To respond this way when my daughter asked "How do I get a job?"

[Mastmw7g]

My husband and I have spent a lot of time and energy explaining the job search process to my daughter when she's asked this question in the past, so this time I just sent a link to a website that laid out the steps to finding jobs. But I feel guilty, like I should have infinite patience and be supportive. She's 20 and is earning but we got her the job she's at. She's never had to look for a job and says she's scared.

So she has a diagnosed anxiety disorder. What treatments has she tried and what strategies has she developed to manage her condition because it doesn’t sound as if she has any? This is what she needs so she can manage ‘life’ tasks (like getting a job) herself rather than her parents doing it for her. You aren’t going to be around to coddle her all her life so she needs to start learning some independence and you need to push her to do that, even if it’s uncomfortable for her.

I still ask my dad for help when applying for jobs and I’m nearly 30. I left my career job to start again, my anxiety was through the roof and I didn’t even know where to start. I didn’t know what I was qualified for or what half the jargon meant in the adverts. My dad is high up in his field and interviews candidates so it made sense to him. He proofread my cv and applications and offered advice.

Your DD is only 20 and has diagnosed anxiety. I don’t think it’s unreasonable for her to still need help with applying for jobs. That’s not to say you should be doing it all for her but supporting her along the way. If she found it overwhelming looking at jobs, break it down. 20 minutes having a look and saving any of interest. Next day work on CV and apply for some.

Give her a hand, I helped DS1 get his first couple of jobs and now he’s fine, DS2 never needed any help and he’s bagged himself a good summer job at the palace last year and then a good internship this summer. He’s very driven, DS1 is not

She needs to grow up some time, maybe role play the interview as much as you possibly can

Do you have an idea of why she's miserable in her current role? Did she do A-Levels or another FE qualification?
Some women are diagnosed with MH conditions like an anxiety disorder when they are actually neurodivergent. I'm pretty sure my eldest DC would have been in this category if I hadn't had another child who was/is much more obviously autistic.
Either way it might help to try to understand what she's finding difficult about the current job to help her with what would suit her better. E.g. working with people or alone, what's the environment like, do the hours suit her, is it a fixed routine or varied, are there any sensory issues, would she like to get more qualifications first in an area that interests her.

Unbeaten yup I'm thinking I still get anxious about what I'm doing with my life /applying for jobs/wanting direction and I'm much older. And anxious. And likely neurodivergent!

In school the goal is always the next year or the next set of exams. It can be quite overwhelming to have left and not be sure what's next.

She sounds anxious and overwhelmed. You stay you've only just started trying to understand her feelings.... It sounds like she might have had a difficult time growing up?

Did she get a levels? What does she want to do?

What were you hoping would happen next?

Why is she unhappy with her present job? Is it to do with the job itself or is it just the fact of having to work that makes her miserable? The first encounter with the world of work can be bruising because suddenly you are accountable to people whose primary concern is not your happiness or welfare.

It’s learned helplessness. You found her a job in the past, she wants you to do it again without her having to do the leg work. Explain to her that yes, looking for a job is stressful but it’s her own responsibility. There’s a wealth of information out there. You’ve done the right thing.

A lot of the things you say that your daughter struggles with ring very true to me.
I was diagnosed with adhd last year aged 36.

I would have a look at this treatment route for young adults (it's actually more of a strategy for parents of those young adults) who have anxiety and related life issues.

https://theocdandanxietycenter.com/failure-to-launch-treatment/

Sorry, that should be a direct link to this

https://chadd.org/attention-article/failure-to-launch-treating-it-as-a-process-not-a-failure/

just get her to look and apply I don't know how you managed to get her a job I'm assuming it's someone you know? anyway just get her to look and apply. I get she has anxiety but you can tell her to stop harping on at you.

The vast majority of young people get their first jobs via family or family friends.

Having to do an interview or walk into a shop asking for a job is daunting to anyone.

I'd try to link your dd in with a free careers advisor so she can get help with interview skills and help identifying a pathway to whatever job she'd like to do one day.

I'd encourage her to go for interview coaching.

I don't think the vast majority do maybe the people you know employ friends kids or whatever but most you people just look online at indeed or wherever these days.

What help is she getting for her anxiety? Medication, therapy?

You sound like a great mum- it’s a funny time of life, half fledged and then your dd has the anxiety too.
These people are great- I advise colleagues to look into the service and have heard nothing but great things about them- they’ll ’triage’ her swiftly and then offer 9 month’s support.
Able Futures 9 months coaching and MH support

^its free!

@Lavender14 really?!?!?

I'm really curious about your friends and family and example of jobs... Do you know people from all career sectors? Don't you need to interview to get jobs?

(and blatantly my kids will be screwed despite being bright then.)

I would assume that she's not that motivated to leave her current job and is just venting.

I think you're being too hard on her. Mobody is saying infinite support but an anxious 20 year old who you got her job for is understandably needs more handhold than those chucked into fending for themselves with job interviews as teens. Try to be more gentle and patient.

You say she already has a job, which she hates, and is anxious.

Maybe rather than the absolute basics, like a CV template and Indeed, she is indirectly asking for a bit of reassurance/confidence boosting that she isn't trapped at her job, and will be able to get another one?

You could look at some of the stuff on Indeed with her and tell her which skills/qualities she has that will be good for jobs XYZ, offer to roleplay an interview with her and (if needed) offer to take her to get some interview clothes - even if it's just Primark/charity shop stuff, or look through the clothes she already has and put an outfit together.

Well, that's life, isn't it!
Jobs aren't there to make us happy!

Well in my time nobody asked us how we feel, of course some had anxiety and some were scared of all sorts, but we had no choice rather just to get on with it.
She is an adult.

Do some people not like their kids? If a friend was anxious and asked you for help, would you make it clear they were "harping on" at you? WTAF, it's your DD she's 20! Just help her. My DD has a severe anxiety disorder and is housebound, I have to do everything with her, thats my job to take care of her as long as she needs it and help her to find her way.