AIBU to think that people who criticise my looks are right?

[Potentialfutureliverbird]

Hi all, new here so please be kind.

I would consider myself well dressed and groomed. I wear smart, quality clothing, have regular haircuts and wear natural makeup every day. I have been told I'm beautiful/stunning/pretty etc (i certainly dont believe it), have a job that requires at least A level qualifications, although it is in a creative field and not that well paid, and am university educated.

However, I've been called a "scruff" or "ugly" so many times, often unwarranted, but it's been the first thing I've been called whenever I've gotten into an argument with a stranger (I know, I know- I'm very feisty and stick up for myself)- either that or it's "look at the state of you?!". I've been called both by both women and men.

The thing is, is that whenever I've been called either, it has always been by a person far "scruffier" or "uglier" than me: Think tracksuit/hoodie wearing, bike riding wrong-uns or overweight, gobby women with about 3 inches of makeup on and their arses hanging out! I grew up on an estate full of these types, but my parents were v hard working and we had a little more than the others, yet no matter what trainers or clothes i wore or how i did my hair i was still called names. I also had very bad acne which didnt help at all.

This has been happening all my life, and I'm now in my early 30s. Where do they get the "scruff" from?! I know I'm silly to for even caring what these idiots think but it still hits a nerve. Or is it something about me or how i might come across that hits a nerve with them? It's just happened so often that I'm starting to think maybe I am "scruffy" or "ugly". Or do i somehow hit a nerve in them and they're projecting their own insecurites? How can i be told i look lovely at one point and then be called a scruff or ugly at another? Which one am I? Any advice is greatly appreciated.

I'd suggest that your other half is the low life in this situation.

@takealettermsjones no I'm not from Liverpool, I'm from the North East but funnily enough I'm planning on moving to Liverpool as I love it there, hence my user name. Every time I've been to and stayed over in Liverpool, everyone has been nothing but lovely to me- even the "glam" women 😊

How can i be told i look lovely at one point and then be called a scruff or ugly at another?

People have different tastes. I think Benedict C is odd looking many here love him 🤷🏻‍♀️

I am so confused as to how you have so many people passing comment on how you look (both positively and negatively). People just don't really comment on the way I look.

How does this even happen?

Do random strangers just start calling you names out of the blue?

It doesn't matter how well put together you think you are, if you're regularly having shouting matches in the street with strangers, you're unattractive

People say stuff like that when they have arguments. It's nothing to do with what you look like. Oh and stop getting into fights fgs.

This is a very odd post. Who are you arguing with? You think you are beautiful but “feisty” and randoms who you are criticising call you scruffy.

Much of this does not add up.

🤣🤣🤣

I have no idea where to start with this. I suppose the things to ask yourself are:

1. Why do you keep getting yourself in to situations where people feel the need to insult you?

2. Are you a clatty scruff bag?

You can spend hundreds of £ on an outfit, have your hair highlighted, nails polished, Jimmy Choo shoes etc, however:

1. if you don’t separate and wash/dry clean and iron your clothes they will look like you’ve slept in them.
2. highlighted hair is great but if you don’t wash it for 10 days at a time it looks terrible.
3. short, clean, unpolished nails look neater than chipped or overgrown gel
4. Fancy shoes are lovely but not if the heels are worn and unpolished.

Either way you need to have an honest look at yourself because without meeting you, we have no idea.

🤣

I have never heard of someone saying something like this just out the blue. Doesn't sound like you keep nice company!

I think it's just an empty insult. If you want to insult someone you've got to say something!

The one and only time I've been called scruffy, it was by a pompous old gent in the South of France so I ignored it. I was, however, scruffy by the standards of such people. People who actually want to insult me have a plethora of far more cutting choices afforded by my awful teeth, bumpy nose, home-dyed hair, sagging skin, menopausal belly and the fact I smell of smoke (among other things!)

I know, I'm gorgeous 😂 If I can be bothered to respond to an insult, I usually agree.

Your being a paragon of beauty & taste, however, provides no such opportunities to the insulting. I almost feel sorry for them. I do wonder, though, why a 'feisty' individual of impeccable appearance would be so disturbed by empty insults as to think they might be true ...

When you argue with someone who has no argument themselves they usually resort to something they think will wound the opponent, and that’s usually appearance. It doesn’t matter if it’s reflective of the truth or not, they go with what they assume someone’s weak spot is. I had bullies call my house tell
me
inwas so disgusting I should kill myself, my legs would make them vomit all the while they looked like a boiled ham in a bag (not that it matters). It’s messed with my self perception for ages, but once you realise it’s more about them and not you, it feels quite liberating.

Why do you find that so odd? I don't want to brag on myself, but I'm like the OP in that I get quite a lot of compliments on my appearance: I'm not saying that I'm a stunning beauty but I have a pretty face, a nice figure, and I dress very well (after years of practice, my dress sense was all over the place in my twenties!) I also in the past used to get some not so complimentary comments on my dress sense, mostly from the sort of women who think that the Kardashians are style icons.

Right, I'm going to tell you this now:

You can't go round gobbing off at people in Liverpool. You'll get your hair ripped out. Decent people are welcomed in this city with open arms but there's zero tolerance for dickheads.

Stop fannying on about your looks and start worrying about the type of person you are.

OP sounds like a judgey snob o me and I bet she gives as good as she gets

Post a pic of you - face obscured.

And that is the Liverpool I know. 😂👏👏

Guess I'm just ugly

I'm sure you're not, but if you don't dress in an eye catching way, people aren't going to comment. I personally take an especial pride in being nicely turned out, it is a major source of self esteem for me. I don't mean I doll myself up like a Kardashian, but I take care to coordinate my clothes, accessorise well, etc. If your style is more nondescript, that's fine as well but people aren't going to say anything about it either way.

Is this when you have had a few and are cruising for a fight at closing time?

Your husband sounds like a low life himself

That’s a myth and a stereotype, most women are not walking about their everyday life like a wag or glamour puss. The same stereotype applies to Essex and Newcastle women but it’s rarely true.

Im from Liverpool and by my own admission it has more than its own fare share of gobshites.