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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To let this friendship slide

6 replies

single50 · 03/03/2024 22:20

I separated from my husband a year ago. We have two kids who live equal amount of time with each of us. Some years ago, we became good friends with the parents of our son’s best friend. (Let’s call them Cath and Dan). While my ex and I were still together it was Cath and I who had the strongest friendship. But since we split, Dan and my ex have become very good friends and spend a lot of time together in evenings and weekends. I know this because my son will often mention that they are invited round for dinner together and sometimes when I drop him off my ex is there. I have not been invited to Cath and Dan's since my ex and I split up, and they haven't taken up any invites to come to mine. I was initially a bit hurt by this clear preference for my ex, but understand that is the way things go sometimes when relationships end. However Cath is trying to keep the friendship going, but by making suggestions to meet for coffee during the working day. I work full time, so this is really difficult for me. I can see that weekends and evenings are hard for her as she prioritise what her husband wants at this time, but I do feel that if she is unable to prioritise seeing me one weekend or evening every few months that I’d prefer to let the friendship slide gracefully away rather than put myself out trying to take time off work to see someone who won’t put herself out to see me at a time that works for me. AIBU?

OP posts:
TheSlantedOwl · 03/03/2024 22:23

That’s tough. Just keep declining her suggested midweek meet ups and maybe say that midweek will never be a good time for you, that if she wants to suggest a weekend meet that’s great but otherwise it’s not going to work for you.

Cheville · 03/03/2024 22:24

It seems fairly clear that Dan doesn’t want to see you, but Cathy does, hence they haven’t invited you to their since the split, and not taken up your invitations. Cathy, however, is trying to see you separately. Have you specifically suggested meeting her solo for a Saturday morning coffee? I mean, it may be that she’s embarrassed by the situation and it becoming obvious Dan no longer wants to see you.

BendingSpoons · 03/03/2024 22:25

I would give a blanket response that work demands mean you can't do mid-week and she should let you know if she has an evening free. If she can't do that, then let the friendship slide.

maz210 · 03/03/2024 22:43

As previous posters have said, just reply that you're working in the week but to let you know if she's free one evening/weekend to meet. How close would you say you were, do you think this is a friendship that might continue?

Untethered · 03/03/2024 22:57

YANBU. It’s not your job to prioritise coffee meet ups with her over your job.

She might be trying to keep you sweet for childcare favours or salve her conscience for choosing your ex over you.

I agree with Slanted, tell her weekdays don’t work for you due to work and don’t go above and beyond for her.

single50 · 04/03/2024 09:31

Thanks everyone this helps a lot. Yes, I have already explained I can't meet during the week, but she keeps suggesting it on weekdays. We were close in a "sons are friends" kind of way and I really like her but TBH we probably don't have a huge amount in common, so I think I will just let things slide. Realizing as I read your responses that I'm not actually the one letting it slide anyway....

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