Shamed for being "greedy"

[LoftyTurtle]

Promise this isn't a reverse of the other recent post re: the woman selling hand me downs on Vinted!!

I'm part of a local group of mums/friends (we all used to all be in a toddler/baby group together) who regularly share on their kids clothes they no longer need. I've both given away clothes my kids have grown out of, and accepted clothes for them. There's an unwritten rule of you only take clothes that your kid is currently in the correct size for, or about to move up into that size (with the exception of tiny baby clothes where people are a bit more lenient given how fast babies grow.)

My cousin (in the same group) has two children of the same gender as mine - one older (4), one younger (18 months). My child is 2 almost 3. Another mum in this group was giving away some clothes that would fit my cousins 4yo. I asked if my cousin could please have these clothes, and then when she's done with them, she'll give them to me for my 2.5yo, and then I'll give them back to her for her younger child. Then (if they're still in use able condition) my cousin will put them back onto the general group. The mum giving away the clothes said, yep, no problem!

However, someone else has clearly taken offense at this and started messaging others privately in the group, calling me greedy for taking clothes I don't "need" yet and that I'm very rude and so on. Even though the clothes will be used immediately (or very soon) by my cousins 4yo! To avoid confrontation, my cousin said when her 4yo has outgrown them she'll put the clothes back onto the general group instead of giving them to me.

AIBU?

But has she donated as yet or not? Surely you need to offer up first?

Some people look for things to be offended by ffs. YANBU.

My cousin has donated plenty of her own stuff over the years. The main motivation for her giving it directly to me (and then me to her youngest) was honestly just convenience! We see each other all the time. Some of the mums in this group, much as I like them, are a bit... unreliable, and we've both been messed around a few times by people who say they'll definitely come collect at x time and then don't! Which I get, life is hectic with kids and all, but it's kind of annoying

Fwiw the 2 mums doing all of the complaining have form for generally just being unpleasant during the baby/toddler group we went too. As part of the group we used to get put into little pairs/trios to chat for 5min each time, and these 2 mums n
knew each other prior to the baby/toddler group - if you were put into a trio with them they'd quite happily just talk to each other and completely blank you/pretend as if you didn't even exist! If you tried to join the conversation they'd ignore you 🤣

This wouldn’t take up any space in my head to be honest. People can think what they like. You know your intentions, the person donating was happy with the arrangement. Sorted!

I agree with this but wondering if the other mums are annoyed you’re getting preferential treatment by getting the clothes next rather than them being offered to others in the group who could also use them?

I’m not sure why your cousin if on the group did not just ask for them and could have given to you? It did sound like you were reserving them.

I'd have to confront this head on because there's a clear miscommunication going on and the whingers are acting like mean girls!

I think I'd message them directly, pointing out that you are aware they are disgruntled, and that there has been a misunderstanding - that you did not take the clothes for yourself, but for your Dsis, and that the clothes will be used immediately by her DC then later passed on to you, if appropriate, and back to the group. I would also ask that if they had an issue in the future that they contact you directly as there was no need for the group to be dragged into a non-issue.

Those two shit stirrers need to be called out.

Why do social groups always get hijacked by a couple of twunts?

Too much hassle over this stuff. I would rather buy/ take donations from a stranger or a baby bank, or buy new than deal with this palaver.

Maybe the clothes should only be requested by the people who are going to use them for their own children. Otherwise you could have someone who has a range of children, their own and other relatives kids, who are snapping up everything and others don't get a look in.

I think the person needing the clothes should be the one requesting tbh, otherwise it’s like you’re queue jumping. Not a massive issue tbh but let your cousin sort herself out.