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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Hand hold please

10 replies

BakedBeansAndChips · 29/02/2024 20:29

I am feeling a bit lonely and vulnerable.

I don't have many friends anymore. I used to, but a lot of my friends moved away for uni and I don't see them. We keep in touch and see each other now and then when we can, but you know, I want proper friends. The kind of friends you can be complete at ease with. I have one good friend who lives near, but we both have children and conflicting work schedules so it can be hard to get time to do things alone together or in the evening. We only really see each other once every couple of months.

I have a job where I'm surrounded by people, but I am their manager so they don't socialise with me (I understand that). My husband works unsocial hours and so I'm often alone and he has an active social life too (that's fine, btw, I want him to enjoy things). I've tried making friends with the school mums but I missed a few of the arranged drinks and they seem to have peeled off into their groups. They're all nice, but whenever I try to organise a drink or meet up it doesn't seem to come to anything. I can go entire weeks without speaking to a single friend.

I just feel really sad and lonely and it's worse than ever today. It's been a really tough week and I would love a drink and a chat with a friend. Thanks for listening.

OP posts:
Alwaystired2023 · 29/02/2024 20:34

Oh sorry to hear this OP not nice for you at all big mumsnetty hugs - what's your sitch outside of school work or anything like that to talk to people? Are you busy whilst children at school can you do a class etc to meet people... as for the school mums keep being friendly it might all work itself out - do your children do classes etc where you might see some of those mums?

Its super tough but you sound lovely and good fun you will be making friends before you know it

Quizine · 29/02/2024 20:35

Sorry to hear about that, it must be so bewildering. But believe me you are not the only one. Life today is busy for many, others may seem to be out and about all the time, but they are not usually.

False friends and hip hooray gatherings mean very little. I always think that social butterflies and extrovert people rarely make lifelong friends anyway.

The first thing you must try to do is go out on a date night once a week with DH. He is not only your partner, you love each other and should be best friends and social partners too regularly.

Have a drink anyway if you want to. Don't heed the MN hive mind that says a thimble full is the road to ruin. Used occasionally it can cheer you up and help you feel better even temporarily.

ssd · 29/02/2024 20:36

I'll hold your hand and give you a hug too. Although you might want to keep back as I'm currently feeling yucky with a horrible virus!

I hope someone who is more up for a chat comes along soon, but in the meantime I'll certainly keep you company Flowers

BakedBeansAndChips · 29/02/2024 20:38

Thanks :) I work full time, so I suppose that doesn't help. I have really struggled to find a club to join as my DH work pattern is so irregular it feels impossible to commit to anything that's held at a regular time.

I think I'm just feeling low because I've really had a bad week.

OP posts:
Bunnyhair · 29/02/2024 20:39

Handhold and hug here, too. I’m sorry you have had a hard week. If you want to chat about it here, I’ll be around for a bit. 💐

BakedBeansAndChips · 29/02/2024 20:39

ssd · 29/02/2024 20:36

I'll hold your hand and give you a hug too. Although you might want to keep back as I'm currently feeling yucky with a horrible virus!

I hope someone who is more up for a chat comes along soon, but in the meantime I'll certainly keep you company Flowers

Thank you, that's really kind. I hope you feel better. There's definitely a lot of it about!

OP posts:
BakedBeansAndChips · 29/02/2024 20:42

Thank you all. It's just a bit crap at work, nothing out of the ordinary really - you know how it is when there are those weeks when it seems like everything goes wrong and all the sh*t lands in your lap!? The children are struggling with tiredness and illness and one of them cried because "mummy is always working and never plays with us"... which also made me feel about 2 inches tall!

Like I say... just one of those generically pants weeks that really feels like it ought to end in sitting on a mate's sofa with a bag of crisps and a glass of wine, rather than sat at my desk, still working because there's nothing else to do! 😅

OP posts:
myheadisaterribleplace · 29/02/2024 20:46

Holding out my hand for you too, OP. I'm sorry things are so difficult right now.
I don't really have any friends anymore, so I know how lonely it can feel. I wish I could make things better for you xx

Parkerpenny · 29/02/2024 20:49

Just wanted to pop in and say hello.

You are not alone in feeling the disconnect.

I do have some good close friends, one local and one further away who I keep good contact with but, locally, I do feel the transient nature of friendship hard to come to terms with. School mums are difficult to bond with (imo!) and these connections are so transient when they are made.

I have made some good connections doing different courses and joining music groups. Of course, these are probably only 'companions in my interests' rather than 'friends' who would keep up with me if I left but it is still meaningful human contact.

Does your husband know how you are feeling?

I can't help but think you are not the only one to feel this way as we live in a disconnected society.

Sapphire387 · 29/02/2024 20:57

Hello, you're not alone in feeling this way.
I'm sorry - it's crap, isn't it?

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