To stop making him coffee

[coffeemugs]

It all started so well. I'd make tea, he'd make me tea. We'd make each other coffee in bed. Over time it has slowly slowly turned into me making 99% of the hot drinks. I got fed up so I've just been making my own. AIBU? Is this the beginning of the end?

It's very petty/pass agg, so I'd say, yes, it probably is the beginning of the end.

In a healthy relationship, you'd talk about it and resolve it. Or it'd just be an even split anyway.

Can you nudge him and go ‘oi, your round’.

He's just lazy. He's not going to start again. I know it. He's moved on

Have you even tried <gasp> talking about it?

if you can't tell him your you're on drinks strike until he makes up for his share lazy arse...

then there's a problem that goes much deeper.

talk.

I could but he'll tell me to stop moaning I expect

Yes I've said loads of times, why am I making all the drinks. Nothing changes

I'm not actually sure if you're serious or not?

Well if you don't talk about it then nothing is going to change, is it?

So why isn't that conversation going anywhere?

If he's moved on, it's probably time for you to do the same.

I think tea and coffee making is the least of your problems.

He can't be arsed. Just wants me to do it

Yeah I'm serious. I think it's these little things. The rot has set in.

Sounds like it.

So perhaps you can stop talking about coffee and talk about your relationship being over.

Yeah, this is what me and DP do. If you have a respectful relationship, it's easy.

So then the only thing you change is whether or not you make his drinks. Up to you really. I’d bet my house there’s other shit going on though… a “she divorced me because I left my dishes by the sink” situation.

Yeah I've been burying my head in the sand

Thanks all

It's often the little things that show us the big things iyswim.
You said you've talked to him about it loads of times. Did he actually say he can't be arsed or did he make excuses?

Made excuses and just tried to laugh it off. I think you're right. There's bigger issues but this has just highlighted them and made me a bit sad

this Isn’t about coffee. This is about him not making effort towards you and giving you a feeling of fulfilment and appreciation. You need a conversation but it’s not coffee you need to talk about.

Talk to him? Seriously?

When he was trying to impress OP he knew that small acts of reciprocal kindness mattered. He didn't stop making hot drinks because he forgot that. He stopped because he's lazy and thinks he's secure.

You'd end up reminding this man about every gesture of appreciation he forgets and then he will call you a nag.

Let's stop infantilising lazy men and dressing it up as "healthy communication".

Get rid of the lazy arse.

My husband makes 99% of the drinks in general in our house.

im similar at times if its me then they get made if its the other person 75% they forget to make me one,

There's an app called tea round that could save your entire relationship at this point.

Ooh what does it do?