To dislike husband when he is drunk or hungover

[northchesterforest]

Both myself and my husband are in our 30s.
Both have an active social life, him slightly more so in the sense that he has a lot more nights out than me. I tend to see my friends for lunch or dinner etc.

He goes out for the lads probably every 6 weeks and will always get really drunk and get home around 3ish. Tired and hungover the next day.

The thing is - I don't believe he is doing anything wrong and I like that he sees his friends, but I feel disproportionally annoyed when he does this.

I had an abusive, alcoholic stepfather growing up and I think this stems from this.

How can I get past this without making him feel bad, should I ask him to reign it in?

We want to start a family and I don't think the booze is doing him any good (he drinks regularly outside of big nights out)

You need to think long and very, very hard before you have kids with this man. Don't make the unbelievably foolish decision of thinking he'll change and his dependence on alcohol will magically improve once a baby is in the picture. It will not.

When I say he drinks regularly outside of nights out, it's casual drinks not getting drunk

Have you had a conversation with him about how his drunken nights out bring memories of your step father back? That must have been horrible for you and perhaps if your DH knew the connection in your mind he would stop doing it.

He is aware but I think because he only has positive associations with alcohol it's hard for him to understand

Can you try to make him understand how badly it makes you feel? He might reign it in of his own accord then.

If you want children, now is not the time to tread lightly. You need to tell him exactly how his drinking makes you feel, how unattractive and concerning it is, and how problems with alcohol are incompatible with having a happy family.

Binge drinking is v bad for one’s health and relationships. Hangovers are a symptom of the liver struggling to cope. How many units is he consuming pw? Binge drinking coupled with plenty of ‘social’ drinking isn’t healthy and will be difficult to cope with when you are parenting a child. If it’s an irritation now it will be a source of conflict later.

Don’t have kids with a man who regularly goes out and gets so shitfaced that he’s useless the day after.

i can relate to this… my ex husband was an alcoholic and now I can’t bear to be around drunk men, they are just gross to me. I have a partner now who drinks but never gets drunk around me, not because of how I feel just how he is so I am really lucky. It’s hard because I don’t think I would want to ever tell him what to do and thankfully he just does it through his own choice but I also couldn’t be with him if did get drunk. It’s a tough one but your feelings are not likely to change and he isn’t really doing anything wrong so I think you at least need to have a conversation with him about it first of all

Apart from his "big nights out" does he drink every night? How much does he drink in a week? You need to calmly talk to him about how it makes you feel, what your joint priorities are, and agree a way forward before you even consider having DC.

When you have young DC and both work fulltime its difficult to find time or the budget for binge nights out. Sharing the care of a small non sleeping child when you're hungover is awful, and it could all end up being your responsibility.

He needs to show he's grown up before you think about DC.