To not want to do this on Mother's day

[Harps2]

So MIL is coming back from abroad this weekend and she has booked a meal for us all to go on Sunday. DH and I haven't been getting on recently and she is fully aware of it, that isn't my issue I just don't want to go, my kids are going I think. Am I being a bitch? I would rather go out for tea with my mum.

Can you invite Ur mum along so it's the 4 of you.

YANBU

Even if it does make you a bitch, who cares

It’s Mother’s Day, be a bitch if you want - enjoy your meal with your mum and forget the rest!

💐

YANBU. You can put your foot down and say dc are coming with you, unless they’re old enough to say they want to go to MIL. Message MIL now saying you already have plans to take your Mum to tea with the dc, but that DH is free.

Also, do not organise MIL’s card or present, leave it all to DH. Who usually does it?

My mum isnt a fan of MIL, Im not to be honest. Its just annoying that this meal has been booked and I am expected to go just because she is back and no questions if I had other plans.

I understand. Hang out with Ur mum.

I'd say to MIL I already had plans with my own mother and to check before booking next time.

I am happy for DC to go with them, not like she will make an effort to see them in the short time she is back anyway!

It sounds like a kind gesture: you haven’t told her you have other plans, she knows you and DH haven’t been getting on so may suspect that he won’t arrange anything for you, and thought dinner out might be nice. Just thank her and tell her that you already have plans with your mum already.

It isn't her that told me about it, it was DH, so not even sure if I am invited haha!

It isn't her that told me about it, it was DH, so not even sure if I am invited haha! so just tell your dh that you have plans to spend the day with your dc and your mum?

I think she will be expecting DC to be there to see her as she hasn't seen them for 3 months

It would be utter madness do prioritise a Mil you’re not a fan of over your mum. Please don’t.

Let dh take the kids and spend quality time with the gran. There’s no need for you to be there! Go and have fun with your mum.

I would definitely let your kids see their gran if she is coming from overseas as presumably they don’t see her that often.

I treasure the memories of every Mothers Day with my mum, sadly she passed away, but I’d regret a day spent with someone else’s mum! You can earmark a different weekend to spend wit your kids

Have a lovely time with your mum.

Ask your dc if they would rather go to lunch with their grandparent or spend the time with you, their mother, on Mother's day.

This is the kind of shit my MIL used to pull (until I put a stop to it): I'm coming back, it's Mother's Day, I'm the most important and possibly only mother, I insist my son spend it with me, and seeing as I'm only here a few days it would be very convenient for me to see my grandkids at the same time. Kill two birds with one stone.

In my MIL's case, she was fully aware I too am a mother and would want to spend the day with my DC, but would just say "but you ARE together! And I'll be paying for lunch so everyone is being treated!". Wicked woman.

Do what you want to do. If she wants her child with her, let her have him. If you want to be with your mum, be with her. If you want your kids with you, on Mother's Day of all days, insist on it. If you're fine with them going to see her, let them go. The day I resolved not to let MIL or SIL dictate how I or my kids spend our time was a GREAT day.

I dont even know why I give a shit, she literally has no impact on DC or my life, obviously DH thinks she is the bollocks. I never really get time to myself so a nice quiet meal with my mum will be good :)