To think women hitting men is not funny

[jm9138]

At the theatre last night with my daughter. Group of teenage school girls (about 20) in front of us clearly on a school trip. I would estimate maybe 70% of audience female.

It was a comedy and very funny. Lots of slapstick. A running joke is that two of the characters are in a relationship with each other. There is a scene where the male in the relationship finds himself accidentally on top of another female character who wraps her legs around him and starts kissing him. In the context it is very funny.

The woman in the relationship walks in on them, pulls him off and punches him in the face so hard he falls over. Everyone screams with laughter. The two women (his girlfriend and the woman he was kissing) then get hold of him as he staggers up and together bang his head on a table knocking him out. Everyone screams with laughter.

AIBU for feeling uncomfortable watching this and seeing lots of young girls laughing at this or is this just a nothing? I have tried to convince myself it is a nothing but I cannot get out of my head that if the genders were reversed it would not even have been considered as a scene. And if that is the case then are we saying it is ok (even funny) to see women beating up a man? If we are then why is that?

This is not a post equating DV between men and women and women and men. I just am genuinely interested as to why I felt this way and whether I am in a minority.

Not my idea of funny but the ‘if it was the other way round’ thing is never productive or useful because it disregards the years of: abuse, hierarchy, systematic oppression etc that has led up to where we are now.

I wouldn't like that either.

I'd find that pretty distasteful, too.

Isn't slapstick supposed to be more about physical comedy - so pratfalls, walking into doors etc (which I confess I don't find funny, but hey, we're all different) - rather than actual violence?

Yes in my head I do agree with all that. But at the same time if you are the man being hit by a woman today is the man supposed to think "well I deserve it because of the patriarchy?". It is all probably nothing and I am overthinking it.

Yes 99% of the physical comedy was just that. It is well done and so I found it funny (although most of the jokes are actually lingustic which I prefer)

I don't think you're wrong.

Women v man domestic violence exists and should be taken seriously.

I don't find it funny or a reason for humour, but I find very little comedy funny.

No of course a man doesn’t deserve to be hit by a woman.

Just like an adult doesn’t deserve to abused by their child. But how the two things are treated by law, in media (including comedy) and other areas has to be different than if it was the other way round I think.

But I agree it’s not funny…

If i'm going to be really boring as well then knocking someone unconscious is a really serious assault that is potentially lethal.

There is a scene in a film called RED where Bruce Willis' character gets slapped around by his girlfriend because she is angry he did something. She then runs up a huge shopping bill on his credit card in revenge.

I always think if that was reversed the viewers would be saying it was abuse.

I would have hated that OP, definitely couldn’t laugh. But I never find violence funny in “comedy”.

@Bex5490

"Not my idea of funny but the ‘if it was the other way round’ thing is never productive or useful because it disregards the years of: abuse, hierarchy, systematic oppression etc that has led up to where we are now."

+++
There is an argument that because of the years of discrimination, oppression, abuse etc that in order to more quickly get to an equitable situation there needs to be some form of reverse or positive discrimination or double standards on say sex or race that tilts the other way or over corrects .

The issue I have with this is that a) discrimination or abuse against any group should never be acceptable today regardless of past injustices, that b) you are punishing certain groups today for the crimes of their forefathers/ mothers and lastly c) it just comes across as vengeful / payback that does nothing to promote equality but does everything to create resentment and division.

I don't quite get what you are saying "in law" - do you mean if a woman knocks a man out that should be treated differently to the other way around?

I think though that you hit the nail on the head of why it makes me uncomfortable. The joke seems to be saying that some abuse is ok. When it is someone who is perceived as weaker abusing someone who is perceived as stronger. If the situation was different - maybe he had been being really leery over her or something - there would have been "he deserved it". In this case at best it was a crime of passion (not an excuse but maybe a trope and so I would have just ignored it), but then why did the other woman who basically had seduced him have to hit him too? I think it is that second part that bothers me more maybe.

There is an interesting social experiment on how domestic violence is viewed differently in society on whether it is man attacking a woman or woman attacking a man.

What is particularly sad is that so many people in this video thought it was actually amusing to see a woman hit a man. It reminded me of the equally unacceptable "humour" of the 1970s etc of jokes about a man coming back from the pub and hitting his wife.

I don’t think discrimination against any group is ok either but it’s sometimes preventative rather than punitive.

For example men should probably be more thoroughly vetted for being police officers as there is a much higher chance of them being an abuser.

A black comedian who tells jokes about white people should be less severely chastised than the other way round because there is a history of racist comedy ( I’m thinking NF Style comedy videos about Jewish people and others) directly inciting violence in the past.

If everything was now completely equal then there would be no need for the difference in how different groups are treated but things aren’t like that still.

I will have a look at this but yes that is one thought (about how there were jokes in the past about men hitting their wives) and this showed it was socially acceptable. And I thought does this mean it is socially acceptable for women to hit men (this video suggests it is I guess).

Not my idea of comedy. But it is others evidently, though less so than it used to be, if you remember shows like Bottom and The Young Ones. Not sure there's shows like that any more.

@Bex5490

"For example men should probably be more thoroughly vetted for being police officers as there is a much higher chance of them being an abuser. "

+++

An interesting point because statistically you are correct that men have a higher rate of violence than women, so the logic would be to vet them more thoroughly than say women.

But despite the logic and well intentioned rationale I am still uncomfortable with this concept. It feels a bit like profiling at airport security or stop and search etc.

I don’t know. I mean the vetting process is to weed out those with characteristics that are not suitable. Whilst these characteristics are more common in men then women they are still present in women so would think the tests should be the same.

The reverse might be say the physical fitness test for the police (I am assuming they still have this). Most men are faster and stronger than women, so should men have an easier test than women?

On reflection whilst it is an interesting idea the tests just need to identify those who are unsuitable. If these tests are missing too many men this is a problem, but the same tests will also be missing (a much smaller number) of women who are unsuitable. I think a test just needs to be a test regardless of your gender/race/age etc.

The dynamic is different. An abusive man is more likely to kill or badly injure a woman. An abusive woman is more likely to "frame" the man as abusive. Both toxic.

Thank you. But it doesnt really explain why most people thought is was funny and I didn't.

I wouldn't like it either yanbu

@jm9138 women hitting men is not funny, but then again neither is men hitting women funny!! people should just keep their hands to themselves!! as for taking a school trip to see that kind of theatre, I would seriously question the school!!

It’s not funny in the slightest

Anyone remember Lorena Bobbitt cutting off her cheating husband’s penis 20 years ago? Everyone thought it was hilarious at the time.