To find neighbour really really odd

[CornishIrish]

So we have a thick clump of bamboo to one side of our house. That borders the back of a neighbours property. It has been there for about ten years. Very definitely on our land although we never planted it and I’ve never much cared for it. It acts as a bit of a screen to the neighbours extension so we’ve just left it for their sakes more than ours.

just recently we realised it was growing out under our decking and causes moisture to pool so we asked our gardener to start manage it back.

Yesterday (Saturday) our neighbour just appears at the back door in our garden and starts hacking away at the bamboo. My husband him what he was doing and he said “oh I knocked” but then carried on hacking away at the bamboo. My husband then asks him what he thinks he’s doing and he says “just clearing this”.

I am absolutely bemused and baffled to the point that I don’t really know what to say. I wonder if he thought we were out and he could sneak in? He has our phone numbers and has never ever mentioned this bamboo ever in the 7 years we have lived here. You have to enter and cross our garden to access this on our property there is no right of way.

What on Earth would you do??? I don’t think he has mental health issues, he’s in his 40’s and is head of the parish council.

I am flummoxed.

Is it coming up on his side ?

No, not on their side. It sort of sits on top of a bank that is on top of a small wall at the back of their property. I always thought it probably blocks their light a bit but when we first moved in I asked and his girlfriend told me they just left it. They are a bit of the village clique but otherwise seem normal and usually just say hello and not much else.

So why on earth didn't you tell him to stop cutting YOUR bamboo and to get the fuck out of YOUR garden!?

If I didn’t wish it cut, I’d have told him to stop

how do you both not know what to do and need to ask mumsnet?

This is what I don't get. He's on your property uninvited, damaging your plants. This isn't a time for being flummoxed, it's a time to be assertive and tell him not to. Of course he isn't mentally ill, he's just very entitled and disrespectful.

He hates the bamboo. Saw your gardener tidying it and thought here’s my chance to get shot of it.

Tell him to stop.

You didn't finish the story?

Who stopped him? What did he say? Did he go home with his tail between his legs?

Nobody can just bowl in to my back garden. We have 6.4' fences and gates. Maybe invest in some and next time tell him to get the fuck out of your garden

I wasn’t here, if I would’ve been it would have been slightly different. My husband is so laid back and doesn’t want to fall out with anyone because it’s a teeny village where everyone has lived since they were born.

It was so brazen I think I’ve gaslit myself into thinking maybe I was over reacting.

I think I needed outside validation. Living in a small community sometimes has you questioning yourself.

Am sending husband over to have a chat.

Presumably he thinks it’s his? And knocked to ask if he could walk on your garden to get it to it. No reply so assumed no one was in so came through anyway (quite rude but still within the realms of what a person might do).

I’d be shocked if he knew it was yours and just let himself in to cut down your plants and THEN didn’t acknowledge anything was weird to your husband when confronted.

If he thought it was his, he surely would have cut it from his side?
You don't just go onto someone else's property without actually speaking to them.

How long have you lived there ? Just wondering whether the previous resident might have had an arrangement where he comes and trims it for them.

Whatever, it needs to be addressed in a civil way, I hate the way people go from 0-100 aggression these days. Polite but firm.

He is being out of order. I know what you mean about gaslighting yourself, sometimes people do something so absolutely brazen and out of the blue that it takes a while to process what is actually happening. Being caught on the back foot makes it difficult to immediately react in an appropriate way. He is completely in the wrong though and perhaps thinks that he can behave like this because of his local standing.

@TeabySea well, I wouldn’t go on someone’s property but I think plenty of people do. Maybe he saw their gardner tackling it, thought “oh no, they’re bothered by my bamboo which I’ve let get out of control, I better bea good neighbour and sort that out”. Can’t reach it all from his side (or maybe assumed that their side was the problem or something).

I suppose I’m just saying that instead of going all guns blazing “get off my property you absolute weirdo” etc there might be a more human and understandable reason this has occurred.

Are you flummoxed because he’s 40 or because him being head of the parish council gives him forgiveness from trespass?

If the latter, I’d start a Facebook campaign to have him removed from the parish council for tree cutting during nesting season.

If that doesn’t work go nuclear- Tell everyone he doesn’t pick up his dog poo and drops fag ends on his walks.

Hopefully the onslaught of undiluted verbal venom and medieval torture threats will soon send him scurrying back into his own garden.

It will be coming up in his garden - my MIL planted a supposedly clump forming, non spreading variety. It did grow in clumps, but it also set out runners that grew about 5m away, and then again 5m from that…so left uncontrolled there would be a bamboo forest given enough time! Fortunately it was in a big garden that we could get a JCB in to dig it out or it would have been backbreaking work.
Cant imagine why he’s not spoken to you though, that’s just peculiar!

Although waging a campaign of increasing magnitude sounds amazing I am a bit busy right now at work and with the kids 😆

Husband went over, man was apologetic and said when he was confronted he couldn’t really stop himself. “I was in the swing of it”.

Anyway I asked the big question. What is the outcome, are we clearing the bamboo, keeping it, trimming it back? It doesn’t seem like they got beyond a very awkward sorry.

sigh

Maybe I’ll pop over next week and extend all the awkwardness with a follow up. Husband is a C Level at a tech firm, neighbour is a senior very qualified professional in a field that requires a lot of brain. Yet seemingly they haven’t been able to agree a plan of action.

If all else fails I’ll just don a big pointy hat, torch the bamboo and stand laughing as the flames lick around me and hope that is enough to keep all the neighbours away.

In a few months or so they’ll be round yours drinking cocktails on the terrace laughing with you about the bamboo incident. That would be a lovely outcome.

I think you're going to have to do better if it's a totes hilaires CF classic you're aiming for.

What does your neighbour's age, your husband's job, and about 99% of the rest of it have to do with anything?

There's a plant that annoying you because of the moisture, you don't like it. Clearly, neither does your neighbour.

You've already told your gardener to get rid of it.

Give over with the silly embellishments now.

I think it’s clear what - they’re in executive roles (which means decisionmakers) and between them have failed to resolve the issue. Irony.

I'd be grateful someone was getting rid of the bamboo, it's a menace. But hacking is no good, need to dig the whole lot out.