Husband works FT and I work PT but I feel like I do everything around the house and more

[Mum8929]

Fed up but wondering if I am being unreasonable really. Basically I feel completely exhausted, I work PT and our child is in nursery 3 1/2 days a week. On our day off we go to a class together and then I usually try to squeeze errands in do the food shop and plan our meals. Our little one is 17 months old and when she is awake it’s hard work. I have a 1/2 day to myself Friday mornings but it’s usually spent cleaning the house because my husband does nothing and shopping. He never plans what we eat for the week, do shopping, never bought any clothes for our little one or toys. Never looks into anything for our little one unless I nag. I’m just fed up of having to have all the mental load. I feel like he comes home from work and I have to constantly ask for help with our little one. I’m exhausted and fed up, I’m tired of feeling like I’m dating a child. Recently I’ve had to tell him he needs to buy new clothes, remind him of getting haircuts etc. Am I being unreasonable?

No you’re not being unreasonable. From my experience, some men don’t understand the mental load. I know my dh doesn’t so I sat him down and wrogr down a list of all the things that go through my head in one day so he could see all the planning I had to do just to get on with the day. He could easily see all the different housework tasks that needed done everyday, not just the weekly stuff. All the things I needed to prep just to get out the house with our toddler. All things that he would miss and just think we would get by okay. Even planning the food shop around what food I know my toddler will eat, what I want her to try and what will last nearly a week to prevent me having to keep going back.

This helped a bit, he won’t ever fully understand it and I think he puts it down to my anxiety and thinks I over complicate things but we now have a better split of things. He does a lot more housework, he comes home
and spends time with our toddler so I can catch my breath and he’s started to plan days out and get everything organised so I don’t have to do it. I think one thing I’ve found is stepping back, it’s hard as I guess I want to control things but letting him take our toddler out and not prep the changing bag was a lesson for him!

The only thing you’re unreasonable about is starting yet another thread on basically the same question. There have been SO many of these lately.

essentially though, my view is if you work PT then you should do more of the home stuff. That isn’t a popular Mn view I know. It isn’t impossible to get stuff done with a little one. But your husband should be more invested. Talk to him about what you need.