DS 2 only wants to sleep on me

[elliefan]

We co sleep some of the time - so of course that doesn't help. Some of the time he sleeps alone but I stay with him until he falls asleep. Even if I leave him alone part of the night, when he wakes up, he comes to find me for more snuggles.

He's constantly crowding me.

He has to have his head on my chest, otherwise he won't fall asleep and when I try to move him he often wakes up and cries.

He's been poorly lately, which is usually when I properly co sleep with him.

Anyway he's so attached to sleeping on me, it's really challenging for me to sleep.

He's in a doubled bed. Has refused his cot snide he was 1. He'd cry until he was sick until we took him out

Sounds like it’s time for sleep training

Your only options are to accept it or sleep train.

I couldn't handle this at 2 years old.

He turns two in a couple of months. But I hear you.

If he’s never slept in his cot have you had him checked by cranio? Or osteopath? Could be muscular tension etc which means laying flat is uncomfortable.

if your child is ill or in a regression sleep training isn’t supposed to be started then as there is a current need from your child that won’t be let by leaving them.

has anything changed during the day to make it worse recently? It sounds really hard and like your DC needs a lot of extra comfort currently.

can you split this with a partner and carve out some free nap time?

Sleep train him OP. This cranial osteopath stuff is nonsense. Sleep training doesn't mean leaving him to cry.

Get him in his own bed and comfort him with cuddles and a calm bedtime routine, bedtime story and a soft light and all that stuff. Place in cot. Say goodnight and leave. Come back if crying and lift out once for a big cuddle. Back in the cot. Leave. If crying come back and soothe but don't take him out of the cot. No big conversations, just "bedtime darling" then after that nothing more than "shh shh".

Repeat, repeat, repeat. He can see that you're not abandoning him. You're only in another room and you return to him.

He will tire and sleep eventually but brace yourself for it being hard for a few days to a week. It might have been easier to do this earlier but commit to it now and it will be worth it. He'll be fine.

@Spudthespanner - I’ve always wondered with this approach what if your mere presence doesn’t comfort them, i.e. only picking them up stops them crying? I would like to try something along these lines with DD but she doesn’t calm down until picked up!

@Ohmy88

Unfortunately that's the way it is. That's the point of sleep training.

They want to be held. In a baby that's fine. Hold them. Meet their needs and their wants. But for a toddler, you need to start meeting their needs and managing their wants.

Now I'm not saying don't co-sleep. Some people love it right up until their children are at school. That's fine. But, similar to breastfeeding, it's only of benefit to the child of it's working for everyone. At some point mothers say, "nope. I can't do this anymore." And they have to wean for their sanity's sake. A toddler may cry for the comfort of the boob but it is no longer a need. It's now a want.

Wean and sleep train when the current set up isn't working for either mother or child anymore. It means you can be the best mum for your child- touched out and exhausted is only going to lead to burnout. Do it in the kindest way you can, but it won't be pain free otherwise OP wouldn't be in this situation at all.

Unfortunately you have to show the child that you are there, you leave but you come back, everything is ok, but they will cry. Stay calm and soothing but it will be bloody hard. It's not fun having them upset and crying but you have to get through it. They wake up the next day like none of it ever happened- it's harder on us than them.

My youngest is still the same at 3 and a half. She has to sleep with her head on dh at night or holding onto my arm (she’s co slept from birth like my older ones did). She had all naps on me until she was 18 months but would then sleep on the sofa next to me. My older two co slept but were happy to just lay in the middle, they didn’t need so much contact.

But we don’t mind it at all.

You do, so you need to change it. I haven’t been in your position with my 3, good luck with whatever you do! It’s always hard to make a change for them.