When you know you’ve told your DP something and they deny all knowledge

[bagpuss90]

Slightly ish light hearted - but bloody hell! This happens so often. I was talking to DP about a break we’d discussed and I’d gone ahead and booked. I 100% know I told him , we talked dates and agreed on them. He swears I didn’t and swears he knows nothing about it. Note to self to send bloody written confirmation about everything ! I really don’t feel I should have to tho - but he just doesn’t listen !

Mine is the same, also is deaf and wont admit it and nods along with me pretending he knows what I'm talking about which drives me insane!

My DH was the same until I bought a notebook. Every time we discussed a project or holiday or whatever, I would write the details in this book and we would both sign to say we heard and understood. Stopped his “you didn’t tell me that” excuses overnight.

It's the same genetic defect that stops them finding things that are exactly where you said they were

Most couple are like that, nothing new its just lack of communication between the two. Happens both ways and often when the other is busy doing something or just watching tv

We get to confirm important stuff by the other person verbally acknowledging what was said/agreed.simples!

Also stops them seeing stuff. "Where are my keys?" etc (right in front of you, if you LOOK) 🙄

He’s not deaf. 😄

100% this.

E.g. he is away on business and we're on a phone call
Him: How was work today?
Me: I wasn't at work, I had a study day
Him: Oh, you didn't tell me that
Me: Yes, I did, we talked about how many days of annual leave I have left to use, and that this week would be a good time to take some
Him: No, you definitely didn't tell me, I would have remembered
Me: But when you sent the money for your next trip to the dog sitter, you reduced it by two days because of me cancelling her for these two days while I am at home on leave
Him: Ummm.... (concedes defeat)

We have these types of conversations at least once a week. They always involve a statement like 'you never mentioned that, I would have remembered'. The trouble is, he hasn't twigged that he doesn't remember the gazillions of other times that we have had these conversations, so why would he remember this information?!

It starts early. My 7 year old son is insisting that he did not wear red shorts yesterday. This is despite us discussing what he would wear and me being in the room when he put the red shorts on in the morning. DH also confirms he was wearing the red ones for several hours.

By evening he was in blue shorts. I asked why he’d changed out of the red ones. He looked me dead in the eye and said he was never wearing red shorts. He has repeated this to his father and accused us of pranking him.

The red ones are in the top of the laundry basket, not soiled in any way.

If I don’t stop this now he’s going to be a master gaslighter by the time he has his first girlfriend. Help!

Yes mine is like this too. Written records (text, email, calendar) make it impossible to refute though. Then I get "you should have reminded me" to which I retort "no one reminds me, just look at the calendar".

I confess that sometimes I genuinely have forgotten to tell him something but can pretend that I did because he "has form" for not listening in the first place.

I have a calendar that we are all
responsible for adding to - if its on the calendar you’ve got no excuse to say you didn’t know!
It’s helped massively with my frustrations of saying ‘don’t forget I’m out tonight’ and dh being surprised even though we’d had a conversation about our weekly plans the weekend before.

Like Kyle Minogue, it's especially for you.

Men cope fine in other environments so mostly it's a kind of causal disrespect. The notebook suggestion is good but hells teeth on the need for one at all.

I’m glad it’s not just me ! 🤣

My DH sometimes says I didn't tell him. Anything important we discuss, then I text a brief summary. He has had a brain tumour though. He wasn't like this before.n

I feel your pain.

I manage this as best I can by sending my DH a WhatsApp message after we agreed on something important and say something like "just checking it was second week in April you were going to book off". This has been useful on a few occasions as I have been able to produce my message - and his reply - to prove we discussed it.

There have been times when things have slipped my mind and I can quite happily admit to forgetting, as there is bugger all he can say in return as he knows he has forgotten fairly major stuff in the past, and I had proof 🤣

Yup, drives me mad too. I have taken to ‘casually’ sending a message about whatever it is, so I have ‘proof’. Pity to have to do this, but saves my sanity at times..

Happens a lot here! He just doesn’t listen. Or rather, he pretends to, but his mind is elsewhere.

It’s infuriating. My DH is deaf, wears hearing aids but only in the past couple of years. I think he’s got so used to not hearing someone and faux-acknowledging them that it’s second nature to him. I understand that, but what pisses me off is his absolute resolution that I haven’t told him something, rather than accepting that I have told him and he’s not heard me, but smiled and nodded and said “Yeah, that’s fine”.

@HeraSyndulla the only way I know he is actually deaf and not just ignorant is the volume he has the TV on! You have to be ready with the remote to turn it down the second you turn it on or the dog has a heart attack!

Quite shamelessly, I use this lack of listening to my advantage. Not too evilly, but along the lines of, “I TOLD you I was going to buy that large item/dress/book theatre tickets.”

My DH is hard of hearing, but also can't be arsed retaining information he doesn't see as important. I have a calendar on view with everything written on it.

If he books something that clashes with that we're supposed to be doing as a family, because he's not paid attention, he misses out and tough luck. I've stopped micromanaging it.

Mostly I now book things with my friend and her kids because the hysteria (his) involved with suggesting he might book some A/L or ask to change the work rota isn't worth it.