To have booked a table myself for Mother’s Day?

[Stressedinlockdown]

Been with my husband 15 years, married 7. We have a 5 year old and no real support so have only had 2 child free nights in those 5 years.
Husband was never a big romantic. We’ve struggled with it on and off our whole relationship. I would’ve loved more romance but then it was never a deal breaker either. He’s a good man, funny, takes care of us, hard worker, we have the same ideas when it comes to raising family etc. But he’s just never been good at surprising me for example, he’s never booked a night away or randomly surprised me with a date night. He’s got better at remembering things like flowers on valentines and getting me birthday presents (he literally forgot my birthday one year, even on the day itself had to be reminded) but has made an effort since. But even then, any date nights, any trips away etc it’s always me that books and plans them. We didn’t celebrate our last few anniversaries because we were tired, skint etc. We haven’t had a date night since August.
Mother’s Day is coming up, and I guess given our history, I knew nothing would be booked for a meal out. He will get me a card and small present but I knew we wouldn’t be going out anywhere.
I’ve had a rough couple of months being sick and felt like getting dressed up and going out for a meal as a family, so I have booked a table at our favourite restaurant for Mother’s Day (both of us and our daughter)
I told him today and he basically said to cancel it as we’re meant to be saving money. This is true, but we’ve cut back on everything else. Like I say, we never go out, we don’t smoke, don’t drink, no takeaways etc. I don’t get my nails done, eyebrows lashes etc none of that.
I just wanted one meal out. He said he was going to cook something nice as well as a card and present, but I said I would rather not have that and have a meal out with family.
We’re now in a huff with each other. I know he’ll be thinking I’m being ungrateful for what he was going to do, and with our goal to save money shouldn’t have booked it.
I should point out that in the past I have tried to leave things to him to organise, but he doesn’t. So I just thought, rather than being disappointed I should just book something myself.
AIBU for booking it and wanting to go out?

Yanbu but I’d have booked a different day if it’s a set Mother’s Day menu at increased cost. I won’t pay Mother’s Day/Valentine’s Day prices.

They had a special on for Mother’s Day and kids eat free. I even checked all this so it wasn’t going to be massively expensive.

"He said he was going to cook something nice as well as a card and present"
'He said'. Nope - with his track record, I call bullshit on that pronouncement. It's OK to not be romantic; I'm not either. But it's not OK to claim that you'd have made the romantic gesture (and it is only a claim he's making) when your history says you wouldn't.

Go out without him to save money

I agree. In past arguments it’s always been “well I was going to do such and such”

which from outside perspective might make it seem like I’m not giving him space to do things but it’s been 15 years, I know him well enough by now to know he was not going to do anything.

Do not cancel it

You go and enjoy it.
Leave him at home because he will only ruin it by picking fault.
Start doing nice things for yourself and don't feel guilty.

No don't cancel it, if he doesn't want to go then take your dc with you and save money by him not going. Tbh I'd drop the subject now and see if he does remember

Ah, I’ve just realised. His football team are playing next Sunday afternoon. That’ll be the real reason for wanting to stay at home. Sigh. I’m so over this.

Go with your daughter! Turn the day into something special for you two to do together!

Call his bluff then. Say you'd like an afternoon walk and coffee instead to save money.

Just go with your DD, you're saving money by him not going :) Leaving grumpy bum to watch TV on his own.

Save 50% and go with just your daughter. If he wants to be a kill joy let him. Put your best dresses on and go on a girls only lunch.

How will he watch he the football? Most of it is on channels you have to pay for.

Go with your Dd. Have a lovely time together (& be pleased also that you're teaching HER to value herself later too)

My DH is like this and I can understand where you are coming from. Most women dont need expensive gifts, its the thoughts and effort we appreciate. On the other hand I know my DH is a good husband, good father and good man. I accept that he is not perfect, me neither. He is genuinely bad at gifting because he doesnt think it is important. I have to remind him multiple times before each occasion. Of course I would have liked him to be more romantic, but I am very happy with marriage in general and can accept those imperfections.

It is ok to treat yourself. One meal wont break you. This year I have booked a family weekend away to celebrate my birthday and mothers day. My DH has made some effort ( after reminding) to help kids find small gifts for mothers day. I also sent him a few links of things I would have liked. On top of that I bought myself a nice ring.

I really appreciate your response it’s nice to know I’m not the only one with a husband like that. My mums husband is all about the big gestures, jewellery, weekends away etc but he is horrible to her on a day to day basis.

I truly value the little things my husband does and wouldn’t be without him, and he is just the best dad to our daughter. But sometimes it does sting seeing other women getting “spoiled” and all the social media posts etc.

i will 100% still be going with my DD

Get dressed up, go out with your daughter and have a wonderful dinner.