My kids often refuse to come out of the house when ex comes to collect them after school on Fridays. Its a very stressful situation. It’s a new routine for the kids to see dad who’s come to live in uk and wants to be involved. The judge said in the court room collection from school to have school gate time. I said it was a bad idea and would rather have done family mediation before and talked things like this with the kids and ex because the older two are teenagers and they don’t want to be collected from school. I was angry at not being listened to but the I thought I won’t have to deal with ex at all on his weekends so that’s not a bad thing for me.
the older ones refuse to be picked up in public by him and come home instead. When ex comes with everything ready to go they often won’t leave because they don’t really want to go and it’s stressful encouraging them out and can take 40 minutes. The kids won’t reply to his messages so they don’t expect him there’s no routine for them. He drops off the youngest with a relative and drives back for the other two. Once the kids go, they have an okay/ good time. They’re safe there etc so no safeguarding concerns. The kids say they don’t want to go but ex doesn’t believe me when I tell him - I’ve encouraged kids to tell people in school too rather than just me. I do my bit to get them out of the house it feels terrible when they don’t want to go and I have to say you need a relationship with dad it’s what the judge said etc. Ex says I don’t help enough he asked that I drop them off but I refused as he asked for the court order and if I change that he’ll expect me to bend other things and I just want to follow it. Ex says I’m being difficult for not dropping them at his (I think he is difficult for not doing mediation in the first place). The judge said he collects after school. I don’t want him coming to my door at all really I don’t go to his - I’ve said the kids will come out to you, go wait in the car. He doesn’t and this puts pressure on everyone to get out of the house and it’s not nice for me in my new fresh start house to have this stress of him peering through the door. I always wait at the top of the private road from my ex’s house if I ever collect and I like to keep a respectful boundary. He doesn’t respect mine at all.
next time it’s his collection, I’ve told ex i’m taking the keys off the kids so they can’t come in they don’t really need a weekend bag as they have things at his they can take a few extra items to school so they don’t need to come home. I am delaying coming home on Fridays after work so I won’t be there after school for a while. I’ll leave ex to sort a new neutral collection point with the kids. Is this unreasonable? I don’t want to be involved in this stress any more. I hate to be this unkind to the kids but if I don’t send the kids - he will take me back to court. I’ll tell them again to speak with school for support if they’re unhappy.