing the other.

i can’t get through mine without breaking down.

This is not me. I did mums, and I was no way as close to her.

Too late for GP help

any advice would be so helpful

I'm sorry for your loss.

If you can't do its that's fine. Quickly ask another friend or tell the person doing the service.

It's ok that you can't on this occasion.

@Dontbesaft , I get it. There's nothing worse than a parent passing
Believe me, I hear you....if u have emotion when saying Uthe eulogy, let it happen. I'm sure lots of people there will feel similar.... emotions are there for a reason. Aty sisters funeral, we all cried while saying our peice. 🤗🤗🤗

I’m so sorry for your loss.
First, no one will be bothered if you cry, or get part way through. Everyone is there to support you and will understand what a difficult day it is for you.
If it helps have a friend or relative stand with you who can take over if necessary.

Just a hug and to say sorry for your loss.I found when delivering my mums one I mainly spoke to the back wall , I did focus on her youngest grandson for one bit specific to the bond they shared.
No-one is going to judge you. A lot of people can't or choose not to do this
I had it in my head it was a final act , care I was doing for her .
It will be OK

Ah love, I'm sorry for your loss.
Can you just "do what you can" so to speak? There's no rule that says you have to make a speech or be all deep and moving or anything.
Just get up and say a few words to your lovely Dad.
At my Dad's funeral, I just leant down and whispered my last goodbye to him.
Nobody, absolutely nobody! Gets to tell you what's "right" or "wrong" - you aren't there to perform your feelings for others, you're there to see your Dad off on his last journey. Whatever you say will be fine, and if anyone dates to complain, just tell them, very politely, to Fuck Off. Then walk away.

So sorry for your loss.

It doesn't matter if you break down, people will understand and empathise with you. If you can't finish it or need support that's fine too. No one will think bad of you..

hello, I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my Dad recently and felt nervous at the thought of becoming emotional at the funeral.

It’s ok to be emotional, could you ask the celebrant to read out your words if you feel you can’t get through it?

I found the funeral comforting and I hope you find some peace in his send off tomorrow

Nobody is going to think any less of you if you break down. It’s your dad’s funeral, if you’re emotional, you should make no apologies for it. Good luck, and my condolences.

You may feel differently tomorrow. If you don't. Just pass your speech ti the celebrant and they can read it on your behalf. This happens a lot. Prewarn them first

I'm so sorry for your loss OP.

When I did my sister's, I found it helpful to take a small ruler and slide it down the paper (that was resting on the lectern) as I read, so if I had to pause I didn't lose my place.

I also had a cousin sitting in the front row as 'back up', so that if I did break down, he would come and stand beside me and (as the ruler would be in place) pick up where I left off.

I didn't need him as I got through it somehow, but knowing I had him as a 'Plan B' really helped.

Most importantly just know that absolutely no-one would blame you for breaking down at such a sad time

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I didn't think I could do my mother's but I did. I saw my lovely DH in the front row looking so proud of me, which helped. It was a kind of celebration of her life, though. not only about grieving. I knew I would regret it if I didn't do it, and will always be glad I did.
No real advice, but will be holding you and your DF in my thoughts and prayers for tomorrow. What time is the service?

Btw it doesn't matter if you break down, no one will mind, and everyone will understand. I saw this recently at a funeral when a young guy of 19 broke down as he spoke about his beloved grandfather, who had been like a father to him. It brought everyone present together somehow. Hug.

Sorry to read of your loss.

Hope all goes well for you tomorrow 🌹

@Dontbesaft ((((HUG))))

I don't do public speaking if I can get out if it! BUT I wanted to speak at my Dads funeral. So I prepared & write it out long hand & had my best friend on stand by & the celebrant (who was also a friend) in case I couldn't.

As it was, I managed just fine (except for blathering on too long I suspect!!) but it made it so much easier just knowing they were there for me!!

I hope it goes as well as these things can tomorrow, I'll be thinking if you! 🌷

Have you written it down? Is there someone else that can read it on your behalf? No one will tho k bad of you for being unable to do this. It's the time when you are vulnerable and emotional. If you can't, you can't. Don't put yourself through emotional distress for anyone else. You owe them nothing and your dear departed wouldn't want that either.

That's such a good idea.xx

Sorry for your loss.

Why do this to yourself?
Ask someone else to read your words for you. Either another friend or relative, or the celebrant.
Perfectly normal thing to do.
No way would I have been able to read the eulogy at either of my parents' funerals, so I didn't try. Nor did any of my siblings.

Read it out loud over and over and cry as much as you want before the funeral, then when you come to read it at the funeral you'll have cried yourself out

Worked for me.

Also have a friend on standby to take over from you in case you can't get through it.

Sorry for your loss.

I'm a celebrant.

Reading it now and breaking down might be very different from tomorrow. The funeral sometimes brings a different kind of composure.

Today you are free to break down - no-one is watching you, there are no expectations. Plus today you are reading it, feeling emotional and ALSO imagining all the feelings you will have tomorrow (which your mind interprets as just the same as if it were happening). That is a lot to deal with. Tomorrow you will be coping with (only) the real feelings you are having at the time.

Take it slow. The pp suggestion about having a ruler under each line is good.

In my experience the place you are likely to crack is at the end. Have a point, one sentence before the end where you can stop.

Stick to your script.

And if you feel like you can't do it, others WILL be happy to step in. It is good that you are willing to try.

Print up an extra copy of the eulogy and ask someone reliable to take over if you can’t continue. The vicarage or celebrant or a friend. Everyone at a funeral understands how difficult it is.
Sending you a hug.

How did it go OP? I hope you are OK and that you got through the day.

Sorry for such delay in responding. The funeral was truly a celebration of my dad. In the end I spent most of the night playing all the music and hymns. Kept reading my eulogy and also my brothers. On the day I got through it and my voice only broke slightly in the last sentence.

No judgement if it’s too much for others ( I thought it would be for me) but I am so proud I got through it.

All your advice helped so much💐

Really good to hear that OP- well done and thanks for the update! You may get some people on here giving you advice for the duopoly as people often don't check dates or later messages, but hopefully not.

I'm sorry for your loss and hope you are doing ok.