I need assistance

[BePlumTurtle]

Please give me your thoughts

I moved in with my partner as he owns a bigger property than mine and with good land. We extended the property to suit our growing family as we have a baby.
the property is lovely, but with lots of land … but quite simply it isn’t home for me.

-he owns the property solely

I want to move to be closer to my family and where I was born , which is approx 30 minutes down the road.

Other benefits of moving include

• I could leave the house without getting dirty ( straight into woods or on main road)
• I would be on bus route which is great for the kids.
• close to my other sons school
• close to my other sons dads
• all my family live in the area
• our young son could go to a nursery childminder there instead of driving 30 mins back and forth

he is point blank refusing to move and saying I can do what I want but he won’t move.

I feel so isolated here. The kids can’t walk anywhere as it’s too dangerous as we are straight onto a main road.

he does have a child who goes to school in this area I must add.

I don’t want to break my family but I feel so upset that he clearly isn’t taking my feelings into consideration and it literally choosing the house over me !!

if we moved closer to my family we would have more support whereas his family don’t bother with us and don’t all live in the immediate area.

this has turned into such an upsetting time as I feel I am stuck here and my opinions and thoughts and feelings are irrelevant as he won’t move.
I don’t want my son to grow up with parents splitting / living apart but I feel this is impacting our relationship as it’s such a big deal to me.

Move without him.
He is showing you his true colours, he isn’t going to improve, he just doesn’t seem to care enough about your thoughts and feelings.

Did you sell your property? The obvious solution seems to be to move back into it with the DC but not the DP. See how the relationship goes from there.

However, if your main problem is not being on the bus route, it might be easier to buy another car.

Thanks for replying. I have rented my property out, so I could move back in but my partner says if I move out then that is it ( we are over)

I do have a car so the bus route isn’t a big issue but I’m more so thinking of the kids as they age x

It's tricky. What do the DC want?

I have one child, he has one child and we have one together. We haven’t discussed it with the children. Thanks for reading x

Ref your comment "we extended the property"

Have your put your own money into this property?
A property that he owns solely ?

You moved in with him because the house is bigger
If you both moved nearer your family would he have to sell his house for a similar sized property?

Clearly he either doesn’t want to move nearer your family
Likes his own house, hence you moving in too
Prefers the location of his own house.

It seems you either stay or move out without him.
Im not sure the decision now should be partly based on what ifs about the future and transport.

This is tricky. I feel like you are never going to be happy there and as time passes will resent the situation more and more. How important is he to you? Do you love him in a way where you feel you can't live without him? Is he worth it?

@BePlumTurtle If you put money into the extension then you need a solicitor before anything else, to help you establish any potential property rights / recompense. (There’s case law but I’ve long forgotten, and it would depend on other expenditure and on what you both understood to be the agreement when you spent the money.)

To be fair, if I were him I would also hesitate to move away from my son. So many men are happy to ditch DC from their first relationship to keep DW happy. So he does deserve some understanding from that point.

Although he could work WITH you to find a compromise. He's digging in his heels which isn't going to solve anything amicably.

Sorry no, I haven’t put money into the extension due to the properly being solely in his name . Thanks for replying x

To be fair his reasoning has never been to do with his child… it’s been because he grew up here, his friends are here and the property is exactly what he wants. his child lives between us and their mother. Thanks for replying x

He has as good a reason not to want to move as you have to want to move. So it is down to you - leave him and move. Or not. You chose to move there because it was a bigger property, but fair comment - he never wanted to move, never chose to move and doesn't want to. I don't think there is right or wrong here - you both want different things from your home, so it looks like your relationship is over.

I get where he's coming from and would adopt the same stance but recognise that it's not ideal or fair. I live now where I love and I'd not move from here for anybody.

We've got land and I'd never leave it. It's more about the land than the house to me, I'm part of the land and the seasons, but I can understand that you feel stifled. It's a tough one for you

I'm assuming that you knew how he felt about his home before you moved in with him.

You can make him change his mind so it looks like you'll have to leave I'm afraid.

Sorry ... you can't ...

Did you have discussions about where you would live in the future before you moved in and had a baby?

And I don't think its fair to ask someone to move away from their child

If he's happy and you pressure him to selling the home he loves he will resent you forever. You will never be able to give it back to him and you well end up breaking up anyway.

I wouldn't sell my house which I love, because my spouse wanted to live near their mum. I'd tell them, as your partner has told you, to move on their own. Presumably you knew where the property was when you moved in so I think saying it's remote and and there's not much nearby is a bit of a cop out. 30 minutes down the road is not far from your family anyway! I admit the countryside isn't for everybody but really if it's only you that is unhappy then it is you that needs to move. I don't see why he would it offers no benefit to him at all.