… I make a mistake at work that causes me embarrassment and criticism from management. I lose confidence, ruminate and worry over this. A couple of days later I say the wrong thing in a meeting which I’m pulled up on.
This isn’t me, I’m a quiet, shy person, I really try to do a good job and think before I speak, not just act thoughtlessly or blurt out all sorts, but I overthink and then mess up.
The weekend, these two mistakes are playing on my mind, on a loop. Distracted, I miscommunicate and mess up the travel arrangements for a social event I’m attending. I’m kicking myself over this and so forget to bring in item to the event I promised I’d give to someone there, causing them inconvenience and me embarrassment.
Lose sleep over this, back to work, tired and preoccupied with how I’m going to make up for forgetting the item, unfocused, stressed not seeing the next faux pas I’m about to take…
And on and on. How do I make this stop. I’ve tried meditation, deep breathing exercises, it doesn’t work when my thoughts are churning like this.
It’s been like this, on and off, since I was a teen, now 40, 25 years of overthinking, second guessing and catastrophising. Wasting so much mental energy on unhelpful thought. I wish there was a pill I could take to switch it off. A self confidence pill, a stop worrying pill.
My stomach’s always churning, like I’m low level panicking constantly. I’ve read books, I understand the amygdala, faulty fight or flight responses, none of it helps. It’s all minor stuff, not life and death, or is it? It’s my career and social life I’m ruining by always making the wrong decision, because I can’t stop thinking about all the wrong decisions I make. Anybody else like this? Anybody broken the cycle?