to not want dd2 to come home from nursery with 4th bite mark on her hand

[dizzydixies]

dd2 is 22months old and goes to a private nursery in the morning.

she has been bitten 4 times on the hand by another child in the same room as her - the same child each time apparently

now, I fully understand that kids bicker and that she herself is no angel BUT

we pay a fortune for a high staff to child ration in that room I think 1:3 by law and this is the 4th time it has happened

each time it is explained that dd and another child are fighting over a toy and the other child sinks their teeth in marking dh for a few days

ok, kids fight and want the same toys, I fully accept this but where are the staff at this point in time and why is it allowed to get to the stage where one of them has the opportunity to sunk the teeth in enough to leave a mark that lasts for a day at least?

dh had to sign the note as he picked her up today and it stated

'dd2 and another child were fighting over a toy causing the other child to bite dd2?!?'

if they're fighting - surely split them up and distract them ffs, don't let it get that far

am I being unreasonable to expect this of the staff who are normally fantastic?

-myrealifename-

need the - -

my dd isn't 'a biter' but nevertheless went through a thing where if children came too close to her face she nipped them on the nose. it happened a few times with her boy pals who were trying to be affectionate etc, but other times she'd give them a cuddle back. it was hard to know if she was going to do it or not and not fair to treat her as if she was going to (not fair and potentially counter-productive). thank god she stopped doing it before she went to nursery.

The other parents should know. I had to sign an incident book when ds1 was scratching/pinching. Some days I was having to sign 5 times in a row it was bloody awful (by which I mean 5 names in a row on one day). I knew anyway as I could see the kids coming out with red marks down their face.

The thing is though it really couldn't be prevented. As I said earlier ds1 had full time 1:1 (and a switched on 1:1). There was a behaviour strategy put in place (quickly) - which involved turning him away from his 1:1 (or other nearby adult) each time he did it. And that did work very quickly (within about 2 weeks). BUt he was far to fast.

Now he has a whole host of behaviours he practices on me. I know him inside out, I know the behaviours he has. Still can't stop them or pre-empt them because they come out of nowhere.

Coming home with bite marks etc is part and parcel of putting your child in day care. You should expect to be informed about it, and can reasonably ask whether your child is being singled out, and if so what are they going to do about it. But as someone else 4 times in 25 sessions isn't actually a huge amount - if the child is a persistent biter they're doing a pretty good job at protecting your child with such a low strike rate. You can of course ask staff to reassure you that they are dealing with the situation but you have t be realistic about what they can manage to do.

Ds used to come home every week from the childminder with bite marks. And it wasn't because the CM was careless; this other little boy was just incredibly quick. It helped us to know that the other boy's mum was devastated and cried about it; in fact, I felt more sorry for her than I did for ds.

Though I was upset at the time, of course I was. Eventually, it all stopped: he grew out of it.

The same sort of thing can happen between siblings too. Apparently, there were quite a few times when my Mum wasn't quick enough off the mark to stop me laying into little brother. (I've tried to make it up to him since )

Can understand your upset and your last post helps me to understand more your question.

I don't honestly think you can expect the staff to be able to prevent it. I think you can expect to ask them how they are trying to address the issue that this child has now bitten yours 4 times (so it may be a personal thing in whihc case they should watch the biter more closely with your child or it may be that they are also biting everyone else). I think even with 1:1 this would be difficult to prevent most of the time.

I am sure they are taking it up with this child's parents too but you could ask for your peace of mind. It must be very upsetting but as the mother of a biter (actually he only did it 3 times but it was 3 times too many) I can assure you that it is probably just as upsetting for their parents. I was mortified.

So basically I don't think you can expect this not to happen. I do howeever think you are entitled to a desription of what they are doing about it and if you arenot satisfied with this arrange to see the manager at the nursery for an explanation. This will be unlikely to change this situation but it will hopefully put your mind at ease. I personally would not take my child out of nursery for this as you are otherwise happy unless I wasn't happy with how they addressed my concerns.

Perhaps have a chat with them this week and post their response on here.