Too much colour

[Tiredboymum22]

I find lots of colour overstimulating and loud. My husband did an art degree and loves colour so I got him an extra colourful rug for the front room. It’s not to my taste at all but it was a gift. Due to my ADHD, I can’t cope with too much stuff. I’m constantly decluttering and I’m a minimalist. He’s a maximalist. Recently, he’s been looking at colourful canvases and lots of plants and ornaments for the house. We live in a small rented 2-bed terrace and I’m always trying to make it feel more spacious (no hallway, small living room, only one double room). I’m a SAHM to a 10m old and an autistic 4-year-old and I do 90% of the cleaning. I recently cleared the window sills of frames, plant pots, etc., because it was annoying cleaning around it all.

DH basically wants a media wall in our tiny living room and the window sills full of plants and frames again. I think it’ll look cluttered. He’s upset that design is his passion and he can’t design the living room. AIBU and controlling?

The rug is fine but all those plastic toys would do my head in. Up to the kids bedroom bin with them, or get a plain blanket box to hide smaller ones.

I think there's a balance needs striking. Yes, he should have some input on how the house he also lives in is decorated, but that's not to say he should get the whole say. I also feel like 'this makes me feel overwhelmed, over stimulated, and emotionally dysregulated' is a lot different than 'I don't like it so no.'

Your home needs to be somewhere you can relax and if he wants a room to go crazy in then it needs to be a room you aren't reasonably expecting to chill in.

You married someone with an art degree....first clue. Then had 2 kids.

Colour and 'stuff' for 4 people in a small space was always going to happen

I think yes Yabu.

What @HelloMiss said.

The thing is, you have 2 dc in a small house - of course there is going to be 'stuff'.
Plants are also a good thing to have in a house.

Yanbu you spend more time in the space and you are the one who cleans it therefore you get more of a say in how it looks.
Also it's not just personal style, it's what will work best for the neurodivergent people in your household. Why would he want to add to anyone's stress? Try sending him some articles on it.

Paint the whole place white get rid of all clutter place mat in middle of room bliss.
Im like you too much colour does my head in.

"I do 90% of the cleaning."

Tell your dh that he can clutter up the house as long as he takes over 90% of the cleaning. I guarantee his design style will change.

The only plastic toys I can see are two building bricks??

Table, two chairs, large grey bag of toys.

The two of you need to compromise on the design and amount of color in the room. He gets some things his way, and you get to decide on others. When it comes to adding clutter to the house, the person who has to clean should be given more control. I say that as a person in a 'maximalist' home; the difference is that I'm the primary cleaner, but I like the 'stuff' and don't care enough about a little dust to go minimalist for ease of cleaning. If I were more bothered by dust, I didn't like lots of stuff and DH did, I'd expect him to respect my time and effort and not insist on increasing my workload. Compromise, again, but if he wants more stuff, the least he can do is help keep it all clean and organised.

The table and chairs are exactly that - not toys?

And the grey bag probably doesn't live there, hence whatever's in it being in a bag.

If colour/space is an issue then I wouldn't have specific child- furniture. Children can colour etc quite happily at a dining table or coffee table. If toys are kept in a box with a lid they are still accessible but not visible in the same way.

You have a medical reason for not being able to cope with colour and “stuff”, yet you’ve chosen to have 2 children in a small rented place. That’s insane.

I think whether YABU depends on the extent of what you want to change.

So it might be OK to say no to plant pots on every space of every windowsill - but not a blanket no to all.

In principle though - YABU.

And I agree with @FuzzyPuffling about that plastic table. There’s 4 colours - and all garish - on that alone!

Sorry for asking, but, did you live together before getting married? How were things then?

I'm someone who needs colour. However I'm not overly keen on that rug. I think you might need to look at the kiddy furniture. The plastic is too much for me. If they need furniture there are options from IKEA etc that are not such an onslaught. Maybe look at scandi ideas. Can you paint the walls? If so choose some more calming colours, and some better storage solutions. Things in window sills are not to hard to clean either. You will need to think about moving at some point. Two kids in a small space with all their stuff is going to drive you batshit

Instead of lots of random colours you could have a color scheme. Not everything neutral and grey but maybe pick a colour from the rug and get cushions and curtains to match. Then try to keep the clutter down. A plant pot on the windowsill wouldn't bother me but the whole windowsill covered in stuff would. It's about compromise.

Someone with an art degree should want the house to feel cohesive I'd have thought, not just lots of random clutter and clashing colours everywhere.

I’ve got a degree in design and quite like colour in a house. Cant stand clashing colours though.

I’m responsible for decor in our house. My nd Dh and dd seem to like it. I cannot stand clutter though, so we have quite minimalist sides. Plants are essential in any house.

l feel for your Dh really.

In my job (architural interior designer) I deal with various likes and dislikes from clients and more often than not both spouses have different visions / tastes.

my job is to make sure they are both heard and both vision valid. I use my creativity and knowledge to deliver their dream and believe me when you have to use creative thinking and think outsode the box to problem solve the results are a thousant folds better.

so my advise. If he is passionate about design, tell him he needs to come up with a holistic vision for the space that encompass both your need of calm hues and muted space and his need of colour. It ISNT mutually exclusive.

but he needs to work harder than just buying and adding. He needs a story to tell. And Rome wasnt built in a day…

Like every post on MN I suppose, there’s always more to it. Some of which in this case is on your previous threads.
So at least 3 out of 4 numbers of your household are ND.
I remembered the “why buy 1 plushie when you can buy 50” post, though I don’t recognise your username before the search.
You also had issues growing up with your mother controlling her (and your environment) in order to manage her ND.
Your need to declutter is ND related.
His impulse to fill your house with shite is ND related.
There’s no easy answer to that.
If you want understanding for needing a clear windowsill, he also gets understanding for needing it cluttered.
Honestly, I think some kind of specialist counselling / mediation might be needed here.
It’s not a case of either of you just being unreasonable.

That said, on other matters he sounds like a total arsehole and you’ve said the marriage is on its last legs anyway. So maybe it’s time to leave him to the rug and plants. But if so, you’ll need to work to make sure your children aren’t negatively impacted by you controlling their environment, if that could reach problematic levels as it did for you and your mother.

Work together. Presumably as someone with a background in art and design he could do a lovely job, but tell him the brief is that it needs to be a calm space. It's possible to have colour without being busy or overwhelming.

Include toy storage but also accept that the bright plastic years do pass and your DC do live in the house.

I'm sure you can come to an agreement if you work together.

A balance needs to be struck. You love each other enough to have married and have had kids so you can find a way through this.

Try to find and agree on a time to talk properly about it, make the conversation about how you both want to feel in different parts of the house, from that talk about how to create thoes feelings. It seems like (understandably) you are both making small adjustments to the spaces without having looked at the overall. Random injections of colour without thought will feel horrible to you, a sudden clearing of a windowsill will feel horrible for him. Look at and talk about the space as a whole.

For now, you spend more time at home add that to your ADHD and it makes sense that you would have a slightly greater say. But you do both have to feel good in your shared home.

Most ADHDers are maximalists, not minimalists. This sounds like OCD rather than ADHD. Do you do 90% if the cleaning because nobody else does it like you?

My house is colourful and I have ADHD. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Can't believe how many people are getting worked up over the kids table and a tidied away box of toys!

Also that rug is hideous, it's not what I expected when you said "bright colours"

A few plants are good for the house. Find a limit so that they are easy to lift and clean and not cluttered but also are there.

If its such a small flat I wouldn't expect it to take too long to clean tbh anyway

I googled "calm and colourful small living room", here are some images that I liked.