Would you say anything?

[Imma56]

Ex been with his now wife for 6 years, we share two DC together who are 8 and 10.

Youngest having some issues recently so I went round to their house (he moved into her house, I believe its owned by her, when they met). This is the first time I've been invited in.

I noticed whilst I was there that there was not a single picture on the wall, bar one in the kitchen, of our DC and lots and lots of their shared little one, them together, them with ex, them with their mum (his wife) etc..

DC have made comments to me before about how it's all about their DC for their step mum, although I appreciate this is on ex as well.

Would I be unreasonable to say something about this? If you went in you'd honestly have no idea our DC were even members of the family.

butt out

you seem to have a good relationship with them so why rock the boat

focus on what’s important. Your child is having issues

i

I think it’s fine to tell ex your concerns about how much HE includes dc in his life.

Tell him that the kids feel pushed out by HIM.

But don’t make this into HER putting up pictures of your dc because that’s not her job, that’s your ex’s job.

DC have made comments to me before about how it's all about their DC for their step mum, although I appreciate this is on ex as well.

No, this is all on ex. Why do you think it’s on her?

Next Christmas or birthday have the kids give him a framed picture of themselves?

Well buy him a father day gift of a framed picture of the kids.

I had this but with grandparents and favored grandchild. Kids notice. It upsets them.

You're lucky you were invited in to be honest. If you start making comments like that about their house then you won't be welcome again.

Sorry I'm not referring to the pictures with this comment, I'm aware that my ex is perfectly capable of putting those up.

I'm saying the comments DC have made have been about their step mum not really caring about them now she has her little one. I'm just saying what they have said to me. They did used to have a good relationship that seems to have dwindled quite a bit.

It's a tricky one. Because your concerns about your dc's feelings are valid. But also you don't really have a say on how your ex decorates his house.

If you raise it I would do it in a non-accusatory way and say it's something that may make your dc feel more included and secure.

I wouldn’t say anything - just make sure you have lots of photos of your kids at your home .

I think we need examples here.

Does your ex not take care of his dc?

Why are you expecting a woman who is not their mum to care for your dc above and beyond their own father?

How old is their new child? Understandably her behaviour and priorities will change when she has a new little one.

ex needs to step up not her

OP

you seem to has a productive co parenting relationship if you went around there to discuss issues with your youngest
why rock the boat

and focus on what’s important. Your child having issues

I'm not expecting her to do anything at all. I was simply saying what DC have said.

Ex is a good dad generally but he can be a bit clumsy with things like this and I can imagine him not really getting why this sort of thing may be upsetting.

DC are there 3 nights a week.

Yes you said that already

but you’re not going to

instead focus on the photos

ok great 🤷‍♀️

So is it the photos that piss you off?

or the fact that your child the comments DC have made have been about their step mum not really caring about them now she has her little on which goes a hell of a lot deeper than just photos

It’s totally understandable that you want your dc to be treated equally there.

And I think you should speak to ex and ask him mind that all dc are treated equally. Just don’t frame it as step-mum needs to do more.

Because it’s likely ex is clumsy at home as well. And his new partner may be fed up of doing the bulk of things at home, including for his kids.

When you say 'not really caring' OP, what examples have they given? Just thinking that younger children naturally take up more time and attention, so your kids may have taken the fact that she's not around as much, is focusing on the youngest, needs to drop what she's doing with them to attend to the youngest - all stuff that's normal when a new sibling joins - as not caring. Which is normal, cos kids this age can't really comprehend the shift that happens when a younger one is in the home.

Well not I’d not be doing that.