Online dating

[datingmatters]

I didn't know where to write this.

I've been in a relationship and married for 10 years. I have a child. In my late 30's.
My ex and I separated 7 months ago.

I have a friend who left her husband at the same time and she is now in a new relationship.

She's said for me to get on dating sites just to get out there again and go on a few dates, have fun etc.

I feel like I just can't do it.
My last relationship was abusive.
I feel like although I'd like to have a lovely partner to share nice things experiences with, another part of me feels like I need to be single forever.

I don't know if I'll ever meet someone again. Or at least someone who is good, kind, caring. I have a child which I know might change things in terms of meeting someone.

Can you please give me any advice, words of wisdom, anything.

My advice is don't do it because you don't sound ready.

When you are, you'll know.

Besides, there's nothing wrong with old fashioned real life dating, it doesn't have to be online.

@WhateverMate
Where on Earth do people meet these days? I work from home. I literally go to and from nursery. Work from home. Walk the dog. And go to Tesco...!

It’s very, very early days yet. I wouldn’t take any notice of what your friend says - how long to feel ready to start dating again is a very personal thing. I presume her previous relationship wasn’t abusive?

I wouldn’t do online dating at the moment as agree with PP that you don’t sound ready. I’d concentrate on taking care of yourself and building yourself back up. Give yourself treats, whatever you can manage in terms of time/ money. Try to practice being your own best friend. See people as and when you feel ready, not looking to date specifically, just to make links and perhaps, make friends. This will all stand you in good stead when someone comes along.

All the best to you, you’ve obviously had a really rough time.

@Keepingongoing
Thank you. Yes it's been awful. The thought of being with someone now makes me feel suffocated. I don't think I could ever live with someone again or get married.
I can't really imagine dating.
And now I have a child, I'm so wary of who comes into her life.
I think I need time to build up trust in myself really.

I’m sorry it’s been awful. Taking time to build trust in yourself sounds very sensible.

I wonder if your friend has a bit of an agenda tbh. 7 months between leaving a marriage and getting into a new relationship is pretty fast. Maybe at some level she knows that, and wants you to be dating as well to make herself feel better about what she’s doing.

You’re absolutely right to go at the pace that’s right for you.

I know I posted this days ago, but does anyone have experience of dating when you are divorced with a child? It will be some time off before I do. But it will obviously be different for me going forward. Very different to how dating used to be anyway!