Would we be stupid to rent instead?

[FeelLikeAFailure2]

My partner and I have just returned from a few months travelling South America. It was amazing but now we are unsure what to do.

We want to buy eventually, but have very little savings at the moment.
We initially agreed to live with his parents, we figured it’d take us 18 months to 2 years to save up a deposit. We are very lucky to have the option, but our issues are:

• i rented my own flat before we went travelling and we loved the space and freedom. We also have been with each other the whole of travelling. We can’t imagine now living with parents
• the house is fairly small, with one bathroom and a small bedroom
• I absolutely love my cooking and we’d find it hard to cook our own lunches and dinners (small kitchen and parents who cook everything)
• They have a dog who barks everytime someone enters the house. The parents go to bed early so we’d feel awful everytime we’d want to come home later than like 10pm

we just think we’re going to find it really hard to do this for 2 years. We really value our space, love living together and cooking and having breakfast in bed etc and now we don’t feel we could do that. Like I say; we’re very lucky but it’s a small house with 3 other members. Plus, as much as I like my partners mum, she can be quite full on and in his business.

So we thought maybe we’d try it over summer and then maybe rent somewhere if we’re not enjoying it. But would this be a stupid idea?

There's nothing wrong with your plan to try then review. It's the most sensible option and gives you a start on savings. If manageable for you all I'd try make it work as long as possible. There's sacrifices in both options so pick the one most comfortable for you. When you're paying rent plus bills and then commute/shopping and everything else what will you be realistically able to save and how long will it take to get a deposit?

I would definitely rent. I just couldn't live with parents again, I would be miserable.

I think you should work out how long it's going to take you to save up for a deposit if you rent.

Four years of living frugally might be OK but ten not so much.

I'd do the maths for all different scenarios. Bedsit, house share. And maximising your income. Could you do an evening shift each somewhere to help cover the rent?

Do you trust they would tell you the truth when asked if you could live with them? Would you tell a child No? Unlikely the answer back would be "no you're not moving in here are you mad?"

You've already said - shes to involved in his business... Will he side with mum if you two end up having disagreements? That's going to potentially damage yours and his relationship too. You need to listen to that gut feel, at best you'll shift the dynamic in your relationship with his parents, at worst you will end up hating each other, relationship being irreparably damaged and that may impact your relationship with DP.

You have experienced life under your own terms - to go back to living under someone else's roof could be hell on earth after the initial niceness period runs out. Their house, their rules... you're not the blood relative either so you just have to put up and shut up. Just don't do it.

Another option

Live with parents
Get 2 or more jobs at the same time, so that you both spend as little as possible time at home
Save up quicker

Try it by all means but I cannot see it working sadly. I went travelling in the 80's and lived back with my parents whilst I found my feet. Lasted weeks. Then rented asap

How long to save in the cheapest rental? This would be the deciding factor and probably depends where you are. I'm someone who hugely values freedom so would hate to live with parents so my instincts would be screaming at me not to do it but it's not for long if you both stick to your commitment.

That said I think it is a risk to your relationship so weigh things up. If it's 4 years to save when renting I'd do that, if 9 then at least give it a try with the parents.

Heads down, as much overtime as possible or a second job and spend as much time as possible or if the house, long walks together etc.

You need to be sure you're on the same page re frugality levels- if you're saving every penny to buy ASAP and he's enjoying being rent free by living lavishly then that's going to cause resentment. Similarly discuss how you're going to draw boundaries about e.g. not having every meal with the parents etc if you don't want to. If your partner reverts to being a teenager that'll really cause problems.

Could you do a house share, rent a room rather than a whole property? Cheaper option and gives you more freedom. No one will be cooking for you!

Well you could live with them for a few months whilst you find a decent flat or house to rent. It may take a time as the market is dire currently anyway.