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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that I must be the problem??

10 replies

TwindleSpin · 05/03/2024 21:35

Whenever I spend time with family, there are always so many little things that I just can’t deal with. For example, people being rude. Asking me a question and then picking up their phone when I start answering and totally disengaging. People being defensive and generally finding a reason to disagree with anything I say. When I try to offer to do a nice thing, to treat my nephews to something small and am told by their mum they wouldn’t like it anyway. I mean, why not just appreciate the thought behind the gesture? It’s an endless list of minor issues that just becomes like a never ending reel of events that are all just irritating.

Recently, I’m just thinking that I must be the problem. Im the common denominator. But I just feel like those around me just seem to always take issue where no issue needs to be taken. Always have to put a negative spin on absolutely anything I ever try to do to be nice or kind.

Do some people just want a really negative life? I just feel like maybe life would be better if I just don’t get involved with any of them. But the sad thing is, I really want to be involved. It almost feels like they are in some way acting as if we are in competition and needing to down-do anything that I say or do.

But I’m really second guessing myself and thinking I must be doing something to cause all of this. Maybe I’m in some way irritating everyone, without knowing it.

I feel silly for posting and I’m aware that I’m rambling but the specific details would be really outing and I’d appreciate any advice.

OP posts:
TwindleSpin · 05/03/2024 21:35

YABU - you are the problem here!

YANBU - you’re doing nothing wrong!

OP posts:
PonyPatter44 · 05/03/2024 21:45

Some families are deep in the crab bucket. They don't like people enjoying themselves or doing well, and will always tr to drag you back down to the same gloomy joyless level as themselves.

They can't help it,and you can't change them. Keep offering to do nice things for your nephews and help them find their way out of the bucket if possible. You sound really nice, you can build a great life for yourself despite your family

Aquamarine1029 · 05/03/2024 21:51

Family is a funny thing. Quite often, they are people that we would never choose to have in our lives, but here they are. I do not adhere to the tired "blood is thicker than water" bullshit, and you shouldn't, either. Toxic people who make us unhappy and don't offer anything positive to our lives should be removed from it, family or not.

You don't owe these people anything.

Daisysarebacksoon · 05/03/2024 21:58

Hello sounds very annoying for you
I clicked yanbu as most likely your family are just a bit difficult…. Picking up phone sounds very annoying!

but in terms of offering stuff for your nephews - I guess that depends… I think their parents are sensible to say if they wouldn’t like it (if it’s a trip or something…. Or if a gift would cost u money and be a waste) and the context to your story probably matters here even if you can’t share details

eg i had a relative who used to always be sending recommendations and advice to me, sometimes in form of gifts (think of something like eco-products for kids), and I did sometimes tell them what was/wasn’t suited to my kids as otherwise I felt like they wouldn’t get to know their prefs/needs if that makes sense.
i am a bit blunt though
it possibly annoyed them!

So Sometimes I think it can just be blunt people rather than something personal at you - unless they are rude with it

Daisysarebacksoon · 05/03/2024 21:59

But - if you offered a gift and it wasn’t suitable, I’d expect someone reasonable to pick up the thread and suggest something different or be appreciative!!

Footgoose · 05/03/2024 22:03

I could have written your post. The whole of my husbands family behave exactly the same way toward me. I sometimes feel invisible. I’m pretty much ignored by all of them until I’m useful for something. 🌻

SameNameNoGain · 05/03/2024 22:07

I'd hazard a guess that your the scapegoat OP. What are the other family dynamics like? Is there a favoured one? A golden child?

LoIaQ · 05/03/2024 22:19

I think this is hard to judge without the actual info

Bex5490 · 05/03/2024 22:41

@TwindleSpin Have you tried spending time with them separately rather than all together?

If they’re naturally negative it’s probably worse in a bigger group.

DullGret · 05/03/2024 22:45

Not enough information, OP. From what you say, it could be you, or it could be them. Does it matter? It’s not working for you. See less of them.

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