What's APP and kids photos

[Coffeewithsugar]

I have a DS that goes to Y1 and I am in a group with 5 other mums from his class that our kids are good friends.

So, 6 mums in total in a what's app group.

In this group we talk about school news, parties etc. and we occasionally we send photos.

There is only one mum in this group that whenever she sends a photo that shows her kid, it disappears when you open it once. No other mum in the group does it and the photos she sends are harmless, like her kid on his new bike that he loves, or her kid climbing a wall while they were on holidays etc.

I am completely aware of the online risks and kids online safety, I don't have social accounts, I don't post my kid anywhere online. But honestly, in a group of 6 mums that you know well and meet everyday in school runs, who all have kids and are friends in the same class as your kid, do you need to send photos that disappear in 3 seconds? It's better not to send them at all...

AIBU - She is doing right and you need to do the same
AINBU - She is overreacting and this is too much

There’s a middle option for your voting - it’s (probably, hopefully) not necessary, but it’s doing no harm and gives an extra level of safety so why not.

She might do it by default for all photos, especially if she’s got some tricky family relationships or something.

I'm in a few mum groups on whatapp a few do it. I suppose if they are happier with it why not.

I didn't vote because I don't think you need to start doing the same thing. But I also don't think she needs to stop either.

I don’t see the issue; she doesn’t want her photos to be online as in theory they can be gotten from WhatsApp or for someone who might access your phone to have the photos. How does it negatively impact you?

I couldn’t select either option because I think it’s completely up to her how she sends photos and I don’t think you should be doing the same, you can do whatever feels right for you.

I don’t understand why it irks you so much though - why do you particularly want to be able to see these photos again once you’ve viewed them?

You are all right, and there is no right or wrong.

It's more a question on whether I and the other mums in the group are not protecting our kids enough.

Also, it's a bit frustrating, because the other day she sent a photo which I opened and then my kid asked me something and took my eyes of the phone and the photo was disappeared by then and I didn't see it and it frustrated me.

I mean, why bothering in sending photos if someone can not even look at them properly?

To be honest, a quick glance is all I’d have at a photo someone sent me of their child.

As for whether you should be doing it - that’s completely up to you. I wouldn’t bother, personally. I trust the people I send photos of my kids to. I know it’s not possible to know a person completely, but it’s a risk I choose to take.

She can do that if she wants, it's not OTT it's her choice. And it's your choice not to.

No I don't think you and the other mums are not protecting your children enough, as in you are protecting them sufficiently. Ye just have different idea's on what is and isn't enough.

I was a bit 'oh' the first time another mum did it in the group, wondering did she not trust us. But after that I've never thought about it much

Exactly... I am feeling that is not trusting us!

But, for example, she has come over to ours for lunch and we have arranged playdates... so she knows me!

She has of course the freedom to choose what she wants to do and this is none of my business, but at the same time I feel that this is not a real relationship like the one you have with your real friends!

Imagine sending to your best friend a photo of your kid like this... wouldn't that not shake the trust in this relationship?

Exactly... I am feeling that is not trusting us!

Not really. Phones aren't secure in many ways.

Apps can be hacked.
Phones are often accessed by people other than the owner - children, husbands, bfs who may access their phone.
Phones get stolen.

I think you are over thinking it with the 'shake the trust'.

I don't think it's you she doesn't trust.

She just doesn't want them floating around the internet forever. It's whatsapp / technology in general she doesn't trust and she's probably wise to do so.

I don't do the disappearing photo thing, but maybe I should.

I have baby photos in mt phones gallery of babies that I don't know, that have been sent in WhatsApp groups from NCT / baby classed days. I'm no longer in touch with the mums.

I just delete them when I come across them, but it is weird to think that photos of my kids are probably on other peoples phones in much the same way.