AIBU to stay with DH?

[HolyGuacamole28]

I’m in a real dilemma. I love my H, I’ll start with that. BUT. we’ve had a tough few years. We live on the south coast, large mortgage, two kids in nursery, both work full time. I never thought I’d be the breadwinner of the family. I earn ok money but not ground breaking mumsnet sums. DH is self employed but has earned very little since Covid really. He won’t look for another job. He won’t discuss anything. Everything is going up and I’m shouldering more than two thirds of the mortgage and bills as it is and I’ll have to pay the difference because he really doesn’t have it. I think I’d be better off as a single parent but don’t want to manage everything on my own. It’s so freaking hard. What should I do? Maybe counselling? I don’t think he’ll ever step up. He has no sense of embarrassment of being carried financially. I’m so very torn.

I think you need to leave too. He’ll just drag you down and down.

Your husband is basically saying, "Tough shit, all of this is your problem and I'll do whatever the fuck I want."

How can you possibly stay married to someone with this attitude? It's impossible and he is the one who's made it so.

Really? I had no idea what the threshold was. That’s quite depressing tbh. But I earn double yours so that’s dead in the water. It’s so annoying as would be the only income.

This would massively put me off him.

You say you love him, but what do you love about him?

Dump the cocklodger. You will be happier without him.

YANBU to want your husband to step up and make an equal contribution to your finances

YABU to reconsider leaving your husband (who you love) hoping that the Bank of Sunak & Co will help you financially.

You sound like you are under pressure, but still managing to pay all bills. Benefits are for people who can't do this, who can't pay their rent, who can't heat their homes, and who can't feed their kids. Not those who can afford the basics, but want things to be easier for them - because that would probably be most people.

You earn £78 K and are peeved you dont qualify for benefits.

*YANBU to want your husband to step up and make an equal contribution to your finances

YABU to reconsider leaving your husband (who you love) hoping that the Bank of Sunak & Co will help you financially.*
This

I feel under attack now. This wasn’t a benefits post. I earn £70k but DH probably makes minimum wage so whilst it seems a lot, it really isn’t when you consider that a family of four are living off it. If I was a single mother I’d get no CMS from DH. He doesn’t have it to give. But I’d get no support anywhere else it seems re nursery fees. So I guess there’s no point leaving then.

You leave because you have a shit marriage that you're wasting your life on.

At minimum wage your dh is earning over £21k. Add on your £70k and your household income is considered way above average.
(Your income alone is over 2 times mine for a family of 3)

If he won't step up and you can't reduce the huge childcare bill, you need to downsize your house. I can't see any other way your commitments can be so disproportionately massive that a £90k income can't cover.

I wouldn’t push the childcare issue. If it comes to a divorce you don’t want him to be claiming that he is the primary carer. Time to start getting your ducks in a row.

who has your children on the 5th day?

My parents.