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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Unnanounced midnight visitor

22 replies

Springisintheairohyeah · 03/03/2024 02:55

Partner arranged to go out. I expected it to be a boozy/late night and was quite happy to have a quiet night in by myself. Around midnight I was downstairs just getting ready to go to bed when they came home along with a friend who also happens to be an acquaintance of mine (not someone I know well - think dad you say hello to at the school gates sort of thing). I'm sitting here in my nightie and slippers with a conditioning treatment on my hair looking a bit like that girl out of The Ring. I'm happy to host people/have people to the house etc. but I'm just not comfortable having someone come into my space unannounced like that so I sort of avoided saying hi and sneaked away to bed. I am also in a bad mood because I couldn't get to sleep until said person left (our house is very small so you can hear conversations, see landing/bathroom lights going on and off, dogs also won't settle until they've gone home etc). My partner also made it worse by coming into the bedroom at 2am while I'm trying to get to sleep to ask me if I wanted to share their takeaway. No, I just want to be left in peace! They think I am being unreasonable, it's their home too and they shouldn't have to 'placate me'. I think they are being unreasonable and a heads up in advance would have been good so I could have at least known to get myself out the way.

OP posts:
Hermittrismegistus · 03/03/2024 03:29

I think you should just go to sleep.

Slinkyminky22 · 03/03/2024 03:36

Partner should have messaged a heads up before arriving home.

octoberfarm · 03/03/2024 03:45

I can see it from both sides - it probably didn't occur to him but it's understandable that it was uncomfortable and frustrating for you. Could you agree moving forward that he just needs to give you the heads up (and be a bit more respectful of volume, etc) moving forward? Hope you manage to get some sleep now Flowers

IgoogledYOLO · 03/03/2024 03:45

Not worth getting wound up over.
A lesson learned for partner for next time.

The offer of a takeaway was the right thing to do but they should have been quiet and clicked you were asleep or pain old ordered you something extra anyway.

Cas112 · 03/03/2024 06:43

If it's a one off I couldn't be that fussed

GoodnightJude1 · 03/03/2024 06:54

A heads up would have been nice but if it’s only a one off I wouldn’t get too stressed about it.

VestigiumVirgin · 03/03/2024 06:56

Was it Micheal McIntyre and a film crew?😀

thasratelass · 03/03/2024 06:59

I would be unhappy and ask him not to bring friends back that late.

JubileeJumps · 03/03/2024 07:03

My husband did this recently. He let someone stay over and dud t mention it to me. I got up - he was asleep - and went downstairs in just a t shirt which barely covered anything. And suddenly this friend appeared! I jumped and dropped my cup. I’m sure he saw my bum!
OH was subsequently woken up by me smacking him really hard.
He thought it was funny. I’m still mortified.

rwalker · 03/03/2024 07:03

Just tell him to text you before if he does it again

Pigglyplaystruant99 · 03/03/2024 07:11

My exH did this, frequently, usually when extremely drunk and would then top the evening off playing music extremely loudly. He had zero respect under the influence of alcohol and we are now divorced.

Inyourwildestdreams · 03/03/2024 07:18

I couldn’t get worked up about it if it wasn’t a regular occurrence 🤷🏻‍♀️ If DH done that knowing I was up early for work etc then I’d probably be a bit annoyed and say something to him the next day.

The only time I’ve ever been bother by DH bringing a friend home after the pub was when I woke in the morning to find DH and the friend passed out on the couch and a tub of red kebab sauce all down the arm of our new couch and carpet 🙃😬

PinkIcedCream · 03/03/2024 09:00

Bloody hell OP, of course YANBU.

My DH would never do anything as annoying as bringing someone home late at night.

What sort of bloke does that? One who puts his own needs first…!

Don’t marry him OP otherwise, you’ll have to get used to taking second fiddle forever more.

There’s plenty of decent men out there who aren’t selfish pricks.

Springisintheairohyeah · 03/03/2024 09:12

JubileeJumps · 03/03/2024 07:03

My husband did this recently. He let someone stay over and dud t mention it to me. I got up - he was asleep - and went downstairs in just a t shirt which barely covered anything. And suddenly this friend appeared! I jumped and dropped my cup. I’m sure he saw my bum!
OH was subsequently woken up by me smacking him really hard.
He thought it was funny. I’m still mortified.

This! It's not so much the bringing someone over, it's the fact I was unprepared and looking like a semi dressed house goblin at the tim

OP posts:
Katemax82 · 03/03/2024 10:04

That's really annoying. My selfish prick husband used to do this when his friend who lived in Thailand was over for a few weeks (staying with another friend of course) and it used to drive me mad. It came to a head when they all sat up till about 6am being really noisy and watching TV loudly, and when the friends left they took my brand new Toothpaste I'd bought that day with them. I went off to my mums and left a really shitty note implying I was leaving my (then boyfriend now husband) and he was so panicked when he got up they all ended up apologising

AuntMarch · 03/03/2024 10:07

I'd be annoyed but think it doesn't need to be any bigger issue than "please text ahead next time so I can hide if I don't feel like socialising with drunk people"

MrsSkylerWhite · 03/03/2024 10:09

My husband would text. I’d definitely expect a plate of takeaway brought up to me in bed 😁

LlynTegid · 03/03/2024 10:09

You could have been warned by a call or even a text, and even ten minutes warning would have been enough.

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 03/03/2024 10:34

A text orcsome notice would gave been preferable but as a once off I wouldn't get too bothered about it.

Ask him text if he intends to do it again. It's only a problem if it happens regularly.

Loopytiles · 03/03/2024 10:37

DP was U not to text to let you know and for waking you up about the takeaway.

Justleaveitblankthen · 03/03/2024 12:46

Everyone is assuming your partner is a bloke, but you carefully omitted to mention your partner's sex 🤓

momager1 · 03/03/2024 17:45

@Justleaveitblankthen she actually said that the man that came back was not one she knew well just a "dad you see at the school gates" If her partner is a woman, that makes it a hell of alot worse her bringing home a man! 😂

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