Can’t help but feel like a failure

[FeelLikeAFailure2]

(Sex related!)

So the last few times me and DP have had sex, he’s not been able to go inside deep without me having sudden shooting pain and me bursting into tears instantly. It happened again yesterday.
Obviously my priority is getting this checked out, I have a GP appointment tomorrow and I strongly suspect it’s a cyst because I have PCOS.

I have a tendency to feel guilty and useless. DP held me and told me never to apologise, and that he’d much rather I wasn’t in pain.

Last night I went to give him a bj instead. Before I’d even started, he said “you’re only doing this because you feel you have to, aren’t you”. He was absolutely right. I have no idea how he knew. He stopped me and gave me a massive hug, saying I owe him nothing.

This morning I was in the mood, and I attempted to give him a bj (lol sorry for the details). I do generally have a bad gag reflex but it was on another level today. It was so embarrassing but it got so bad I threw up a little in my mouth after a while so I had to stop.

Obviously DP said to stop and it wasn’t a problem, but I can’t help but feel I can’t do anything right at the moment. A problem always arises for me. I have no idea why my body is reacting so bad to things. I’m just worried that I’ll never perform again. I’m really worried ☹️

This is not a failure this is intimacy. Hope you find out what's wrong and sort it. Find other ways to connect and don't get stressed.

You have a fantastic husband who loves and respects you. Do not feel you are a failure.

Where is this pressure to 'perform' coming from OP? It doesn't sound like your DH is expecting that of you so why are you giving yourself such a tough time about stuff you can't help? I agree with JessieLongleg, this is what real intimacy looks like and it sounds like your DH understands that and is supportive, which is as it should be. Hope your appointment goes ok and you feel better soon but in the meantime please stop beating yourself up for 'failing', you're human that's all

This. A lot of posts on here are people who's husbands would be arseholes in this kind of situation. Just focus on getting checked out and getting help for the pain, it's not your fault and you are not a failure x

I have endo and sometimes it impacts on sex. It's far from ideal but I don't feel like a failure because of it.

Would you feel like a failure if you broke your hand and couldn't give him a hand job?
Very unlikely.

Your role as a women is not to sexually satisfy a man. Your worth as a woman should not be connected to your sex life.

You seem to have a very decent and understanding partner.

What is driving your thinking?

Oh gosh OP you are not a failure! You have something going on medically that needs checking out and sorting hopefully. Your DP loves you! He doesn't care and he's said that

I I had a similar thing with my partner my cervix bled a lot during sex for the first few years I felt like it ruined things etc etc he was totally fine like your DP said all the right things - it's sorted now (my poor cervix) and all is fine.

You're not a failure at all. You wouldn't feel like a failure if you had toothache. You'd get to the dentist and get it treated. This is a medical issue, not your fault. The best thing about it is finally reading on here about a man who is aware of his partner's well-being and puts it ahead of his dick's. Hangfire on the bjs and get your fanny sorted. Sure he's more than happy to wank as needed in the meantime. You certainly wouldn't expect him to shag you with a sore knob nor to feel in the mood for oral sex when he was suffering/vulnerable/insecure. Look after yourself and try not to attach success/failure ratings to these things. In a relationship, there are much more important values at stake.