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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel anxious about DD being away from me?

31 replies

smallpinkdinosaur · 02/03/2024 21:35

DD is almost 3. She has chicken pox so can't go to nursery next week. DH and both work FT and struggling to get the time off next week at short notice, but we've managed between us to cover Wednesday-Friday with a combination of carers leave and annual leave. Anyway, my dad and his wife have offered to look after DD Mon & Tues, so I am taking her there tomorrow afternoon. However my dad and his wife live 120 miles away (just over 2 hrs drive each way). They are the only family support we have so we need to take them up on the offer, but I'm so anxious. It will be 48 hours away from us, and my DD has only ever spent one night away from us (at my dads) and we were close by to her staying in a hotel. I can't be close by this time as I need to work.

She adores my dad and even though she only
Sees him once every 2-3 ish months she runs straight to him shouting "grandad!" and hugs him, which is so lovely. I've explained to her where we are going tomorrow and she's excited to see grandad but I don't think she understands that I wont be staying too. My anxiety is through the roof in case she gets really upset when I need to leave 😟 am I overthinking this?? She will be ok won't she?

OP posts:
Original poster
smallpinkdinosaur · 02/03/2024 21:43

I'll assume the lack of replies means I'm being ridiculous and need to get a grip 😂

OP posts:
Rachie1973 · 02/03/2024 21:45

I don’t think you need to get a grip but I do think she’ll be totally fine.

You have Mum guilt. Incurable and annoying, like covid :)

RubyGemStone · 02/03/2024 21:46

Reasonable to be a bit anxious under the circumstances but it seems a good solution so I would focus on not projecting your anxiety on to her. I find they can smell the fear! If she's feeling under the weather too, it might all get a bit much if you're wound up. Just be very breezing when dropping her off like you're popping out to the shops.

DragonGypsyDoris · 02/03/2024 21:47

No, it means that only 8 minutes have passed.

Original poster
smallpinkdinosaur · 02/03/2024 21:47

Rachie1973 · 02/03/2024 21:45

I don’t think you need to get a grip but I do think she’ll be totally fine.

You have Mum guilt. Incurable and annoying, like covid :)

Mum guilt is the worst 😭

OP posts:
Original poster
smallpinkdinosaur · 02/03/2024 21:47

DragonGypsyDoris · 02/03/2024 21:47

No, it means that only 8 minutes have passed.

😂

OP posts:
Mumof2NDers · 02/03/2024 21:53

I can understand the mum guilt but me and and DSis used to stay with our grandparents for a week most summers and LOVED it x

Scirocco · 02/03/2024 21:57

YANBU to feel anxious. It's a stressful situation and sounds like it's quite outside your comfort zone, and you've not got the option of building up to it gradually or even much time to get your head round it.

But don't let your anxiety overrule your reason. If this is the only feasible option at this point, and you're confident that she's going to be with safe and loving family members, then it's a reasonable option to choose.

She might be upset when you leave, but if so then she'll likely settle quickly once fun activities and distractions are presented (if you think that's a possibility then you could pre-warn your dad to have something that will fill that role easily available). Or, she might surprise you and be so excited by her new adventure that she's fine.

Maybe you could prepare some familiar and comforting things for her to have with her, and make sure your dad knows any key routines she needs him to follow.

Original poster
smallpinkdinosaur · 02/03/2024 22:07

@Scirocco
Thank you those are really good ideas. I've already written a bullet point list for my dad for her routine etc. My dad's brilliant with kids (he's raised 7 of his own, plus looks after 5 grandkids occasionally), so I'm sure he will cope. He's by no means elderly either, he's only 62, so can still (just about) chase after an active toddler 😂

OP posts:
Catladyireland · 02/03/2024 22:37

You're not being ridiculous. You're bonded with your daughter and that's good. The time apart might do you both some good, it's healthy and I bet she will have a lovely time x

CammyChameleon · 02/03/2024 23:38

It's extra hard when they're sick, you just want to keep them snuggled up with you on the sofa and check their temperature every five minutes.

Last year I got hospitalised for several days due to chemotherapy complications while DS3 (4 y/o at the time) was off with chickenpox. He ended up staying with my folks while my husband fit work around the older kids' school hours. I worried, but he was fine.

Sonolanona · 03/03/2024 01:06

She'll be fine...and your dad sounds awesome!
My dh is 62 and is great with our toddler grandson (who said 'Grandad' ages before he said Granny, and I look after him several days a week Grin)

Our dgs sees the other grandparents rarely as they live 6 hours + drive away but when he visits they take him off and he has a great time..toddlers are adaptable :)

ilovebreadsauce · 03/03/2024 02:24

Yes you are unreasonable to subject a sick 2 year old to a 240 mile round trip to stay with people she barely knows.

WandaWonder · 03/03/2024 03:00

I think it is weird for kids to be glued to their parents, if they have perfectly normal people that are close to them who can care and love them why the need to never ever be without children

Yes I think it is weird 'omg the world will end if my child is not with me 24/7'

Soñando25 · 03/03/2024 03:02

Could your Dad and Stepmum not come to yours to stay with your little girl while you're at work?
If not, she will be ok / fine, so try not to worry. The time she's away will pass quickly. You can FaceTime too.

Amumto4crotchgoblins · 03/03/2024 05:15

ilovebreadsauce · 03/03/2024 02:24

Yes you are unreasonable to subject a sick 2 year old to a 240 mile round trip to stay with people she barely knows.

Is this a serious reply? Did you not read then OP and the posters comments?
I'm sure the child will be fine,what do you suggest OP does on this occasion....

Original poster
smallpinkdinosaur · 03/03/2024 07:50

ilovebreadsauce · 03/03/2024 02:24

Yes you are unreasonable to subject a sick 2 year old to a 240 mile round trip to stay with people she barely knows.

🙄🙄

She's not "sick", she's perfectly well in herself! No symptoms whatsoever except spots.

OP posts:
Original poster
smallpinkdinosaur · 03/03/2024 07:52

WandaWonder · 03/03/2024 03:00

I think it is weird for kids to be glued to their parents, if they have perfectly normal people that are close to them who can care and love them why the need to never ever be without children

Yes I think it is weird 'omg the world will end if my child is not with me 24/7'

Except I didn't say "omg my world will end", did I? I said I'm anxious.

OP posts:
Original poster
smallpinkdinosaur · 03/03/2024 07:53

ilovebreadsauce · 03/03/2024 02:24

Yes you are unreasonable to subject a sick 2 year old to a 240 mile round trip to stay with people she barely knows.

Also they are not people she "barely knows"?! Wtf?! Did you read the OP? She loves her grandad and sees him every 2-3 months.

What is wrong with people on here?Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
smallpinkdinosaur · 03/03/2024 07:54

Soñando25 · 03/03/2024 03:02

Could your Dad and Stepmum not come to yours to stay with your little girl while you're at work?
If not, she will be ok / fine, so try not to worry. The time she's away will pass quickly. You can FaceTime too.

Unfortunately not because stepmum works so my DD will be with my dad during the day (my dad is retired).

OP posts:
Mistyhill · 03/03/2024 07:54

If she’s not feeling unwell then I think it’ll be fine. Best of luck. It’s v difficult going to work with children that can’t go to school / childcare. Been there a lot!

Original poster
smallpinkdinosaur · 03/03/2024 07:54

Catladyireland · 02/03/2024 22:37

You're not being ridiculous. You're bonded with your daughter and that's good. The time apart might do you both some good, it's healthy and I bet she will have a lovely time x

Thank you! 🩷

OP posts:
Original poster
smallpinkdinosaur · 03/03/2024 07:56

Sonolanona · 03/03/2024 01:06

She'll be fine...and your dad sounds awesome!
My dh is 62 and is great with our toddler grandson (who said 'Grandad' ages before he said Granny, and I look after him several days a week Grin)

Our dgs sees the other grandparents rarely as they live 6 hours + drive away but when he visits they take him off and he has a great time..toddlers are adaptable :)

Haha yes DD is also very much a "grandads girl" when we visit! I'm sure she will be ok.

OP posts:
LunaNova · 03/03/2024 08:02

I also have a 3 year old, who has just recovered from chicken pox. The juggling of work and childcare was unreal (especially because my DM is immunocompromised so couldn't help as she does usually.)

Your DD will have a great time with grandad for a few days, our DD has spent the weekend with both sets of grandparents a few times now and she absolutely loves it - I was still nervous about her recent stay as we left after we dropped her off at nursery (so her grandparents picked her up) but she was still fine.

I bet a change of scenery will be great for your DD as if she's anything like mine, she will be bouncing off the walls from being stuck in the house haha

Noseybookworm · 03/03/2024 09:52

YANBU to feel a bit anxious, that's normal! I'm sure your daughter will be fine with your lovely dad and it's really good for her to get to spend time with him. I bet she'll have a great time ☺️