Worried mum has dementia

[JosieMay1970]

My mum has never been one to shower daily but she used to have a shower at least once a week. However over the last couple of months I’ve noticed she has been showering once every 2 weeks and when I question her why, she says because it’s too cold! She seems to remember most things and can follow on to tv shows/movies, cooks, makes tea/coffee and go shopping all without any problems. However sometimes she gets in a muddle with her finances and makes the odd mistake of forgetting things.

She is 63 could this be early dementia, am I being unreasonable in thinking this? I’m so scared!

Does she work/ manage to hold down a job ok ? Could she just be stressed over finances, is she worried about showering often due to cost ?

You might want to see if you can get this moved onto the dementia board OP?

They were really kind and helpful over there when I needed some help regarding my mum last week. I was having a late night panic too and they made me feel far less alone.

Is she forgetting ordinary things like picking up milk on the way home, or very familiar things, like names of friends and family?

Is she in good health generally? Any medical conditions like high blood pressure or diabetes?

Hi thanks for your reply!! Yes it’s more just little things like where did she put her glasses, not names thankfully. Is this a good sign?

This sounds great, thank you!, definitely appreciate all the help and advice I can get. Hope your mum is okay! It’s so easy to worry and panic, like I am now ahaha. I’m glad they made you feel less alone, thanks so much for making me feel less alone also 😊

Hi, yes! Slightly high blood pressure and overactive thyroid which is under control

I'm not a doctor and I don't know your mum, of course, but I know it would be more concerning if she forgot very familiar things.

Some medical conditions can affect cognition. When was she last in to see the GP?

She is retired now, I know it’s bad but she has never been the most hygienic however has always smelt lovely (perfume). I just worry about her I guess. I don’t think she is worried about the cost, it’s more because it’s very cold at the moment she says, is not showering an early sign? Thanks for your help

Are you sure she is not depressed? That can lead to lack of self care.

She has bloods I’m December and received a letter in January saying they were satisfactory and to book another appointment in a year

It may be that her bathroom feels cold when she gets out of the shower, so she’s genuinely avoiding it?

As I said, I'm not a doc, but if it's just the showering and forgetting little things, I would just continue to keep an eye on her to see if anything else develops, e.g. getting lost in familiar surroundings, and if so, get her back to the GP.
You might also mention some ways for her to be more comfortable showering in cold weather - using a heater outside the bathroom, e.g. (Tbh I don't much like showering in a cold house!)
Hope your mum is OK.

@JosieMay1970 I'm glad to have helped a little. I understand completely how frightening it is.

My mum hasn't been formally diagnosed yet, but I'm as certain as I can be that that's what's wrong with her.

She's still not forgetting words, but she's living in a fantasy world a lot of the time. It's built up over the last couple of years but it's only recently I've noticed she's not as clean as she once was.

Looking back the first thing that made me hmmmm was her getting obsessed about things/people. So complaining every time I saw her about how often the people over the road washed their car. Who's car was parked outside her house and how long it had been there, that kind of thing. She wasn't just being nosey, she was cross. It was the anger over nothing really that was the first sign, in our case, that something was going on.

My lovely MIL had dementia. She died in 2020 but had it for at least 8 years before then. In fact I can think back a couple of years before her diagnosis and realise there were signs.

However, the things you have mentioned about your DM don't actually sound particularly alarming to me

I am 61. I usually have my reading glasses on a cord round my neck, but if I take them off and leave them somewhere it can be a cause of cursing and swearing. Trust me, that's normal.

Going upstairs to get something and then coming down with something completely different is one of those things that just happens.

I remember my last boss (late 50s) going in to the stationary cupboard one day then saying "Why am I here.What did I want?" Most of us were a similar age and could relate to that and thought it hilarious .

What I am trying to say is that while yes, dementia is a horribly cruel thing, don't read too much in to normal forgetfulness.

If it helps, the things I remember most when MIL was in the early stage was disorientation. For example, in a holiday cottage, even though we were there a whole fortnight she would still be getting confused which way to go to her bedroom. This was long before diagnosis.

Is she still on HRT? The things you mention can be menopause related & can carry on after coming out the other side.

I don't think these things are necessarily a sign of dementia. People's brains do get more forgetful as they get older.
The shower thing, I can understand she might not want to if she is cold. Does she have adequate heating in the home? Is she physically finding it harder to shower? If you struggle to get dry it can feel really cold. I know this from experience when my Mum could no longer easily bathe. She does not have dementia, but physically there may be issues with your Mum?
Would she go with you to the GP to talk about her symptoms?

I'm always losing things - things I've just had a second ago. I've always been like it. I think it relates to ADHD/distractability/being lost in my own thoughts.

I remember being younger, and noticing my "forgetfulness" - and carefully noting it for future reference. Now that my future is here, I'm not bothered by it, though it's annoying to be always looking for something, I know it isn't due to dementia, it's how I've always been.

Plus:
As we age, our brain fills up with information. Some of it we may no longer need because we aren't teens, twenty somethings, or thirty something any more. But it gets harder to retrieve the information we do need as quickly as we used to. It's just a sort of cognitive issue associated with accumulating a lot of information over the years.

Thyroid issues can definitely affect cognition and whether you feel the cold or not. It may be her medication needs adjusted despite blood tests being normal. There is often a range for tests which may not be quite right for an individual.

I wouldn’t jump to dementia given what you’ve described. It sounds very much like a natural part of aging. I’m a similar age, and although I do shower most days, I definitely think twice about it when I’m feeling cold, which I do much more now. Also I’m way more prone to make silly mistakes nowadays with life admin. Screw up a date or forget to pay a bill. But I function at a very high level still and feel that forgetting an odd thing isn’t a big deal.

I’d certainly spend time with her and be aware, but as someone mentioned earlier, maybe a depression screening would be more appropriate.