to ask for your advice with worsening anxiety?

[pippincore]

Namechanged as a bit outing. Aware I could/should post in mental health - but was hoping for a range of advice and opinions...

I've always been anxious - fair amount of trauma in my past which obviously doesn't help. But over the past year or two my anxiety has increased to the point I feel anxious ALL the time and have been waking up every night with a pounding heart and the sense that someone is sitting on my chest. 😔

Part of this is circumstantial - we have had a stressful few years. Money worries, a child with health issues, a real uncertainty when it comes to the future in terms of financial stability. That said, I try to keep perspective and I know in many ways we have it easy - no terminal illness or living in a war zone etc.

I feel totally overwhelmed by it and would love any tips and advice from anyone who has experienced similar. I have had therapy in the past but can't really afford it right now. I would like to try to improve my mental state without meds but I wouldn't rule it out. Late 40s so definitely peri, and I know that doesn't help - but I am on HRT already, so...

Sorry this is so long. I am really struggling.

I am interested in this too

I’ve had debilitating panic attacks for on off 6 months since my baby was born last month was the final straw I had them daily! So I got put on beata blockers propanol I think it’s called they are instant relief pretty much kick in, in a hour I’ve only been on them nearly a week and the difference is incredible xxxx

Hi OP - I have had terrible anxiety all my life but in recent years with medication and exercise- this has reduced hugely. I have had therapy as well which definitely helps but on a day to day basis - medication and exercise are the two big things I would highly recommend.

the reality is if you have never experienced chronic anxiety you can never really understand how awful it truly is

At a certain level you might need medication but there are lots of lifestyle changes you can make that might help. Off the top of my head:

• reduce caffiene intake
• don't drink alcohol
• exercise... Even a long walk
• Cognitive behavioural therapy
• Yoga and meditation
• Breath work

I’ve no advice but offering you solidarity, I have been anxious for the last 4 years but this year it has taken a nose dive. I’m off work, chest pains every day (so naturally my anxiety assumes heart issues!) and just started some anti-depressants. I’m only 4 days in so no help yet but I really hope they work or else I don’t know what to do.

Have you tried all the usual? Better diet, exercise, meditation? I’ve been trying all of these and they do help a little. I’ve also booked to see a therapist on Friday, have you had any counselling? I did CBT counselling a while ago and it did help a little.

I'm so sorry you've had such a stressful time @pippincore .

Things that helped my DH cope with his anxiety and panic attacks were -

Seeing the doctor and taking medication. He resisted at first, but when he started taking medication there was a real improvement. He took medication for about 12 months and then weaned off. He regretted not starting it earlier. It's not the only answer but it enabled him to get on an even keel so he could sleep and work on the things below.

Meditation using on line guides
Spending time every day doing things he loves - gardening, swimming, walking the dog in his case
Things outside in the fresh air were especially helpful
Talking about his worries with family and friends
Group and individual therapy
Taking a break from reading the news
Eating well, cutting alcohol and coffee

A big hug to you. It's horrible. I hope things get easier for you soon.

Have you tried ashwagandha? My daughter takes it and it works like magic.You need the variety marked ksm66, is only available online.
Numerous small scale clinical studies have shown it to be very effective at reducing stress and anxiety

Anxiety is the emotion that tells us when things are too important to ignore - anything from turning off the iron to making sure you don't go overdrawn - so it is there for a purpose.

When you live, as you've done, with anxiety-inducing circumstances for an extended time, your levels of anxiety remain on high alert rather than fluctuating in line with what's actually happening day to day; you start to become anxious about being anxious. That then sets off the fight or flight response in your sympathetic nervous system and those physical feelings reinforce the belief in your mind that there's something really wrong.

All the things mentioned by @Kofifi will definitely help. Also use this analogy;

Imagine each of your worries is a small child. They don't know what's happening, they can't change anything in the real world and they can't predict the future but, like all children, they can make up lurid and drama laden horror stories about what might happen. They all want your attention at the same time and will scream when you deal with a problem that's not theirs.

You on the other hand are the teacher - you can solve problems, you have the experience to cope with difficulties and you have the resources to get help when you need it plus, crucially, you can put everything into perspective. It's your role to calm the children, reassure them that nothing bad is going to happen because you are in control and you will listen to them once they stop shouting and talk normally.

HTH.

Thank you so much all of you. Your kind responses made me cry a bit - that's another manifestation of this anxiety it seems, I often feel on the verge of tears all the time.

I am trying to up my fresh air and exercise - I struggle a little bit with winter and cold temperatures, and I work mainly from home so it's often quite easy to hide in the house when I feel like this, but I am making a concerted effort to get out in the brightness more. Ditto yoga - I actually used to do a lot of this, but I've really let it slide over the past year or so and need to get it back up.

I think my diet is pretty good so that's one thing at least. I don't drink tons of caffeine but do have a couple of coffees each day, so I will try to cut it down. Historically I have definitely been known to drink too much booze 😂and find it difficult not to be excessive once I start - but my 'hanganxiety' hangovers are now off the scale, so I try to be moderate. I did do dry Jan and felt a little better, but not amazingly so...

Those who (or whose partners) have taken medication - which ones worked? I think propanol might work for me better than SRIs from what I've heard but I don't know. Also, a vain question - was weight gain a side effect? I am already a few pounds over where I'd like to be so that is something I worry about a little...

@Eyesopenwideawake - thank you. I have heard of that technique and I do try, but it's difficult because my main worries are rooted in reality. For example, eldest DD has a health condition which is manageable but does potentially life-threatening. I try to tell myself calmly that the chances of the worst happening are so unlikely and rare - but it's difficult to talk myself down from that.

Equally, our financial situation is a little precarious in terms of the future. It's likely we will have to sell our family house and downsize within the next ten years - it's not the end of the world and I tell myself we are not going to a food bank, but I love our home and don't want to leave. 😔

I know we never know what is around the corner. I have a friend with cancer, another one with a terminally ill partner - and my mum died very suddenly when I was a teenager...so I do tell myself to stop worrying and just live for today. But it doesn't seem to be working...

I cut everything switched to decaf my beloved Chardonnay etc and it made no difference at all! I wasn’t enjoying like at all! Just living off lettuce practising breathing technique’s going over in my mind how I’ve never fainted or died etc trying to take a very logical approach!

Now I enjoy my coffee I enjoy my wine however if I’m going to have a glass or two I don’t take my afternoon dose it wares off in 4 hours much like a paracetamol so my trigger was always the morning panick attacks would consume me literally hell trying to get small children and a baby out the door for school and nursery feeling like I was going to faint constantly was draining soooo draining so I’m getting on really well just taking my morning dose tbh! Xxxx

@pippincore don't get me wrong, I didn't mean to suggest your worries were anything other than real - what I meant was to reinforce the truth that whatever happens you will have the resources to cope with it at that time.

Increased anxiety could definitely be related to the menopause - have you talked to your GP about different types of HRT to see if that might help?

SIL suffers badly from anxiety, and seeing a different GP opened up a range of different treatments - was prescribed beta blockers which have certainly helped her manage much better.

There are techniques you can learn to help yourself with anxiety.

Self help for your nerves by Dr Claire Weekes is the classic, which is still available free to read online. More recently Paul McKenna, who is good on simple but effective techniques, easy to learn and put into practice.

Activity is better than inaction, which feeds anxiety. Exercise, such as walking or running which costs little except the shoes and socks. Being out and about in the open air and looking around changes mood and perspective. Problem solving, actively thinking about how to attack problems is another element of activity.

Financial worries are a constant gnawing anxiety and there isn't always an easy or indeed any available solution but sometimes spurs creative ideas or a new approach. Talking it over with others also can do this. For making ends meet and keeping the wolf from the door, getting a lodger is one of the classic ones for anyone who has a house. Making and selling craft or practical things or offering services locally such as odd jobs or baby sitting is another. Planning ahead. Doing a budget and getting debt or money management advice from Citizens' Advice or other. Changing jobs to better paid ones or going for promotion at work. Reading up on money saving tips, reducing costs of mortgages, changing banks to get money for switching - up to £200 - see money saving expert online or similar that show best buys on anything from broadband to energy to mortgages or info about state benefits, offer vouchers or cashback schemes and so on.

I don't know if this is universal advice but it's something which helps me.

When I feel unsure of something (like medication) I find it helpful to go on a bit of an information binge looking at what the current research says, how the medication works, what they tend to find about effectiveness compared with other treatments (or combined with) etc. Understanding something helps me see if it seems worth trying or not.

I think there is a stigma with a lot of psychiatric medications, an idea that they just treat the symptoms and not the underlying cause. That may be true in some situations e.g. when trauma is contributing to the feelings. But in some cases there literally is some kind of hormone or neurotransmitter imbalance - and sometimes that has a cause e.g. dietary, or stress, or not enough time outside or lack of social connection etc - but sometimes it doesn't seem to have a cause or can even have a biological cause.

You might want to look at the leaflet in your HRT to see whether it has increased anxiety as a side effect too, if so it might be worth looking to adjust this. With hormonal type treatments, side effects sometimes come on once the level has built up in the body rather than straight away (or it can be opposite, side effects can be worse until you adjust to a new medication).

You can self-refer for online CBT self-help I think under NHS in most areas, this is worth looking at, since it's free.

I have propranolol but dont take it regularly. Perhaps i should

Going to gym first thing so 6.30am and then home to get kids to school is transformative for my anxiety - can your DP manage mornings so you can do this or are they a shift worker etc?

For me it helped to understand the biology behind the feelings, which is basically your body making a whole lot of adrenalin in response to the percieved threat (your life stresses) and preparing you for fight or flight. Obviously in bed at night you're not going to be fighting or fleeing, so all that fuel has nowhere to go. For me the answer was to work it off. So rather than try and relax immediately (never worked!) I'd get up and lift some weights, skip with DCs rope, even go a brisk walk if safe and practical. Wear myself out physically and then use relaxation afterwards.

My DH took Citalopram. He had no side effects and didn't put on weight.

Thank you so much again everyone. By slightly awful coincidence, a very crappy thing happened related to my own work today just after my earlier posts, which only adds to anxiety surrounding finances.

It doesn't rain, but it pours...

There is masses of great advice on here and I will take it all on board xx

I developed very bad anxiety when I was going through peri, it was also tied to some very difficult life circumstances,

HRT helps.

What has also helped for me is:

Planning. I'm not working at the moment due to severe disability. I worry about money. But I have got plan A and plan B and plan C. I'm trying tutoring and if it doesn't work out I can try getting a lodger etc. I remind myself that I have plans and that if things get difficult I can sort it.

Honestly the meds did help as well.