Best friends birthday

[twiddlingthumbs69]

My best friend (known each other 40 years very close, more like sisters) had a big birthday last week.
They went out for lunch as a family to celebrate.
Just seen the photos and she'd invited several of the neighbours as well.
I didn't receive an invite.
At Xmas I had an experience booked and for various reasons, the person I was going with couldn't go so I took my friend. It was expensive. Obvs I didn't ask her to pay.
I just feel a little bit put out and upset that I wasn't invited to her day but random neighbours were. Aibu?

And it add insult to injury I bought her an expensive piece of jewellery. Wish I hadn't know!

Maybe as it was her birthday, she was disappointed you hadn't offered to do something with her?

How far away from her do you live? Was she trying to just keep it casual rather than asking friends to travel?

While I understand why you have posted generally , I find it odd you refer to you taking her along to something expensive when someone else dropped out. You inviting her as a substitute to something doesn’t make her owe you subsequent invitations to her celebrations irrespective of the cost you paid out.

Maybe her neighbours took her pit for her birthday?

@Duh we live 20 mins apart. I wasn't expecting anything in return from her I just feel a bit left out that I wasn't invited.
If it was just a family gathering, fair enough but it wasn't. Just a bit hurt really

@Maddy70 "pit" ?

Out ...typo

40+ friendship - why not ask her? Tell her you were hurt when you saw the photos?

YANBU. Take a massive step back, curb your generosity to her. Don’t take her on any more freebies. Make sure she pays in advance for any future activities.

Were the neighbours hers or her parents?

@Maddy70 she paid for them. That surprised me a bit as she never pays for so much as a coffee when we go out. I always end up paying

@Scarletttulips I've thought about doing that but think it will cause a rift between us. It's done now so I can't see the point in me making an issue of it, although I certainly like to voice my opinion

@Untethered the neighbours were hers

@Scarletttulips sorry, certainly would like to voice my opinion

How do you know she paid for the neighbours?

I'd suggest that you aren't HER best friend, she doesn't see YOU as a 'sister' and she isn't a good friend anyway if she never even pays for a coffee

Now that you know the above, you can review your relationship with her

How could you possibly know who paid for lunch?

And why have you not questioned why, in this 40 year friendship, you have always been the one to pay? 🤷‍♀️

How could you possibly know who paid for lunch?
Because she told me!
@Picklestop

It would be valid to ask why she didn't invite you. Is this the first time something like this has happened in 40 years?

I'd stop paying for everything, are you richer than her? How did that dynamic start?

This reads like she expects you to pay but doesn't include you in her important events so therefore she's not a good friend

@Autienotnautie thinking back it's not the first time. We both used to go out for a meal together sometimes. That's stopped but she still goes out with her neighbours.
The me paying for everything comes about by her hanging back/suddenly needing to pop to the loo when it comes time to pay. I've tried saying, we'll pay for our own but that doesn't really work either. She has considerably more money than me, perhaps that's why!

Wow at your latest update.

Raise your bar OP, what an ungrateful leech she is.

How could someone like this be your best friend?

Definitely raise your bar

Yea ditch this so called friend. I think she saw you as a soft touch. Im not surprised your upset.
I hope she isnt the only friend you have. If she is then try to find new ones.
I really dislike C Fs and your " Friend " is a big solid gold one.

Feeling a bit the same OP . Long term friend who now lives away . Our children grew up together and she was invited to my daughter’s wedding . They have been to all my and my children’s significant birthday celebrations. Her daughter who lives near me has a special birthday this week and I was going to drop a present off. Just found out friend is coming over as her daughter is having a party but I haven’t been invited . A little bit disappointed really.

I was going to suggest not taking this too personally and suggesting a birthday lunch just for the two of you, but your updates gave me second thoughts - she sounds like a user. It sounds as though she's not bothered about your company unless you're paying! I imagine that there are more worthwhile aspects to your 40 year friendship, but I think you'd be right to reduce your expectations of her and perhaps not think of her as your "best friend."

When she told you she took these friends out and she paid for them, you go ‘aw no, I’d have loved to come out and celebrate with you guys!’

When she stalls and goes to the loo at time to pay for coffees, you tell the staff member with the card machine ‘we’re splitting it so it’s just my cappuccino please’.