Feeling awkward

[Anxiety11311]

Had my child’s class assembly today, first time I’ve gone. I felt very awkward around the other parents. They were in groups chatting. I waved to a couple I knew as they were walking in but they went and sat with another couple. It was really awkward and upsetting for me. I felt like such a loser sitting alone with husband. He never talks and is very quiet and it just dawned on me this morning how sad and quiet my life is. Other couples were laughing together and chatting away. I tried to talk to my husband but it was just one word answers from him.

Any advice greatly appreciated, I’m feeling so low.

That's hard.
Would you feel able to go up to the person you know best and start chatting?
'weren't they cute', 'my DD has been so excited about this she didn't sleep for a week' etc...
Or sometimes saying how you feel if you know you're going to come across as anxious and a bit quiet helps to get it out of the way. . 'I always feel so awkward at these things because I don't feel I've got to know anyone as well as everyone else' is enough to break the ice.

They probably think you and your husband are happy in your own little bubble and don't want to intrude.

I deal with it by not seeing it as a social event. I'm there to support my kid not hang out with other parents.

Thank you for your responses. I did try to talk to a few people I knew but they just smiled and said hi then went to sit with their friends.

Are you a friendly person or are you also quiet and awkward like your husband?

It's probably that one or both of you make them feel uncomfortable - I wouldn't go and chat to a school mum whose husband acted like yours as it can come across as rude (although I'm sure it's not intended in that way and he's just shy).

I am sorry you feel like this though, it must be a bit confronting to see other couples happily chatting and enjoying themselves.

I have to go back there in afternoon for my eldest daughters assembly. Any tips?

shameless bumping!

Has your husband always been this way? It doesn’t sound like you’ve ever been one of
those couples who chats and laughs away together? So… what’s the problem with him being the way he is? You married him.

The school mum thing; if you want to make friends then the best way is to arrange play dates between the kids, and have a coffee with the mum and build that up. Make an effort to go out and chat to them in the playground afterwards and keep in contact. It doesn’t happen overnight and a lot of us don’t really care about making friend’s with the owners of other children, but if you want to then you have to make the effort.

Wouldn't the fact that you were together with your husband make most people assume you don't need company and they would be intruding?
I was always alone at these events and there was almost always another parent just like me. We would seek each other out, even if it was just the odd sentence, that was enough.

I didn't like sports day though, everyone else had mothers/sisters/Grandparents all gathered and shouting support.
I was all alone and I do remember feeling sorry for myself and my DS that we had absolutely no one else 😢

You can't expect it to happen magically in one afternoon, they'll be chatting to friends they've known for a while now. Maybe see it as a project to have a friend/s there by this time next year.

Maybe get there a little later and go and join a couple or someone that you know and just start chatting nicely.

I would imagine these parents have formed friendships over a while and are now catching up at the assemblies. If you don’t already have that background with them, it will be really difficult. Perhaps look for the other parents sat alone and start by having a chat with them.

Hi OP, the best way to approach these events is to be very supportive to yourself, give yourself lots of self compassion, and don’t expect anything from the other parents. If you turn up, stay positive and casual, and don’t judge yourself through others eyes, you won’t feel brought down by it.

A few tips:

You don’t have to be in those chatty groups. Take that pressure off.

Those people are not there to judge you and there will be lots of other parents feeling as you do.

If you say hi and wave then that’s great.

Focus on your friendships outside of that setting.

If there are other quiet parents there chat to them - don’t try to get in with the groups of people looking comfortable: leave them to it. And don’t judge yourself for not being the same. They might have had a long standing friendship, who knows.

If you need some more positive interactions in your life, seek it elsewhere such as MeetUp, evening classes, walking groups etc.

These things take time and you might find a surprise friend along the way amongst the school parents but if not, it really doesn’t matter.

You never have to judge yourself for not being observably in a group in the school setting. Bollocks to it.

Stay strong and don’t put yourself down

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being alone at these things. I do it often enough but I don't care so don't feel awkward. You can chat to the person next to you as a PP said - ask who their little one is and if they were excited etc, but you're not obliged. It seems like you'd be glad of the interaction though, so give it a go.