To throw in the towel

[riotstarter]

Been playing a particular sport for a while. Pretty new at it. Got into it as part of recovery from surgery a year ago.

Found out a couple of team members had been speaking poorly about me and the way I play recently and that they felt the team was better without me. I genuinely was good at it before these comments and it gave me so much joy.

I've not had a good match since. I feel like I'm perpetually panicked before a game now and rubbish when I'm on the field.

The last straw for me was yesterday's game. I fumbled every opportunity I had and it lost us the match really badly. To make it worse, there was a player in from out of town who's played pro and witnessed that.

I want to pack it all in but it's been so good for regaining mobility and also for meeting people.

I messaged one of the other players after the game who I really respect and told them my concerns and to apologise for letting the team down, and they didn't reply! I also went up to a couple of people after and apologised and they kind of just sneered at me.

I'm now awake at 2am literally crying and wanting to pull out of all trainings and games going forward.

Has it been good for meeting nice people as well as the ones you’re mentioning? Because I’m not sure they sound worth meeting tbh. If they’re all unfriendly/sneery like that, is there the option of joining a different and hopefully nicer team for that sport?

It does sound like you maybe need to work on your self-esteem and assertiveness also (I say that with sympathy, not in a patronising way, as I’m the same).

This isn't you - it's them. Some people just get a thrill out of ganging up on others and bullying them. Naturally, this has affected your confidence so you're not playing to your usual standard.

Part of me thinks you shouldn't let them push you out, but in real life it's rarely that simple. Is there another team locally that you could consider joining, as an option?

The alternative is just to push through and carry on playing. People like your bullies tend to go in waves, and the probability is they'll sooner or later move onto someone else; the problem is it's going to be crap for you in the meantime.

The important thing is that your mobility and physical wellbeing is being benefited by playing, and you should try not to let anything take from that. These people are just randoms who have crossed your path - like you might find yourself having a wanker of a boss at work, or a twat of a next door neighbour - they are nothing to do with you, and who you are; so if this team is your only option, mentally detach yourself from them as an irrelevance and carry on playing and improving your fitness.

Hey, no, you didn't lose your team the match. No single player loses a match for their team - everyone is supposed to step up.

Do you have a coach? A person who decides on the team line-up? Talk to them, and perhaps ask to be allowed to play in the equivalent of the 'B team' for a while to get your confidence back up.

Or join another club to find the equivalent.

I've been 'over promoted' a couple of times in sports clubs in my younger adult days, and had to take a step down from 'intermediate' to 'beginners', or from 'league' to 'fun'.

Sympathies

I wouldn't pull out if you can bear not to. At least for a while. Speak to your team mate you respect ( ie face to face not text ) and possibly the captain and see what they say. If it comes to it then they aren't a great team are they but at least speak to a couple rather than being bullied out.

Easy for me to say - harder for you to do - I do appreciate that.

All best @riotstarter 💐🏏🏑⚽⛹🏐. & the emoji of your team 😊