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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Or was I right to report this?

13 replies

Moreorlessmentallystable · 01/03/2024 19:28

Writing this post from a friend's perspective who is having an awful time, but will write the post in the first person:
A child in my family (11) has told me multiple times they had been hurt by her parents: hair pulling, slapped, kicked, and also has shown bruises. I went and talk to one of her parents (not the one that hurts her) but they only sided with the abusive parent saying the child was making things up as they are not very mentally sound and been having issues with MH and already having counseling with CAMHS. Other family members have concerns too, one has reported seeing the child out int he rain, and when questioned the child mentioned the abusive parent locks them out of the home, another child in the family witnessed a violent incident when on a playdate at their home which included shoving up the stairs and hitting with closed fist in the arms while shoving the abused child, other family members have reported the child wearing ill fitting dirty clothes and matted hair. I reported the concerns and now the non abusive parent is furious, saying I lied and that I crossed a line and obviously unhappy to have some agencies questioning them, although they say the agencies had told them "they have zero concerns, but they have to investigate". The abused child is now goin back on their version of events and saying me and the other witness are not being truthful and that they don't know what we are talking about... I feel like my duty is to believe the children and protect the abused child and that perhaps they are being scare/coerced into changing the story. So was I unreasonable to report?

OP posts:
BloodyAdultDC · 01/03/2024 19:33

Yanbu to report - and should report again if you have any further concerns.

Believe the child, and the witnesses. Often the 'non-abusive' parent is also being abused and will cover up all sorts.

Please do report. Child protection is everyone's responsibility

bubblesforbreakfast · 02/03/2024 07:10

Not being hnresomsble at all though please don't be surprised if they freeze you out for a while. Worth seeing if other family members can keep an eye on the child in the meantime xxx

pensione · 02/03/2024 07:38

YANBU for reporting. And keep reporting if more things crop up.

they say the agencies had told them "they have zero concerns, but they have to investigate".

I doubt SS would say ‘we have zero concerns’. They could be making this up to deter you from reporting again, don’t believe them.

JMSA · 02/03/2024 07:53

You absolutely did the right thing Halo

Hopefully you're not the only one and that a picture is being built up at school too.

Spirallingdownwards · 02/03/2024 07:57

The child has either changed their story because they are now scared of the consequences of speaking up or they were originally lying. In either situation the child needs help. And it is always right to report if there is a safeguarding concern. Its better to be investigated and found there is nothing than not investigated at all but whe it should have been.

LakeTiticaca · 02/03/2024 09:53

It doesn't sound like nothing since others have witnessed abuse.
Let's hope ther is an intervention before its too late and we have another "lessons will be learnt" on our hands

jeaux90 · 02/03/2024 09:56

You were right to report OP well done for looking out for this child.

Imfreetofeelgood · 02/03/2024 10:04

Keep reporting would be my advice - anyone witnessing physical assault/left out in the rain etc, could also ring the police. The police may visit and be fobbed off, but they have to share a Child Concern Notice with Children's Services. A picture will build, alongside direct concerns reported by the public. Please don't give up if the case is open and shut this time.

BlastedPimples · 02/03/2024 10:19

Keep reporting. At the moment you're the only one on that child's side.

Please keep reporting. The child will be safe eventually.

IronNeonClasp · 02/03/2024 10:25

As a survivor of this type of abuse I wish someone had reported- my life would have been a lot different.

Fraaahnces · 02/03/2024 10:27

Report to the school as well. There will be other symptoms of abuse/neglect that they can look for, ask child and they have mandatory reporting.

Ariona · 02/03/2024 10:28

You did the right thing. You acted for the defenceless child here not the adult who has control.

Zanatdy · 02/03/2024 10:30

You 100% did the right thing and don’t ever doubt that. Abused children need adults to speak up for them

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