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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH called me controlling

11 replies

amiControlling1 · 03/03/2024 10:28

My DD aged 8 was sitting with me on the sofa cuddling up watching tv and my husband wanted her to come over to him to watch gladiators (that’s their weekly thing). She didn’t want to as was comfortable and he started getting angry with me and said I’m controlling. I told DD to just go there as I didn’t want a fight with him and wanted an easy weekend with no arguing. I calmly asked him how I’m controlling and this is what he said - “I tell the kids what to do all the time( aged 4 and 8), I tell him to eat more healthily” - the healthy comment was because he’s had medical issues namely his heart and it runs in his family, I asked him previously in the day to think what will happen to us if he gets more unwell and god forbid he dies, I just said to cut his drinking down and stop eating so unhealthy. I make all the meals but in between he eats so much junk that he’s too full to eat dinner so he skips it.

I was angry at this point and said I will no longer “control” him and he can do all his laundry, cooking and life admin and I don’t need to be concerned anymore. His response was he’s going to eat out all of next week so no need to cook for him.

I really struggle with him

OP posts:
amiControlling1 · 03/03/2024 10:30

He also said I treat him like a child by telling him what to eat. But he just does what he pleases so my words have no effect anyway

OP posts:
TiIIyM · 03/03/2024 10:33

I dont really understand the TV comment, could your DD not see the TV where she was?

And the telling him what to eat and drink could seem controlling yes. He's a big boy who can make his own decisions.

fruity81 · 03/03/2024 10:34

all in front of the children?

DumpedByText · 03/03/2024 10:34

So you need to follow through with what you said. Don't do his laundry, life admin or cooking, he'll quickly realise he's been an arse!

He sounds hard work and if you give in this time, he'll just carry on acting like this.

Spencer0220 · 03/03/2024 10:35

You have a DH problem.

I suggest my husband doesn't do certain things, because I love him and care about his needs. He doesn't call me controlling.

Also, your daughter has the right to decline to sit with him.

He sounds very immature

Saymyname28 · 03/03/2024 10:36

I don't think you should have told your daughter to do something she didn't want to to appease him becuase you didn't want to argue with him. That's so unhealthy.

ComtesseDeSpair · 03/03/2024 10:38

If you repeatedly try to tell him how he should eat and drink when he didn’t want to follow your advice after the first couple of times you tried then yes, you’re being overbearing and controlling. Overweight and unhealthy people know they’re overweight and unhealthy, but the desire to do something about it needs to come from them, not somebody else badgering them.

LittleOwl153 · 03/03/2024 10:40

Saymyname28 · 03/03/2024 10:36

I don't think you should have told your daughter to do something she didn't want to to appease him becuase you didn't want to argue with him. That's so unhealthy.

This...

I'd counteract the rest by taking out a life insurance policy on him and leaving him to it.

He's reacting as he knows you're right re his health but he doesn't want to admit it. So it's easier to blame you.

Dweetfidilove · 03/03/2024 10:40

Your daughter declined to go, so you told her to go anyway, to manage your husband’s ire?

He sounds an unattractive manchild and you sound a bit too compliant.

Hopefully he’s properly insured, so you and your daughter are both secured when he sleepwalks into a heart attack 😔.

PussInBin20 · 03/03/2024 10:41

He’s obviously a bit angry about the food thing as he knows you are right but doesn’t want to do anything about it, so tries to justify it as you being controlling.

He’s selfish - he has a family but doesn’t want to make sure he is around for them for as long as possible.

I would tell him that.

Dweetfidilove · 03/03/2024 10:42

LittleOwl153 · 03/03/2024 10:40

This...

I'd counteract the rest by taking out a life insurance policy on him and leaving him to it.

He's reacting as he knows you're right re his health but he doesn't want to admit it. So it's easier to blame you.

Cross-posted. I agree 🙌🏾

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