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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Think ds is shoplifting aibu to not know what to do??

8 replies

changeusernametoooften · 04/03/2024 17:27

Ds is 14 and recently started hanging out in town with his friends a lot more than he did before hes got a new friend group which im not too happy with as i know some of his new friends vape, drink alcohol and i suspect weed use. iv told him to stay away from that stuff and that his new friends may not be a great influence on him but he tells me he doesnt do any of that stuff. he gets a small amount of pocket money but thats not nearly enough to cover all the new things he’s been bringing home lately, clothes, sweets, cans upon cans of red bull which ive told him he cant have in the house, and shops shouldn’t even serve him anyway, but he doesnt listen. im pretty sure he is shoplifting as thats the only way he would have the money to afford all this stuff, he really doesnt get enough money to pay for it all. when i ask him he just says that either it was on sale, or that one of his friends bought it for him, but i dont see why they would be continuously buying him stuff when he doesnt have the means to pay them back. i know that shoplifting has been an issue in his year group because the school emailed parents to say that groups of kids have been caught shoplifting in the local supermarket that’s right by the school and that they all go to in the mornings and after school.

my question now is how do I confront him about this? i could ground him, but since he walks to school and leaves the house after i go to work I can’t actually stop him going out before school and meeting up with his mates. I also had an email around a month ago saying that he was showing up late to his tutor period and im pretty sure thats because he meets up with his friends before school. grounding him and stopping his pocket money won’t really help if he is shoplifting, especially since i cant stop him going out before school as ive gone to work by then. obviously i will stop his money, but im not sure how to stop him from going down this path

OP posts:
Garlicking · 04/03/2024 17:40

Some of his acquisitions should be traceable, clothes for instance. Ask to see his receipts. Tell him he must show receipts in future, or you'll report him for suspected theft. And report him! I doubt the cops have enough manpower to visit teenagers to deliver scary warnings, as they used to, but they probably have some deterrent approach that will impress a 14-year-old.

The dodgy friends are less of a clear-cut issue. It's really hard not to be one of the 'cool kids' so I'm afraid you're in for a worthwhile parenting campaign, educating him on the kinds of problems that lead kids into borderline criminal activities and how to tell when they're escalating to serious danger. You need him to be relatively open with you, which will doubtless take a lot of patience and a big effort not to seem judgemental.

FarmGirl78 · 04/03/2024 17:44

It's unlikely, but it may be country lines..... Where he's groomed into running drugs before and after school, and it's the dealers buying him the stuff, as bribes to do their work. Pop and sweets it's believable to friends might buy it for him, or he's stealing it.....but CLOTHES are a bit of a stretch. Might be me just being a Drama Queen but keep your eyes out for country lines.

hoarahloux · 04/03/2024 17:44

I thought county lines too. Teens having unexplainable extra money is one of the signs.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 04/03/2024 17:46

Or it could just be shoplifting. We can't sell energy drinks (Red Bull and the like) to under sixteens, so he's either getting that from an older friend or he's lifting it. Be careful though, OP, in our shop we are well aware of the 'shoplifting boys' and they are only a whisker away from the police waiting for them when they next come in...

TheFormidableMrsC · 04/03/2024 17:48

County Lines. Is he drug running?

Lunabetty · 04/03/2024 17:59

My first thought was county lines

MotherofChaosandDestruction · 04/03/2024 18:02

I immediately thought of county lines. My friend DC who lives in a very wealthy area and supposedly a great school got groomed into one of these gangs. All of the same stuff you're describing. Luckily he got out before it was too late but it's insidious.

CharSiu · 04/03/2024 18:26

It’s shoplifting or county lines and don’t think because he is from a caring family he couldn’t get mixed up in it.

Where is his Father ? You need a united front. I would be grounding him till I got to the bottom of it.

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