Music practice

[Regularchoice]

I don't play any instruments/cannot read music and am not completely tone deaf, but probably not far off. My husband's family play many musical instruments each and he wants the same for our children. One child ( older) practices independently and works hard at it, and enjoys playing. The other needs alot of encouragement.
I work part-time hours, do all cooking, shopping, cleaning. My husband works sometimes from home, sometimes travels away. He has asked ( told??) me to sit with the reluctant musician for 40 mins practice every day when he's not there. I have said no, I don't have time and am also not musical. I said the best I can do is listen from the kitchen as I cook dinner and offer encouragement. Aibu?

How old is the child? That sounds a lot of daily practice if they are quite young. And if they aren't motivated, they may end up hating it. Little and often may be better, and encouragement from the kitchen may be more motivational anyway.

How old is your younger child? As in, 40 mins is a lot of time for a young child to stay focused on practising an instrument. Perhaps you could spend 20 mins with him/her? But it should be absolutely of your own choosing, not your husband telling you to do so. My mum used to sit with us when we were young and she didn’t play an instrument nor was she musical. She did help us to stay focused though. Maybe something that might help is, if you (your child and you) picked out the “hard” bit-even three or four bars would do; child practises that for ten mins and then you listen to it; then you both pick out another section and do the same thing. 20 mins of focused practice is far better than 40mins of mindlessly playing something, stumbling through the tricky part, finishing and repeating same thing over and over again. If scales are part of the practise session, just devise a routine-eg Right hand x3 times; Left hand x 3 times; Hands together x3 times; then they play the scale for you once. (That’s for piano scales, if another instrument, obviously no separate hand practising needed!)

A structured, focused practice session is more important than a lengthy one, in my opinion.

Absolutely the best way to kill love of music.
Ridiculous.

Tell your dh to bugger off and do someone research..

They can move along and become gently motivated without pressure to practise. Maybe they hate it and won't ever play.

How old is the child?

I'm musical but wouldn't expect 40 mins practice a day!!

My 13 year old does 20 mins a day practice but he is doing grade 5 shortly.

My 8 year old needs someone to sit with him and support him and help. DH doesn't do this as he isn't particularly musical.

But 40 minutes seems excessive.

I agree that 40 minutes is too long if the child is not intrinsically motivated to do that. We tend to stick to a daily 15-20 minutes, but there will be days where DS takes himself off to the piano and plays for the best part of an hour. When I was young my piano teacher told my mum to not let me think of it as practice, think of it as playing for fun and I stick by that with my DC. Practice is pointless if they're not enjoying it.

Thanks for the responses. Regarding the pressure killing a love of music, that was my instinct also. Youngest is 11
I could probably manage a productive 20 minutes, that sounds much more reasonable.
I thought 40 minutes was alot too and that was a compromise! The teacher said " no more than an hour per day" I was taken aback, but hey, what do I know!

20minsmax at that age if reluctant.

40 minutes a lot? Mine do 2 hours plus a day!

I am similarly non musical with a musical dh, OP. I think YANBU. Your dh has to give the dc the love of the music, or it's a non starter. If he wants them to have the music, he's just going to have to find the time to accompany your dc and teach them to love it.

Something that can help a less motivated child is to listen to a podcast while doing the really repetitive boring bits like scales or doing a tricky bit ad infinitum. Instrument playing is also about muscle memory, and doing something else they enjoy while doing the less enjoyable bits can be fairly motivating.

I would actually hate for them to hate music. It's such a cliché. I adore listening to all kinds of music although I never played. The world needs musicians. Thanks for the reassurance that my instincts are correct.

Good tip Catherine, thanks

2 of my dc are musical, they do 2 x10 mins per day practise, on weekends slightly more and then their lessons on top.

40 mins a day, every day sounds like a recipe for making your dc despise music.

It's taken some time but our 10yo with ADHD manages to practice independently, so there is no need for you to be fully facilitating practice sessions.

We've found the mornings work better for us as he can relax after school. I'd try some different times of the day to see what sticks?

I really appreciate the replies and I'm so glad I posted. As I said I have zero experience of learning music so just had no idea what's realistic/reasonable for kids.
Tbh I was starting to hate the dreaded music practice myself, so can only imagine how poor dc were feeling 😔

Why have you stood by and let your husband force the poor child? Not all of us like the same things.
Let them quit music and do something else. Or nothing at all. It's their choice. If they have to be forced they don't like it!

My mum made me learn the piano because she thought it was cool and music helped brain development. It was OK but my true passion was dance, which she saw no point in. I could never sit still enough to practise. As an adult I'm taking pole dance lessons and LOVING it, wish I could have started earlier, it's healthier too. Obviously I like music - dancing to it, not producing it.

Don't be my mum.

At 11 if you are spending 40 mins per day on music, what amount of time is being spent on homework and exercise/sport? What about other extra curricular activities? Do they do chores? How often do they see friends?

If you are getting that balance right then you then need to be asking does the child enjoy this and what are they getting out of it. Expecting a parent to sit for 40 mins per day to supervise a kids music session does seem excessive. There has to be an element of self motivation there too by this age. What is Dad's goal?

I'm a piano teacher and 20 minutes a day is a perfectly adequate amount of practice for an 11 year old. I tell my students parents not to force practice but incentivise with rewards etc and 5 minutes a day is better than nothing.

My parents made me practise loads. Made me hate it.

40 minutes!!

I play an instrument for fun and am competent enough to play in a local amateur band. I have rarely practiced that much, even when I was doing grade exams.

DD, now an adult, is similar. She chose a completely different instrument to me so, although I supervised practice when she was young, I couldn't help much technically. I don't ever recall her practicing that much. OK she will never be a grade 8 I don't suppose but she plays well enough to have fun and be in amateur orchestras.

So yeah, I think don't force it. If they like it enough to do it for fun but not passionate enough to do it professionally then so what? Don't spoil the fun.

Its not just about age but where they are - beginner, intermediate etc

If they have only been learning a year or two, 10-15 mins a day will get you through early grade level music

If theyve been at it 3-4 years, they should manage 20-30 mins.

If they've been doing it 5+ years and are targetting gr 5 etc, I'd say you need to do 30 mins 5 or so times a week.

I'd start with a regular 20 mins and break it into sections.
5 mins scales
15 mins pieces

Let the 20 mins become a comfortable routine and then see if you can do something like 20 mins on school days, 30 on weekends as a compromise.

Make it fun - talk to the teacher about exploring different musical styles and finding things they enjoy - pop song arrangements, jazz pieces etc.

I have an older child working towards grade 8 who probably does 20mins here and there and sometime a longer session if she's in the mood. I don't force her and she's doing well.

Younger child we aim to do 5-10mins every other day...

40 minutes is a long time if you’re not loving the instrument.

My son is 14 and doing his grade 5 but very musical and has his lessons x2 weekly, plus is doing music GCSE, often plays during lunch break/after school, plus has studio time 1x weekly and he still practices for a good 30-60 minutes daily on top and that’s all self directed, he just loves it.

I think making your DC practice when they don’t want to will cause them to hate it.