To just want to become more of a recluse and say goodbye to my social life

[recluse2024]

Under my old thread I was given advice to start building my life up again and get a support system in place and start by doing things that are a little out of my comfort zone but not too much. I chose play dates as my way in before meeting with people I click with on my own.

Today has put me completely off. It was horrible! My eldest was upset and crying throughout, my youngest was tired so was not interacting. I just feel like never leaving the house again and just keep kids at home. They didn’t enjoy it, I didn’t enjoy it either. I feel so hopeless that other people can easily make plans and have fun but it’s always ends the same for me

I keep thinking of the day and feel so upset. I wish I had cancelled, I really forced myself to just go and act normal but I need to accept my life will never be normal. I can’t just meet up with a friend and do an activity like other mums can

How old are your children?

9 and 5

Was the playdate after school? Could they not have been quite tired after a week at school?

@MyGooseisTotallyLoose yes I think they were tired but weekends are so busy for the mums I know they only suggest weekdays

Friday after school is probably the worst time for a playdate, a full week of school and then enforced fun is nobody's idea of heaven.

Have your children been on many playdates before?

They have been to play dates before but recently not. I haven’t felt able to leave the house. Yes I agree they must have been tired but how do other kids manage it?

Mine don't and I don't really do any after school playdates as I know they either won't cope when they are there or will have a meltdown when they are back home. I sometimes do playdates on weekends or in holidays but avoid at all costs on a weekday usually.

well done for trying. I think you just try again, and keep trying really - even if your children are destined to become total hermits, you need to give them the opportunity for that to be a decision they make for themselves, not something they slip into by default.

Better luck next time! I hope it works out for you x

This! Please don’t be put off, the next one will probably be loads better

Thank you all

So you've learnt Fridays is not a good time.

Next time try a different day, and hopefully it will be better.

On the plus side if this one was awful the only way is up?

My ds, who is now 18, went on play dates nearly every week. Mostly with his cousins, when he was that age.
I would rather sit indoors, listening to a book whilst knitting.
He is currently sat in his room, gaming on his computer, talking to his friend over his phone.
He also informed me, not long ago, that he never really liked those play dates.

This ^

I agree with this, I dont arrange anything for after school - kids are tired and just want to unwind at home, and so do I. We stick to weekends or holidays - but we try not too do too much on the trot, plenty of chillout days at home or in garden too.

Play dates where all three of you need to be happy are a bit high stakes imo. Why not head to the park when other people are about. You can focus on your DC being happy and leave once the goodwill starts to run out. Then gradually work up to meeting someone there or starting to nod, smile and eventually chat to another parent. The more often you go, the easier your kids will find it.

Happens to us all… kids all have off days like we do. It doesn’t make them weird or you stupid for trying! Forget about it and try again!! One kid at most play date has a tantrum, pukes, breaks something etc etc it’s not you.. it’s life and it’s kids!!

Some days they work and some they don't. Try not to take it too much to heart. Mine can be very unpredictable with play dates. It depends on their day, their siblings day, my day, the friends day, the weather and so on.

Try again but also learn what works for you. Is it a shorter duration, a trip out, one friend at a time, a planned activity or a film or having something to build.

Good luck

Thank you everyone. So it was bowling, I thought in theory would be a good idea as we have been previously as a family but today with friends it was awful. My eldest daughter(9 year old) became a little competitive with the friends of my son( two 5 year olds). The friends were being like 4/5 year old do and sticking tongue out and saying they were winning (totally normal!)

Really agree that Fridays are tough OP, hard for adults after a long week of life and work, same for children a whole week of school learning endlessly and all the interactions with friends etc etc. hopefully you can try again, totally know that feeling when you think something is going to go well and it all goes wrong

Thank you all.

When I struggled to leave the house, a coffee with a friend at mine or theirs felt about manageable. Then the same with kids at a trusted friend's who knew I was struggling so we kept it low key. So the kids could bomb around or just hangout without the pressure of an arranged activity or forced enjoyment. What you did would have been a massive step for me when I was trying to rebuild my confidence. Don't give up, just start smaller.

Thank you all.

Well done for trying, the thing is, usually when we look back (after a while) we tend to remember the nice bits and can hopefully laugh about the tricky bits. Your kids will remember you tried.

Being stuck in the house all the time is no life for kids so you definitely did the right thing. If the bowling brought out a competitive side that you didn’t like, try a different, non-competitive activity.

I think the way you’re thinking is a bit disordered though- you seem to assume it’s easy for everyone else- it isn’t. Most people are just trying their best, putting on a front in company, everyone has their challenges and I don’t think parenting is ever easy. You sound like you feel life is harder for you than others- a bit self absorbed really. Maybe try focusing outwards and accepting that life isn’t perfect for anyone but you just have to keep trying anyway.