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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AITA????

15 replies

Tazzy101xx · 02/03/2024 03:57

My partner of 3 years we have 2 dogs together. He has started surfing as a hobby and loves it which i am very happy for him. However he is gone most weekends on surfing trips while im here to look after and walk the dogs. He doesnt like too do it during the week because hes too tired but will leave me here on my own. I dont mind if its every now and then but its literally ALL weekends... He doesnt make time for me... Doesnt take me out on dates etc.. Im over it i have tried to talk to him but hes just not understanding. AITA???

OP posts:

BobbyBiscuits · 02/03/2024 04:14

Are you saying he's claiming to be too tired to walk the dogs in the week and also doesn't on weekends? Could you ask him to take the dogs with to surfing sometimes? I think some dogs love water don't they? My family's ones do. He shouldn't be neglecting walking them.
But on the side of him never paying you attention, that sounds really unpleasant. Can you explain it to him without anger, you feel his hobby is taking over too much of your time together? You say you have but maybe try again. Then if he simply does not care you should go, with the dogs.

Autienotnaughtie · 02/03/2024 04:32

So does he never walk the dogs? He should be doing his share. Can't he walk them before he goes? I'd be annoyed if my dh took off all weekend too cant you spend a day together and a day apart?

OfficerChurlish · 02/03/2024 04:46

Why do you think you are, or might be, in the wrong? If the two of you share the dogs (and don't have a formal schedule for who takes care of them when), then he should be making sure you're willing and able to take care of them if he goes away overnight, and that may mean he does more doggie minding during the week so the work stays roughly equal between you. Or he can see about taking them with him (dogs generally like surfing but not all beaches/venues will accommodate them).

But it sounds like there's a larger issue as he refuses to even discuss a problem that is causing you distress and inconvenience. You may need to force the issue of a brainstorming session to agree on a fair way to divide up the responsibility.

Scaffoldingisugly · 02/03/2024 05:20

Suggest he visits somewhere with sharks..

GRex · 02/03/2024 05:25

I don't know why there is so much focus from PP on walking the dogs. He wants to do a hobby every weekend instead of during the week, and OP is feeling lonely. It is perfectly reasonable to want a partner who wants to hang out with you at weekends and do things together @Tazzy101xx, this guy is just not the one for you.

SKG231 · 02/03/2024 05:28

I suggest you don’t ever plan to have children with this man. He’s too lazy and bone idle to walk and care for his dogs so what do you think his attitude would be towards children.

Bigtrip2026 · 02/03/2024 06:33

SKG231 · 02/03/2024 05:28

I suggest you don’t ever plan to have children with this man. He’s too lazy and bone idle to walk and care for his dogs so what do you think his attitude would be towards children.

I have to agree with SKG231, if he can't or won't prioritise you now, 3 years into your relationship, he is unlikely to change. Im assuming you are a younger couple and you dont have children, if you did he wouldn't suddenly become a thoughtful understanding helpful partner. This isn't just about walking the dogs, this is about prioritising you and what you need from the relationship. If you can take someone out of your daily life and not notice a difference it says alot and it sounds like this is the case.

Do you both work, why is he 'more tired' than you to walk the dogs during the week. What would happen if you wanted to go away for a weekend yourself?

If he doesn't respect what you are asking for now, it is unlikely that will improve.

pensione · 02/03/2024 07:27

Dump him. He doesn’t care about you.

D1LL1GAF · 02/03/2024 08:20

In the UK we say AIBU not AITA. It just sounds better

PuppyMonkey · 02/03/2024 08:27

He’s the arsehole.

missmollygreen · 02/03/2024 09:01

D1LL1GAF · 02/03/2024 08:20

In the UK we say AIBU not AITA. It just sounds better

Says who?

TwentyFirstCenturyOracle · 02/03/2024 09:16

It doesn't spend any of his free time with you. What's the point?

Ponoka7 · 02/03/2024 09:21

Bloody hell is surfing the new cycling. How many relationships went by the wayside thanks to being a cycling widow. He's neglecting his relationship, you have to decide if you can live with it. My ex used to beach cast, I'd love walking the coastal paths with my dog, while he did so.

MiltonNorthern · 02/03/2024 09:21

This wouldn't work for me. It's a very selfish hobby and not compatible with a relationship and commitments.

Createausername1970 · 02/03/2024 09:21

The dogs are the least of your problems.

It's fine to have a hobby that takes up a chunk of spare time, as long as it's done fairly and with consideration for the partner, especially one that evolves after the relationship started.

Tell him you want to make arrangements to go away for a weekend yourself and that he will have to stay home that weekend and look after the dogs.

His reaction to that will tell you everything you need to know.

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